Very lonely, no friends or girlfriend!

50 posts in this topic

Well, you have certainly got lots of good suggestions to work on from the Toytown community.

 

I sympathize with your situation but I believe your problem has to do with different cultures. I find the people in this part of Germany tend to be very reserved and wary of strangers. When you get to know them they do open up but this does not happen overnight.

 

Have you had a look at the Events and Meetups section here? The Drunken, Uninhibited Meetup for Beer (DUMB) group are thinking of meeting up on 24.07.2014. I went to one of their meetings and it was a very enjoyable evening with some really nice people.

 

There are several American Military Bases in this area and quite a lot of German/American organisations which are open to all people. Perhaps you will find something of interest in the links below.

 

 

Deutsch-Amerikanisches Zentrum

http://daz.org/Veranstaltungen.html

 

English Films in Vaihingen

http://www.kino.de/kinoprogramm/stuttgart/vaihingen/corso-cinema-international-k14864/?show3d=false

 

American Theater Centre Stuttgart

http://stuttgart.armymwr.com/europe/stuttgart/programs/stuttgart-theatre-center/#.U7lrsnSKDaQ

 

English Shop

 

There is a notice board at the back of the shop with information about English speaking groups in Stuttgart.

http://www.piccadilly-english-shop.de/

 

If you can speak some German, the blind-date theatre performances will put you in contact with some ladies :D

4 Blind Date Theater Performances (in German)

 

You will be greeted with a glass of sparkling white wine and have a surprise blind date person sitting next to you at each performance.

 

http://www.schauspielbuehnen.de/schauspielbuehnen-in-stuttgart/tickets-termine/abonnements/blind-date-abo.html#jump

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I second the hobby suggestion, but I suggest that worrying at first about the age gap between you and the other hobbyists is misplaced. If you just want socialization and to learn the language, there's nothing wrong with older friends.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Couldn't agree more with aqua_minie - looking for a partner when you're lonely is a bad idea. You'll be needy and will depend on her too much. Not attractive. Not to mention you tend to attract all the wrong kind of people when you feel like that.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lonely or not.. looking for a partner is usual a bad thing...

 

The right one usually comes and finds you...!!

 

in the meantime.. go out... get pissed... enjoy the freedom and vank yourzelf zilly..

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Need anyone tell you what else a girlfriend is good for?

Really! :rolleyes:

 

You would like my list of what girl friends are useful for? (transportation,bossing around, lost buttons, fetching this and that,advise good or bad.Intimacy should be the last thing if she is steadfast enough to look after the former.( more likely you don't have to ask very loud for the latter.)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I second the hobby suggestion, but I suggest that worrying at first about the age gap between you and the other hobbyists is misplaced. If you just want socialization and to learn the language, there's nothing wrong with older friends.

 

Older friends like... Atoning Unifex?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

I always thought it was a "warm dictionary" (mine wasn't long-haired either).

 

The term I am familiar with is a 'sleeping dictionary'.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Easiest way..

 

1. Shift back to a studentwohnheim (student hostel) either private or ones from Stuttgart Univ/hochscule .Its not only finding friends, you are wasting best time of life as a student living alone in a house.Even if it mean sleeping on floor ( of course with mattress on it) in someone else (your countrymen maybe a good option) room.

2. Or just run like forest gump, from one end of stuggart to another and people will follow

 

Yorambo

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Perhaps one thing no-one has really pointed out yet is that this isn't an ex-pat problem - Lots of Germans who significantly relocate (Hamburg to Stuttgart, for instance) have similar issues, although admittedly they often have mates "back home" to fall back on.

 

Back in the day I was in the same position and successfully followed the "hobby" route, but make sure its something you are actually passionate about, not just something you take up to be less lonely. I have also had experience with VHS language courses - It depends very much on the individuals involved, but they often lead to private socialising too.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join this expat group over FB. You will be bombarded with invitations to take part in all different kids of events.

 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/StuttgartExpatMeetups/

 

No more excuses now :-)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm interested to know what the responses would have been had the OP been a girl saying "Very lonely, no friends or boyfriend!".

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

pog451 - very true. One German friend and colleague who used to live and work here in Dusseldorf got married and they moved to Stuttgart.

 

She is finding it incredibly hard to find friends - and that's over years. They are both Christians and have tried out lots of different church groups but haven't felt comfortable in any of them.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As we age,our prerequisites for friendship gets inversely proportionate to our need to have more friends. It becomes more and more stringent.

 

As kids and youngsters, one hi, one cigarette exchange, one smile, one stupidity, one prank, one drink too many,one shared book or seat are enough to be friends.

7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

As kids and youngsters, one hi, one cigarette exchange, one smile, one stupidity, one prank, one drink too many,one shared book or seat are enough to be friends.

 

I think we still have those types of friendly relationships, we just don't refer to them as friends anymore.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel you, I've been in the same lonely place here, and still am in many ways.

It isn't just you, this place can be hard to find a community, I've lived in other cultures where it is much easier.

 

What has worked for me:

 

Couchsurfing - Not necessarily to sleep on people couches, but to use the website to search for a local "Group" From these group pages (most big cities have one) you will find weekly or monthly "CS meetups" or other activities. The people you meet at Couchsurfing group meetups will be much more likely be open to meeting new people. (I find many Germans that you'll just meet out and about will already have their social circles be complete and won't be open to adding anyone)

 

Facebook - Most cities now also have facebook groups either for expats of for people who are "Neu hier" These can be great resources for activities and for just sharing information.

 

Meetup - Only works if you live in a big city, but might have fun at board game meetup, etc.

 

Giving up on trying to befriend Germans, and focus on hanging out with other expats - overtime most of the friends I've made here have been either other expats, or people who are half-german like me. Sure these people may be more transitory, but they'll also be more likely by open to opening up to new people.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Accept the loneliness, be the loneliness. Screw other people. You are everyone you need.

 

When you can't take it anymore, cry. Then get up and go look at yourself in the mirror. Cry some more.

 

Then call yourself a pussy for crying and go to the gym.

 

Come back all pumped up. Feel like your old confident cool self again. Now the world is your playground once more.

 

Exist for few days with decaying confidence.

 

Cry again when necessary. Repeat above procedure.

 

P.S. This strategy also works when you are house hunting, by the way.

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hallo friends,

 

1st thanks a lot for sharing & suggestions, & I'm grateful for you ... I'll try all of the provided ideas, starting with the new ones, & I'll tell you what the updates are; for whom it may concern :)

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

As we age,our prerequisites for friendship gets inversely proportionate to our need to have more friends. It becomes more and more stringent.

 

As kids and youngsters, one hi, one cigarette exchange, one smile, one stupidity, one prank, one drink too many,one shared book or seat are enough to be friends.

 

poori 100 takke ki bat keh di apne Rajeshji...

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

As we age,our prerequisites for friendship gets inversely proportionate to our need to have more friends. It becomes more and more stringent.

 

As kids and youngsters, one hi, one cigarette exchange, one smile, one stupidity, one prank, one drink too many,one shared book or seat are enough to be friends.

 

poori 100 takke ki bat keh di apne Rajeshji...

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now