Introducing yourself to the neighbors

[Katrina 4,522]

I know all the people in my building, but I have lived there for 10 years and there are only 8 flats.

While we don't hang out, all say hello and no, I didn't go and do the introductions thing.

 

The lady on the first floor is 92 and lives alone, she's never married and had no kids - maybe that's why we keep in touch.

She takes in my parcels and I send her postcards from my holidays, as she would have loved to travel so likes to see where I go.

[camlough 1,859]

When I was young, my Mum dragged me round the house to introduce ourselves, but we only ever lived in houses that had a max of 6 parties. I always hated it. Having said that, in my younger years we were always on fairly friendly terms with neighbours.

 

Fast forward many years and in England I never knew who my neighbours were, nor would I have cared.

 

In Ireland it varied, the last house I lived in in a houseshare and the girl who owned it knew some people of course, but I never bothered much, other than saying hello.

 

Here in Germany I don't know any neighbours, but do say Hi or something if I see them. I know several by sight and do chat to an older lady with dog occasionally.

 

It's probably different in the country I suppose.

[Noel Furlong 3,307]

 

I tend to duck into doorways and elevators when I hear the not-so-hushed dulcet tones of certain neighbours. I guess that makes me socially inept, but I don't really care.

 

I reckon you aren't alone on that. I bet quite a lot of people on here have stood at the front door of their apartment and waited until another occupant of the building has closed the door behind them after coming up the stairs. That sort of behaviour is similar to two people who know each other a bit but do their very best not to see each other on the street when they pass.

[Krieg 15,074]

We live in a semi-detached house so befriending our other half was kind of a must, but it was no big deal, the people we bought the house from were problematic (brought our neighbors to court for stupid things like watering the garden after 8pm and so on) so everyone was happy to see new and potentially friendly faces. Then we became really good friends with our neighbor in front who is a Tagesmutter and now we send our kids there. The neighbor from the other side was no more than a hello here and there and sometimes a couple of minutes of conversation, they just moved out.

 

However we've found that getting to know your neighbors is extremely useful, you do not have to be buddy-buddies but you can help each other. Here some examples of things I've gotten/given help from/to neighbors:

 

- Keeping emergency keys for each other

- Taking care of cats, garden and mail when on holidays.

- Help to jump-start cars when having battery problems

- Help to dig out cars from snow when stuck (actually I drive a SUV, so I never get stuck)

- Help to carry heavy stuff from shops or to the recyclinghof

- Giving a hand with different kind of things when sick

- Short unplanned emergency babysitting

- Borrowing showers when one is having warm water trouble.

- Help with small projects (repairing fencing, etc)

- Pooling up for getting better prices when buying heating oil and hiring snow cleaning services

 

And the list goes on.

 

Funny enough, there are some rivalries in our street and we inherited 'enemies' when we chose who to befriend.

 

Edit: We've got a couple of welcome gifts when we moved in. Basket with fruits and plants IIRC. And we exchange small Christmas presents every year.

[Guest]

In our small town, we introduce ourselves to new neighbors, but I try not to make too many close friendships there, as I'm only there on weekends and I don't want to be invited places or feel like I have to invite people over. I like my alone time with the family, when we're not on the baseball field all weekend anyway.

 

In my apartment in Munich, or whereever I happen to be living during the week, I hold the door for the neighbors, say good morning or good evening, I'll help the old lady get the baby carriage up the stairs and that's about it. I don't know their names. I don't even put my name on door or mailbox and generally don't want to be bothered.

[gurudev 247]

In Bangalore I didn't bother much with the other tenants in the building (there were 7 of them) but I did get to know a few over time just with a hello and or while coming through. It wasn't expected of Bachelors to mix too much with neighbours so one kept their distance. In my hometown we knew all the tenants on the block and along the street, socializing and joining in festivities. In Munich I didn't even know my neighbours when I lived in a flat but in the student dormitory I got to know others while walking to or from the bus stop or supermarket or jogging, etc.

 

Don't bother with formalities, nothing is right or wrong with how you are doing it. Just do what comes naturally to you.

[pog451 2,486]

I read this thread and then I think about all the TT "The Germans are cold and unfriendly and I cant get to know any of them" threads. Hmmmm.

 

Do what you want to. There isnt a hard and fast rule but it can have distinct advantages to be at least on "can you water my plants while Im away" terms with at least one neighbour and the sooner you open up communication channels the easier this will be. Its a recognised way of getting to know people here.

