Neighbours trespassing in my backyard

82 posts in this topic

On 8/30/2019, 4:56:08, emkay said:

My husband asked her politely to leave our property...she launched into a very strange tirade that we had killed her husband with the internet.  

 

The nice thing about a person like this is that you can threaten to give their name to the orbital laser cannons.

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Heres a novel idea: Go to the Bauhaus, buy a small length of chain and a padlock and lock your gate so no one other than you has access to the backyard. Boom.

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We actually have a lockable gate. But it's before the front door so nobody would be able to ring the doorbell or deliver anything. Perhaps a remote doorbell would be the answer. That wouldn't help with all the stuff flying over the fence though.

 

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We had a chat with the landlord. Poor guy. I think he was almost in tears. He said he knows that she has mood swings but can't get her to go to the doctor.

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Does anyone here have experience with mental illness First Aid that can give insight in the best way of dealing with this?

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A very strong talking to. Find the stick that works. I already mentioned this, threaten police and doctors and mention that the whole town will know. If she won't listen then call the police so she has to deal with the reality.

 

Failing that I do know someone who clears landmines in an old warzone in SE Asia  and runs a weapons company on the side. Let me know if you need the phone number.

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So you have actual mental health First Aid experience?  I do not.   So, just asking.  Just sounds a bit weird.  Someone showing signs of distress and responding with aggression.  

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On 9/6/2019, 6:43:13, snowingagain said:

Does anyone here have experience with mental illness First Aid that can give insight in the best way of dealing with this?

 

Hmm, what would Chuck Norris do in such situation?

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We are talking about a middle aged woman with a mental illness?  Or is she beating people up?  Oh, never mind.  Just kick the fuck out of her.

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Anger disorder / Intermittent explosive disorder. These sound more like the op's neighbour.

Dementia is rarely so violent.

Neighbour needs medical care asap, and her husband must get this sorted for all concerned.

 

Those who commit road rage  are amongst those who have this disorder.

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12 hours ago, snowingagain said:

Does anyone here have experience with mental illness First Aid that can give insight in the best way of dealing with this?

 

I used to be a Sheriff's Deputy in the states and dealt with mental illness multiple times a shift. If shes not a loved one then you really dont need to cater to her BS. Its not like shes the OP's wife or friend or mother and you need to appease her and find a solution. Shes a crazy neighbor and theres little reason to play her games and give in to her crap. OP tried talking with her, it failed. Id call the police and keep calling them until they do something about the trespassing issue (IMO German Police are kind of lazy). Id put up signs saying no Trespassing and maybe the remote doorbell. The mental illness is the crazy neighbors problem and not the OPs

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So what do you suggest they do?  Just put up with her to be nice?  Tolerating bad behaviour from people with mental illness doesn't necessarily help them.  It can actually harm them by allowing them to go unchecked for longer for their behaviour to become worse and eventually harm themselves or someone else.  

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Absolutely, and regardless of whether they sincerely want to help the neighbor or not in whatever way, they deserve to have peace and quiet in their own home, a yard that is not a toilet, and some semblance of privacy.  Regardless of why the landlady does what she does, it's well beyond the bounds of decent behavior, and it really should not be op's problem to suss out a nuanced solution.  And they most definitely should not be expected to tip toe around and/or suck it up and/or just live with it because the landlady allegedly has a mental illness. 

 

I've known my share of certifiably crazy people.  Funny enough 90% of the time they DO actually know when they're doing something shitty, and they 100% understand in retrospect that they did do something shitty.  Often they will ratchet up the "crazy" to try to get out of it, and they often succeed for this view that they should get a pass because "they can't help it"

 

does anyone really think she doesn't understand it's not cool to let her dogs use the OPs yard as a toilet, among other things?  She absolutely knows.  And that's exactly why she's doing it.  I'd definitely start by telling the landlord with as much empathy as possible that I planned to contact the police if the shenanigans continue, then follow through as needed.

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On 9/6/2019, 6:43:13, snowingagain said:

Does anyone here have experience with mental illness First Aid that can give insight in the best way of dealing with this?

 

the landlord could do something more forcible, but it would probably require removing her by ambulance or social service assistance or whatever.  If she's truly having some kind of mental break she would need to be hospitalized and probably medicated to get her into a different state of mind.  But we can't even guess if she is that far out or not. I think red midge called it well but will they actually hospitalize her over this? 

 

the point is, her mental illness itself is not something OP can or should try to solve.  her husband or possibly the police hold those cards.  that's it.

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I was not suggesting the OP should have to burden themselves with being responsible for the "solving" of her mental health issues.    But tips on how to deal with these situations.

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it would probably help if you could describe exactly what you hope the OP could achieve using whatever method? 

 

He's talked to her in a straightforward way about tossing garbage over the fence, to not avail, and he's spoken with her husband who describes her as "moody" (actually she sounds quite consistent in her attempts to bother OP and his family - that's not "moody" it's out and out aggressive). 

 

Most "mental health first aid" techniques are actually designed to prevent a person from harming themselves or others.  They are not generally designed to talk sense into someone to stop them from bringing their pets into your garden to poop.  "First aid" is for urgent, dire situations that appear out of the blue.  This is clearly premeditated in some basic form or another so what...should OP lurk in the bushes until he catches her in the act, then do some "first aid" to ward off the antisocial behavior?

 

I really and sincerely don't know what you're looking for here.

 

 

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15 hours ago, LeonG said:

So what do you suggest they do?  Just put up with her to be nice?  Tolerating bad behaviour from people with mental illness doesn't necessarily help them.  It can actually harm them by allowing them to go unchecked for longer for their behaviour to become worse and eventually harm themselves or someone else.  

Hard to tell without knowledge of the situation. I´m not saying the OP simply has to suffer quietly. But maybe he could e. g. talk to the landlord and offer that he would assist if the psychiatrist / therapist has any suggestions which involve his cooperation/participation.

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13 hours ago, jeba said:

Hard to tell without knowledge of the situation. I´m not saying the OP simply has to suffer quietly. But maybe he could e. g. talk to the landlord and offer that he would assist if the psychiatrist / therapist has any suggestions which involve his cooperation/participation.

 

It would not be wise for the OP to involve himself in the situation the way you describe.  First of all, the woman's apparent issues are not his to solve - he is not a relative or caretaker.  Secondly, no competent mental health care provider would enlist a stranger to "assist."

 

All the OP can (and should) do is make it clear that what is being done to him by the neighbor is wrong, and if it does not stop he will pursue legal action.  The motivation or mental state of the perpetrator is totally irrelevant.

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