Need advice on dating German guy

[bluedave 2,499]

A fart after eating a burger? :P

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

Ok before share my 2 cents on this topic I just want to say that my views may not be shared by a majority. And anyone who feels offended by what I wrote should understand that there is no one single standard to dating. Your way of dating might differ from mine and it might be successful for you.

If go on a date, I expect the man to pay. If he does not pay he does not get a second date with me. Ideally the first date would not last for hours, would be rather short and it would be us having coffee etc. Second date would be us having lunch, dinner or going to a sports event together (football, baseball, basketball etc.)

If a guy likes you,regardless of his nationality, he will let you know. German guys can be very generous, romantic and deep. They also make really loyal and good friends.

Most of the German men I dated always paid for me. My former coworkers with whom I often go for lunch or coffee, also always pay for me. As far as coworkers and good friends and concerned I also invite them out and pay for them.

However you must know that I am a very generous person when it comes to friendships and loved ones. I will shower my friends and loved ones with gifts and attention. I am that friend who will show up with a pot of chicken soup and meds when a friend of mine is bedridden. I will cancel all my appointments to be with my friend(s) if they land up at the hospital and need to get an operation. My good friends can call me any time of the day if they need my help. I am a very reliable person and will go out of my way to help my good friends. I do not get offended if a friend does not call or is unavailable. He/she might be going through a rough patch. I always tell them that I will be there for them.

Someone mentioned New Yorkers and dating. I have dated considerable amount of men from New York and almost all of them were true gentlemen. If some dude let the door slam in my face, he would not find me following him into the restaurant. I would dump him right there. And that without saying a word. I would just walk off. For me "holding doors" is not limited to dating. I hold doors for other people so anyone who is with me should have the decency to hold doors for others.

New Yorkers are pretty skilled when it comes to dating. Some men from New York will try to impress you by buying gifts (jewelery). I have never accepted such a gift from a date cause I believe such presents should only be accepted if you are on serious terms with someone (engaged, married)

If you don’t have good dating skills, date some people from New York and they will sort you out. lol.

[bluedave 2,499]

 

If go on a date, I expect the man to pay. If he does not pay he does not get a second date with me.

 

You also ask for a copy of their last 3 payslips before deciding whether to see them again?

[toko 475]

 

If go on a date, I expect the man to pay. If he does not pay he does not get a second date with me. Ideally the first date would not last for hours, would be rather short and it would be us having coffee etc. Second date would be us having lunch, dinner or going to a sports event together (football, baseball, basketball etc.)

What if you're really falling for a guy and he doesn't like your bureaucracy?

[nina_glyndwr 4,748]

If someone asks you out, why should they not pay? When I suggested to my female friend that we went for a coffee and a natter, I paid. (She's now back in the US.) My idea, I pay. I like treating people. I suppose if the other person who actually invites you out somewhere does not pay for you, it would be evidence of a miserly nature. And if that's not your nature, then you are well out of it as you already know that the other person's nature is very different to yours and you wouldn't be on the same wavelength.

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

 

What if you're really falling for a guy and he doesn't like your bureaucracy?

 

I don't. If he does not like it tough luck.

[Bipa 5,814]

This is how most North Americans still view dating:

 

From the Sumter Daily Item newspaper, Wednesday September 21, 1983

 

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

 

You also ask for a copy of their last 3 payslips before deciding whether to see them again?

 

What a brilliant idea! You think I should hold a separate meeting with each date in which we discuss my date's payslips and accumulated wealth?

(Pun intended)

[Jeanie 2,598]

 

If someone asks you out, why should they not pay? When I suggested to my female friend that we went for a coffee and a natter, I paid. (She's now back in the US.) My idea, I pay. I like treating people. I suppose if the other person who actually invites you out somewhere does not pay for you, it would be evidence of a miserly nature.

I've always found though that at least in German there's a bit of a language clue. If someone wants to pay they will usually explicitly use the word "einladen", in my experience. But unless they've explicitly said that I would always assume I'm paying for myself. Just suggesting we do something together doesn't imply the person making the suggestion will pay. It's one of the things I love about Germany, no second-guessing and wondering who's paying.

[clickety6 4,152]

 

If go on a date, I expect the man to pay.

 

No pay, no lay!

