What made you smile today?

4,721 posts in this topic

8 minutes ago, john g. said:

It had to be done. It was a tough decision. Had been lying awake for months and years fretting . But it had to be done...I now have Windows10!

:lol:

 

 

My condolences.

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This email...

Quote

Subject: Getting Old

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way
much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they
drink like their fathers.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the toilet the “bog" and renamed it the
“Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim three times
today.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a
grown-up, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is ”I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."

I don’t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I’m just very wise.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to
transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
what I went in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I
don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I
have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and
my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting
pregnant. And I don’t have acne. ... Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t
remember their names.

Now, I’m wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

 

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Every week The New Yorker Magazine has a cartoon caption contest.  Here are the finalists for Contest #695.

 

Screen%2BShot%2B2020-02-03%2Bat%2B7.29.3

 

They all made me smile.

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Fascinating stuff, lisa13, once I got past the facts that the dolphins were living in "pools" and that humans were throwing rubbish in said pools. Then again, the rubbish could have blown in with the wind.

 

Very, very clever our mammal friends are.

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And this. Brilliant!

 

 

Quote

 

In response to last year’s near-total (and temporarily blocked) abortion ban in Alabama, a state legislator has introduced a bill that would require a man to undergo a vasectomy, at his own expense, “within one month of his 50th birthday or the birth of his third biological child, whichever comes first.”

House Bill 238, introduced on Thursday by Rep. Rolanda Hollis (D) notes, “Under existing law, there are no restrictions on the reproductive rights of men.”

The bill, Hollis says in a statement she shared with Yahoo Lifestyle, “is meant to neutralize last year’s abortion ban bill, and sends the message that men should not be legislating what women do with their bodies.” Further, she told AL.com, “It always takes two to tango. We can’t put all the responsibility on women. Men need to be responsible also.”

The online backlash was swift, of course, with critics calling it “wrong,” “sick,” and “Communism,” although plenty of supporters got her point, and celebrated it, saying, “Ha! Stay out of my uterus!” and “Wahoo!”

 

 

here

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Ted Cruz's reaction to the vasectomy bill mentioned above -

 

 

Quote

 

The Texas senator shared his thoughts about the new bill in a tweet on Saturday, writing: "Yikes. A government big enough to give you everything is big enough to take everything...literally! Alabama Democrat proposes bill mandating all men have vasectomy at age 50 or after third child."

While Mr Cruz was attempting to criticise the invasive new bill, introduced by Alabama Democratic representative Rolanda Hollis last week, he instead played into what pro-choice advocates have been arguing for years.

Introducing the bill was a long shot by Ms Hollis, but her main priority was to demonstrate the "outrageous overstep in authority" exhibited by Republicans who want to legislate the female body. She did this by creating her own legislative overstep targeting the male body.

"Year after year the majority party continues to introduce new legislation that tries to dictate a woman's body and her reproductive rights," Ms Hollis said. "We should view this as the same outrageous overstep in authority."

 

 

Owned!

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My reason for smile and laughter i is because i watched ABott and Costello Meet  Frankenstein. Hilarious.

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Every time I see a picture of Klopp in the press I wonder if his teeth are made of plutonium.

 

It's nice of him to write to that child anyway.

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