 

It also depends on where you live. When I lived in a flat, I knew the people across the hall, recognised the people up and down one floor but didnt have a clue about anyone else. When I moved to a terrace, we all saw each other in the garden in the summer anyway. Some we liked, some we didnt. At least one family has become good friends we are still in touch with. Now we live in a detached place we didnt actually go round to the neighbours but we did make a point of inviting them over for a beer if we were having one and we saw them walk past. Some of them even came to us (with bread and salt). We are on good terms with all and a couple will become friends.

 

Of course, if you don't want to meet anyone or feel they arent people you want to know better, to heck with it.

[Spoilt_Brat 2]

Dont worry about it too much. I enjoy living upto my expected role of heathen auslander. I enjoy listening to heavy metal on 11 at 8pm on a sunday evening and leaving my leaky bin bags outside the apartment door for a day or two before putting the sack of half rotted chicken carcasses and beer cans into the paper dumpster.

 

As you will really never properly integrate with your community without spending 56 hours a week on german language and etiquete courses I find it more entertaining to act up as the social pariah that I am.

[LukeSkywalker 7,643]

 

I personally find it creepy to knock on people's doors and introduce myself to them

If that is already a hurdle, then you spend too much time online instead of offline.

 

 

To me, she might as well have expected me to ask them to come get acquainted over Kaffee and Kuchen while watching me have a bath.

That's an overreaction. You don't need to be intimate

 

 

I've never cared who I lived next to...

I personally didn't introduce myself too all tenants in the buidling (10), but at least to my two next-door neighbours. One of them has a spare key now and that came in handy when I locked myself out once. Or he accepted a parcel. Sometimes you run out of sugar. It has very practical reasons as well to have a good relationship with your next-door neighbour.

[Bipa 5,814]

I still remember our first contact with our closest new neighbours here after buying the house. The man came over and I was hoping for a nice introduction and welcome to the community. Instead the man simply asked if we'd be willing to sell our garage in the communal area*. He was very disappointed when we said no, and our relationship never warmed up after that. I did make an effort the first year to be friendly, but now we mostly just ignore each other.

 

I've gotten to know the neighbour behind us simply by chatting over the fence and we seem to be getting along as acquaintances. But the kitty-corner neighbours are known to me only as a voice yelling "ruhe!" whenever I am outside playing with my dogs in the late afternoon. It's been three years and I still have no clue about the face which goes along with that voice.

 

*(A bunch of garages were built in a communal area near the entrance to our community. No garages were ever allowed right next to a house, and no new garages are allowed to be built at all. Not every house has access to a garage. Each garage is legally attached to a particular property and can be bought and sold separately from the house, but our home purchase included the deed to one of the garages.)

[Rebecca 880]

In my experience German neighbours are quite sensitive to whether I really want to chat or not and if I need to get away I look at my watch and say I have an appointment to keep (usually true). There is a strong sense of returning a favour - a few weeks ago my husband helped a new neighbour jump start his car, the next day he brought us chocolates. If you want someone to take in parcels for you, care for pets or water plants when you are away then it's worth making the effort. Also I think they are less likely to complain about noise and stuff if you have got to know them a little. If you live alone or you have children who forget their doorkey sometimes, it is a good idea to leave a spare key with someone who isn't too far away. There are of course exceptions, a friend of mine has the 'neighbour from hell' and it only took a few days to find this out. If your neighbours haven't already shown themselves to be awful then there is probably no risk in getting to know them better.

[Tibia 1,974]

I've never introduced myself to any of my neighbours and none of the new neighbours in my building have introduced themselves to me, but we all smile and say 'hallo' when we meet on the stairs, and take in each others' parcels etc.

My take on it is that we all live in rather close circumstances, with house doors that don't really block out sound very effectively, so the nearer you are, the greater the need to respect personal space.

[mingagirl 42]

I just moved into a new apartment and everyone (six apartments) introduced themselves to me. It was really nice. I would have been uncomfortable knocking on all their doors. What in the world would you say in German?

[westvan 9,706]

You'd say "Guten Tag, Mingagirl mein Name. Ich bin die neue Nachbarin und wollte mich nur kurz vorstellen."

