Being depressed about where you live

108 posts in this topic

I actually wanted to use "what if you truly hate where you live" as the subject line because that is more accurate, so please don't get hung up on the word "depressed". I had to find a keyword for the search :)

 

I am not an expat but I figured some people here might be able to relate. I hate where I live. Yes, I am thinking about options to get out of here (and I know I will have to, at some point, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life being miserable in a place I hate). But for now, it's not possible. (Let's just try to not argue that point, please. :rolleyes: )

 

So, how DO you cope? How do you make the most of your life if you live in a place you really can't stand anymore? For the record, I don't live in Baden-Baden, it's just the general region. I live in a shitty, depressing errr I mean beautiful little village.

 

I'd appreciate it if there were no personal attacks because this is a difficult subject for me to talk about. Thanks. :unsure:

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If you hate where you live, the two options are 1) move and 2) deal with it. Since you rule out 1), for reasons you choose not to divulge (which makes it more difficult to help you, BTW - it might be the thing keeping you there that you actually hate, for example, and not the fact that you think you can't leave), you'll just have to deal with it.

 

A bit more detail would be helpful: what exactly don't you like about where you live? Are you from there originally or did you end up there?

 

And if you can't escape altogether, could you at least get out more on weekends or when you're not working?

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Have a look at the map. How far away are you from the nearest border? Take day or weekend trips to to France or Switzerland. If you don't own a car try to book with Deutsche Bahn 3 months in advance and you will get plenty of good deals.

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I live in a place I hate...well a place where I was born, but don't feel at home. On very shitty days I feel like I'm close to having a breakdown. *deep breath*

 

Although I see you say that moving is not an option, yet, I don't think I could ever live with that. I mean this just would not be an option for me, I would keep trying and trying to move away, until I succeed!

 

However, if you can't move any sooner, then set a goal or make a timeline for your future move, and keep working towards it. Maybe it will give you something to look forward to, especially during the hard times. For instance, every time you're pissed off beyond belief, you can sigh deeply and tell yourself, It.Will.Be.Over.Soon! It.Will.Be.Over.Soon.

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Is it only the town, or also the actual house/apartment where you live?

 

It's only the town. I like my home itself, just not where it is.

 

I am not from here, ended up here due to my parents moving to the area when I was an older teen, then met my future husband and settled down with him. Him and the kids and the house being the reason why I'm stuck here. If I was single, nothing could hold me here!

 

ElJeffo, I try to get away whenever I can, but it never seems to be enough. At some point it also becomes a financial issue. Escapes cost money (but since they are important to me, I suck it up).

 

Aquaminie, I want to get out of here before I'm 50. Not sure how yet but I really know I have to. I don't want to grow old in this place.

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So, how DO you cope?

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And

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And

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And

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In all seriousness, we need more info.

What exactly do you hate? Is there anything in particular that makes you feel that way? Etc.

 

EDIT;

Ah. OK. Have you spoken with your husband about your feelings? You seem keen to move, is it a feasible option for you and your family?

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Have you talked to your husband about this? As you say that it's him and the kids that are keeping you where you are, I'm guessing that his job is there? (But I might be wrong there - it might be your job as well). If your husband knows how you feel, might he be amenable to moving? I know it's not always easy with kids when they're settled in schools and so forth, but at least the two of you could talk and make plans for the future - plot an escape route!

 

If you know that there's an end date it might make it easier to cope with living there in the meantime.

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Any decent town in 50 kms distance?

 

If yes, can you discuss with your husband about him commuting? (if there is an Autobahn in the vicinity)

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Have encountered the same feelings due to the same reasons. However, after 9.5 years of sacrifice (and yes despite Munich's positives, that's how I see - professionally and personally), we've decided to leave Germany/Europe.

 

I truly believe that if you value your partner, you try and compromise for the sake of their happiness. My compromise has been made and will hopefully in the next year and a half, be a thing of the past. As others have said, you and xoxoxo really need to sit down and explain to your husbands how unhappy you are. Surely a relationship consists of the needs and desires of two people, not only of one?

 

In answer to the practicalities of getting by on a day-to-day basis from my experience: friends, English TV/radio/literature, travel, going to concerts, hobbies etc.

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Do you have Fernweh or do you think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence? Since you are married I can see that moving is difficult.So you have to try to change yourself.Most of us expats moved to see what it looks at the other side and many of us got stuck not by choice but by circumstances.If you are fifty,getting rich belongs most likely to the past, so make the rest of your days as comfortable as possible and give up on thoughts of envy and competition,they can be poison. As you seem to be bilingual you already have a greatly expanded horizon and with today's technology the world is open to you anyway.Time goes by so fast and if anyone would ever told me that I would live to into the eighties or that I would see the places I did see, I would have told them to stop.Acceptance gets easier as one gets older and it is not only resignation.Change little things around you and stop fretting on missing out of things others brag about.Reality is what you are and what you make of yourself and appreciate little things in life and remember that it is never as bad that it could not get worse.cheers.

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It's only the town... I am not from here, ended up here due to my parents moving to the area when I was an older teen, then met my future husband and settled down with him. Him and the kids and the house being the reason why I'm stuck here...

With respect to the fact that you don't want to give too may details but there's something I'm not getting here.

 

OK, I can understand you not having much of a choice of having moved to this area with your parents as a teen.

 

But in all the years between that, meeting your husband, having children and even buying/building (not sure?) a house did you never bring the subject up about hating the area/town? I mean from what you've described it doesn't sound like this cropped up recently. Why would you, or your husband for that matter as well, want to make such a commitment (relationship wise & finanacially) if you're someplace you really hate?

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With respect to the fact that you don't want to give too may details but there's something I'm not getting here.

 

OK, I can understand you not having much of a choice of having moved to this area with your parents as a teen.

 

But in all the years between that, meeting your husband, having children and even buying/building (not sure?) a house did you never bring the subject up about hating the area/town? I mean from what you've described it doesn't sound like this cropped up recently. Why would you, or your husband for that matter as well, want to make such a commitment (relationship wise & finanacially) if you're someplace you really hate?

 

Erika, that commitment was made in 1989, which was a long time ago. It was a good place to raise children in a healthy environment (in all ways), but now I'm done with it.

 

I want to thank everyone who commiserated and shared their own feelings and listed their ways of dealing with it. I am already doing some of them but I got a few new ideas as well.

 

xoxoxo, a big hug to you. My kids are older than yours (based on your age ;-)) so at least I do get frequent escapes. I don't know what I'd do without them.

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I think you have to try to figure out what it is you don't like about a place. For me it's the winters in Germany are too extreme for me. The dry cold chaps my fingers to shreds and I get autumn and spring tiredness - I was raised by the sea with its humid air and miss it.

 

I said to my wife last year when it was minus 20 I do not want to spend the rest of my life in this town and she agreed when the kids finished school we could move then.

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I too think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. I'm quite sure he'd rather have a happy wife, if that means moving. My GerMan had to move twice [out of Germany, then out of the crap CA city he dragged me to, kicking and screaming from San Francisco] to try and see me smile again, so I think yours can do it. :)

 

Marriage is about compromise. When mama ain't happy, the whole family suffers!

 

Barring being able to move, my coping strategy has always been gardening, but that can't be done year round in Germany, so I'd say pick up some winter hobbies. Skiing? Snowshoeing? Online chess? ;)

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Smoke a lot of weed. Join a swinger club. Listen to a lot of Emo music. Maybe get into self-hurting.

 

I dunno myself. I'm getting close to the escape hatch thankfully. Good luck stranger!

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Join a swinger club.

 

That too would have to be negotiated. My husband said no nein. :P

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