Need advice on dating German guy

[Bathos 3]

 

So I guess I'm just another American girl banging her head against the wall and wondering if there's a casual way to make a first move in German culture, and whether such a move, if rejected, tends to mean the end of the friendship like it too-often does in the US.

 

What's a casual move? A kiss? On very limited subjective experience, that's a "thought about it and ready to get naked" signal, for both sexes; not an "I'm interested in you" move. Maybe a source of perceived hesitation?

[badbcky 8]

 

What's a casual move? A kiss? On very limited subjective experience, that's a "thought about it and ready to get naked" signal, for both sexes; not an "I'm interested in you" move. Maybe a source of perceived hesitation?

 

Ah, no. Casual move as in "trying not to come on too strong" rather than what you said. Casual in reference to the actual move than is made, rather than in reference to the intentions behind it.

[SJ1 2,052]

 

Yes, I understand it's not cheating, as you've discussed it with your guy back home, and both agreed it's okay to see other people. However, this is not that common in German culture. Plus, as I said, from your description the GerMan is a nice guy - so I'm assuming he has backed off because, if he starts something with you, he wants more than just a fleeting affair.

 

Why you're still seeing each other all the time? He's saying "yes" when he should be saying "no", or he's hoping you can be "just friends".

 

Its not all that common in the US either. Happens but hardly a norm. While I do know friends who engage in a variety of lifestyles, a dude telling me he was in an open relationship would be the kill all for me. Not interested.

[Chocky 1,223]

 

This year I asked my husband for us to try an 'open marriage'. He said no.

 

Erm, seriously mlovett? If my wife had asked me that question, she would have divorce papers in her hands right now.

[mlovett 8,681]

Chocky, my question was in response to actions on HIS part which prompted me to ask HIM for a divorce. Do try and keep up with the TT gossip.

 

We're still discussing the matter. In counseling.

Anyhoo, I've ordered the book that BadBecky mentioned. Apparently humans are not evolutionarily programmed for monogamy. Just because someone strays, must it mean the end of the marriage? Why not let the goose get what the gander got? All's fair in love and war. Or so they say.

[Chocky 1,223]

 

Chocky, my question was in response to actions on HIS part which prompted me to ask HIM for a divorce. Do try and keep up with the TT gossip.

 

Because I am too lazy to read back through your posts.. do tell.

[Quiche Lorraine 161]

Does anyone else read all of mlovett's posts in an Ethel Merman voice? http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=plpp&v=v4hI-xhGZug

[GermanistBSO 63]

 

This is nuts...You pay for anyone you do anything with if they're a woman? Do you never stop and think that might come off as a little patronising? "Oh don't worry dear, I can see you have a vagina there, I'll just settle the bill for you". Heck maybe they like it...not sure they'd be the kind of woman I'd like to go out with though. Personally I go halves, because I think it's damned rude to expect the girl to pay for more than her fair share, and likewise if she expects me to pay for more than my fair share on something that's so easy to divide, then I'm gonna feel a bit miffed to say the least.

 

I realise I quoted the wrong person in this post by the way, that was a little stupid of me, sorry folks.

[badbcky 8]

Since I have been in an open relationship, I have to admit it never really worked for me. Funny thing is, now he says it was my idea and I say it was his. I think either we are going to break up (seems more likely) or end up being monogamous again. I don't know if it works better if the other person can sometimes see other people or not. It's hard to tell, since only ONE relationship you ever have will ever work out, right? For some people that's the first relationship and for some people it's the 100th relationship!

 

How long were you guys together, mlovett?

 

 

Chocky, my question was in response to actions on HIS part which prompted me to ask HIM for a divorce. Do try and keep up with the TT gossip.

 

We're still discussing the matter. In counseling.

Anyhoo, I've ordered the book that BadBecky mentioned. Apparently humans are not evolutionarily programmed for monogamy. Just because someone strays, must it mean the end of the marriage? Why not let the goose get what the gander got? All's fair in love and war. Or so they say.

 

[Chocky 1,223]

 

since only ONE relationship you ever have will ever work out, right?

 

You said it. It's probably best to just fess up when the idea is first posited and tell your partner "i'd like to fuck other people because i'm not really sure that I want to spend the next 20 years of my life only having sex with you", rather than labouring under the delusion that it's somehow healthy for the relationship you're already in.