[Für Elise 3,847]

We introduced ourselves to our neighbours briefly with smiles and nods when we first moved in. They introduced themselves to me as I was staggering under a fairly big moving box so weren't in the slightest bit insulted when I said I had to go and put the box down but it put a nice end to the conversation just as it was starting to get awkward. We take in their parcels, they take in ours, we smile and say hello, we're not friends but we're friendly and I think that's plenty.

 

Our across-the-street neighbours are hilarious. I was up late one night and saw the elderly lady over the road sweeping her driveway at 1:15am before emptying the contents of her shovel over her neighbour's fence. They spoke to my mother (whose preferred method of communication with Germans is shouting, I'm sorry, I don't speak German, can you understand me? until they get bored and wander off) when she came on a visit so I fear we're now beyond the pale as far as Scheiss-Auslaender go :ph34r:

[dessa_dangerous 13,315]

wow, thanks for all the responses! It does seem that living in a smaller building, smaller town or more single-family type dwellings leads to more neighbor interaction. Good know that there are no hard and fast rules about this, I certainly feel like less of a foreign freak now

 

 

If that is already a hurdle, then you spend too much time online instead of offline.

 

excuse my French, but, what the *fuck* are you on about? Not wanting to invade people's private personal space by knocking on their doors and forcing them into having a conversation with me means I'm somehow defect? Get real buddy.

[loz_adele 840]

I couldn’t agree with you more on this dessa. I live in a building with 12 flats including ours and I certainly didn’t go around knocking on doors when I moved in. I would have felt a right muppet saying ‘hi I’m so and so’ 11 times (plus you can hear everything that goes on in my building anyway so one time probably would have sufficed..) I did say hello if I crossed paths with anyone, which sometimes led to them asking if I was the new neighbour and then I introduced myself but that was about it. I now know a few faces who I sometimes have a little 5 minute chat with and whom I feel I could ask for a bit sugar or whatever if needs be but I don’t know any names. What if they got into the habit of inviting you in for a cuppa? You’d have to return the favour and then you’d have to start keeping your flat clean and tidy all the time on the off chance that someone ‘pops by’. I can’t be doing with that. I know some people enjoy that but my flat is only one room and half the time looks like a shit hole, it’s certainly not meant for entertaining. Even my closest friends have only been round a handful of times in the four years I’ve lived there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being neighbourly and I’m certainly not a loner but my home is my castle and when I’m in it I want to be left alone. I don’t open the door if I’m not expecting anyone and I don’t answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number either. If I hear someone in the treppenhaus when I’m about to go out and I don’t feel like talking then I wait until they’ve gone. I don’t think it’s rude, I think it’s just a privacy thing. Most of my neighbours seem very nice but I don’t want them to know all about me and take note of all my comings and goings. I don't want them to invite me in for kaffee and kuchen. But that’s just me. I guess in my case, I find too much socializing drains me and my flat is the one place I am guaranteed a bit of peace and quiet, I wouldn't want that taken away by having neighbours knocking on my door or feeling obligated to have a polite cup of coffee on a sunday afternoon when all I want to do is lie in bed with a book, so I prefer to be on friendly terms but at a distance.

[LukeSkywalker 7,643]

Dessa: It is you who asked the forum if your behaviour and actions are normal or borderline sociopathic. IMHO, you make this topic far bigger than it actually is by using strong words like fear, creepy, invade, force and privacy, but I apologize if you didn’t want to hear this.

[Lool 258]

I'd rather die than knock on a stranger's door just to say hello, but I don't have a problem saying hi and/or chatting with my neighbors if I see them on the stairs.

[rodisi 657]

Life is funny, isn't it? We travel thousands of miles to go on holiday(vacation) make friends and exchange email address yet we don't want to know who the fuck lives next door to us 50 weeks a year.

 

 

hide behind the door until the neighbours have gone

What the hell is the matter with people? What is wrong with a smile and a hello? Are you afraid the neighbours will invite you to a night of drugs and wife-swapping with a bit of S&M?

 

 

.. I am actually a very extroverted person;

 

 

 

....instead of just ducking into my hovel and shutting out the outside world...

I think you may have a distorted understanding of the definition of extrovert.

 

 

I never talk to the neighbours unless they talk to me first but I don't try to avoid them if they want to get friendly ...

Germans are unfriendly?

 

Ms Dessa, you don't have to go out of your way to meet the neighbours conversely I'd say don't try to avoid them - you've no idea what an amazing person you may be missing. :)