I want to end my marriage!

54 posts in this topic

 

I read with interest that he's nice to the baby when she's not crying.

 

That's exactly what I would do. Teach the baby that crying is not an automatic passport to treats. You have a better experience with me when not crying.

 

So many mothers think their children are sensitive. And only they truly understand their precious little darlings. When in reality their sensitivity is an observation that crying gets them whatever they want.

 

Are you a father? I can't for my life imagine passively watching my baby son crying or not holding him or kissing him goodbye. It really is a hard coded instinctive thing to do, as it is feeling immense pride and love towards your child (hence all the unasked for Facebook photos which practically only other parents can withstand). So, to me he kind of sounds like an asshole.

8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Disagree. Sometimes you need to teach 'em that you do not come running when they cry. Normally they cry for a clean nappy, or food, or tired etc. But sometimes, for example when tired, they need to be left alone.....the timing of that is not always agreed upon.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

p.s. Small kids are frankly just boring and stressy lots of the time. They kill your social life, your sex life, your free time, your sleep, your peace, your weekends, your cashflow, your holidays....it's a big strain on many relationships.

 

And then they smile, hug, kiss and say Papa and all is forgiven. I even made a second one..

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You clearly forgot about how much fun you had. It's called post traumatic stress disorder. :P

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like in ALL marriages, relationships, work, etc...COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!!! Sorry for yelling....

8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

p.s. Small kids are frankly just boring and stressy lots of the time. They kill your social life, your sex life, your free time, your sleep, your peace, your weekends, your cashflow, your holidays....it's a big strain on many relationships.

 

Maybe, but when you teenage daughter unexpectedly hugs you from behind and whispers into your ear "I´m glad to have such a lovely Daddy" you know it was well worth it.

 

Back to the issue at hand: if your husband knew how you feel and understood what your unhappyness means for your marriage (and therefore to your child), maybe he would be prepared to move to Australia. How do you know unless you let him know?

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope that you two have a good discussion and open up the lines of communication.

 

Tip - Try to stick to "I feel..." words and don't use the "you never..." words.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like you are on the right path now. I'm glad you have a willing, nearby, and free babysitter in your mother in law and can really take some time to talk with your husband.

 

Definitely explore getting some counseling for yourself--I think that advice was spot on in any case and more so now seeing that you have struggled with depression in the past.

 

Also, even though you have mentioned a few things from time to time, don't assume that means your husband is really aware of how upset you are or how badly you feel. Passing comments are often just, well, passing comments and he may not have known they indicate a deeper, underlying, constant issue to you.

 

Finally, don't go into that talk expecting that everything will change overnight. Go in trying to open the lines of communication and begin a long process of change to get things to where everyone wants to be.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marriage is hard enough without intercultural issues, which people tend to under estimate especially when it comes to dealing with kids and the MIL. I cna only echo what others have said: you both have to talk. I would add its important to ask about feelings because if you make assumptions its easy to be wildly wrong, even if you think you 'know' what the other person thinks. Having a young family is exhausting, if you mother in law is offering free babysitting and its not got strings attached USE IT go do things together that are fun! Counselling/therapy and or self help books can be good investments.

 

Life should be enjoyed and you owe that to yourself and your family, knowing how to be happy is the best example you can give your little one.

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This might sound weird, but I want to thank you for making this post. I have only just moved from Australia to be with my BF 3 months ago, and I know things won't always be easy. Reading this thread, I feel, has helped me a little with what I might also have to deal with some time in the future, and the comments and suggestions are things I could try also, IF this happens.

 

Can I ask, how long has it been since you were last in Australia? Could you be feeling homesick? I know I find my BF much less tolerable when I'm homesick, and I wonder if this could be a contributing factor for you? Maybe it's time for a holiday...?

 

I'm happy you'll be talking with you husband. I hope things start to improve for you, and you can both develop a better understanding of each other and work together to improve your situation. :)

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If only for the sake of your daughter, please do not chose an option that leaves you 'unhappy' for the rest of your life!!! This would create a miserable environment for the entire household.

 

I hope you post an update after your initial talk with your husband. You are on the right track, I wish you all the best!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ RachSW (#36):

 

Firstly a belated Kiwi welcome to Germany.

 

I'm neither married nor do I have any kids but after reading Billabong's posts, it seems to me that you might want to take some time to get used to Germany and living with your BF before thinking about having kids - if you have any plans in that direction in the first place. Remember: you can't give 'em back.

 

Good luck.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in a similar situation and completely sympathize, are you near Frankfurt and want to get some coffee or beer?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

If you ever imagine life will be easier apart - with a kid - no it won't.

 

how do you know that?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now