[schnurrbart 1]

[adminmerge][/adminmerge]

 

Yes there's seriously another post on this topic.

 

Ive trawled this site searching for answers because the german guy in question is particularly confusing. Other german men have made their interest me extremely obvious. This guy is just... beyond comprehension.

 

Let me explain...

 

im in the process of moving to berlin so have been staying at hotels and hostels while sorting things out.

At one of them I started to have a thing for one of the guys who worked there.

 

I had noticed him looking dreamy eyed/spaced out in my direction and later we had a nice chat about music and found out he has good taste as well as a wickedly charming smile and eyes that I want to dive into...

 

anyway, as the days passed we kept making eye contact and gave each other a few awkard "hi"s and smiles.

One night before he was leaving he went out for a smoke and kept sticking his head around the window and looking in..me as the awkward weirdo I am decided id keep my eyes fixated on the ground...derp. . He then came back inside and akwardly hung around where I was sat in reception, facing the wall until I said hi. We spoke for about 5 mins...it was pretty awkward and there were some silences. At one point he stood at a 90 degree angle to me and stared off into the distance.

However he did miss his train to hang around even though he had to get up early the next morning. On the other hand the next train was only 20 mins later...

 

A few nights later I asked him for a lighter and we smoked together. Again very awkward convo, mostly one sided he didnt ask me much and there were more silent moments.

 

A few nights later i somehow got speaking to some people he knew and they invited me to a bar with them. His input was that the bar played the kind of music i like and that i would enjoy it. We managed to speak a bit more but it was still a little stiff and awkward. However, our faces got nearer and nearer to almost touching point..perhaps hes just deaf and couldnt hear me well but he definitely came in closer the more we spoke...a lot closer than the standard "im coming in close coz its loud in here"... We hugged bye and after I let go it seemed like he was leaning in... but I freaked out and assumed i was misinterpreting the leaning in so gave him another hug to diffuse any potentional weirdness, tho I think he was confused by the awkward second hug... He seemed to lose his weird unimpressed german attitude when I mentioned i'd be back in the country soon... I think I could even call his reaction...excited!?

He had also stared at me intensely earlier that day. His blank expression made me question whether I had something on my face, though I was assured I did not.

 

So... next time im there what do I do!? Do I assume there's some interest there? Should I ask him for a drink...alone or with people? How the hell do I get this weird boy to engage in conversation!? Help people... this deutch boy has turned my mind to mush in the confusion!

[Guest]

 

So... next time im there what do I do!?

 

Fly the flag for Britain!!

 

Get wankered on Mad Dog 20/20... Show him yer tits and bang like a shithouse door till you cant walk straight!!

 

or you could just ignore my advice!

[tor 17,444]

 

 

Ive trawled this site searching for answers because the german guy in question is particularly confusing.

 

because that's what this site is good for...

 

grow a pair or grow a vagina. just grow up.

[schnurrbart 1]

Alright alright, no need to be rude! This site does actually point to a lot of differences in dating in germany so excuse me for trying to find answers! In england i'd have got in this guys pants no problem... but only coz I get how the whole chatting up malarky works. Theres a different construct in germany as far as ive experienced and I wanted other peoples opinion on whether im totally off the mark in assuming this guy is interested or not because if this guy was english id assume he wasn't but according to other germans and other posts on this site there's a good chance he could be.

[Tann 17]

No, you are the only one, who is still trolling...

[schnurrbart 1]

aww c'mon. You cant tell me that its normal for someone to stare at you all night then when you have a conversation with them they decide to stand perpendicular to you and stare into the distance saying nothing?! What the hell am I supposed to make of that?! S' riously. Help me out here!

[jeba 4,364]

Simply don´t beat around the bush. Simply give him some ebcouragement. E. g. make some remarks like "what a pity I have to leave - but I´m looking forward to seeing you again upon my return" or something like that. Or next time you give him a good-bye hug just hold him a bit tighter and longer than usual etc. and for good measure make some remark like you heard Germans don´t give hugs but you hope he doesn´t mind and you like being so close to him. If he is into you he won´t fail to get the hint.

[Chocky 1,223]

Here's a hint, his nationality is nothing to do with it. You're 24 not 16, surely you're capable of figuring this out for yourself?

[Sir Percy B 1,309]

Seems Maths was not one of young stronger subjects Chocky... :rolleyes:

[Feierabend 1,146]

He's confused by your moustache.