 

:D

[ganzgeld 940]

From the OP's original questions:

 

1. I've "dated" three different German guys and their approaches were completely different. With the first, I don't really recall ever hanging out with his circle of friends. It took him a really long time (about two months) and me being pretty damn obvious to finally get that I was interested in him. The second guy and I met while we were both with friends at a bar. He used the classic, "Oh, you speak English." line and we exchanged numbers and met up for coffee. He "slyly" introduced me to his friends when we met. The third (current and best!!) German and I met when we happened to be in the same group of people at a bar. We decided we liked each other and exchanged numbers. The next time we saw each other it was in his group of friends. I didn't meet his parents until a couple of months later.

 

2. Again, the experience with three different German dudes have all been very different including sharing, splitting and what someone else wrote about "the prideful bill split calculation".

 

3. I never really noticed the door thing to be honest.

 

4. I never noticed the "dating up".

 

My conclusion is that in my limited experience you can't really paint the whole of Germany with one brush. You're going to get something different depending on where they live in the country and whether or not they've spent any time abroad, not to mention their own personal beliefs and personality. I guess the number one difference I've noticed between American men and German men is that they don't really do the game playing, so I don't think you really need to analyze situations and word phrasing so much. Actually, the only major difference between dating an English speaker and a German is that you completely lose any chance for using subtle language. You have to say what you mean or be misunderstood...unless you get a really good English speaker or you can speak really good German.

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

 

No pay, no lay!

 

 

 

So you view women-men courtship as prostitution? Good to know.

[desdemona 1,412]

 

I've always found though that at least in German there's a bit of a language clue. If someone wants to pay they will usually explicitly use the word "einladen", in my experience. But unless they've explicitly said that I would always assume I'm paying for myself. Just suggesting we do something together doesn't imply the person making the suggestion will pay. It's one of the things I love about Germany, no second-guessing and wondering who's paying.

 

That's right, suggesting to do something together doesn't mean that the person suggesting has to pay. When one wants to pay us one would use the word 'einladen' or 'invite'.

I didn't get that before. I kept wondering why my then crush (now hubby) kept using the word 'invite' for everything. 'i invite you for a coffee' 'i invite you for dinner' isn't it too formal? After being married for a year or so i finally got it :-P

[Jeanie 2,598]

 

Actually, the only major difference between dating an English speaker and a German is that you completely lose any chance for using subtle language. You have to say what you mean or be misunderstood...unless you get a really good English speaker or you can speak really good German.

 

LOL. This is so true. My first German boyfriend and I had a our first fight because of this. I was upset about something he had done or not done and he eventually admitted that he didn't always entirely understand what I was saying in English and would just nod his head. That left me properly flabbergasted - especially since I spent so much time having to get him to repeat or explain something if we were speaking German. Ah well, feck it. My German is far, far better than his English ever will be now.

[clickety6 4,152]

 

So you view women-men courtship as prostitution? Good to know.

 

Nope - quote came from a gay guy when the same topic cropped up in a group conversation.

Somebody asked him how he worked out who pays on a date when both of the couple are men :)

[Taryn1 17]

My boyfriend is younger than me, he just turned 22 and I am turning 25 in June. He was very forward when we met in Australia and called me by lunchtime the day after we met. To me that was strange (but in a good way!) because most guys these days seem to wait a few days as if they're not really that into you. He is also incredibly romantic. He helps me put my jacket on, carries ALL the shopping bags even when they are really, really heavy. If I am cold he gets one of his jackets and a thick pair of socks and even put the socks on for me It was the sock putting on that made me fall in love with him!

 

In terms of paying for dates it's a bit confusing. When we met he was travelling in Australia and I was working full time, so I had more money. Our first date was just coffee and he payed. After a few dates though we were paying half each, and after a few more weeks I would pay for some dates. These days we also pay half each, but seeing as I have moved to Germany recently and don't have a job yet he is paying for most things. I remember in Australia though when had just started dating he always bought the cheapest food before we met (EG: the cheapest cuts of ham at the deli and plain white Coles bread.) We went to Coles to get some food for a picnic and I wanted the fat free turkey that was at least 4x as expensive and some fancy 500 grain and seed bread and crazy expensive cheese and dips. I was fully expecting to pay for it, seeing as I knew he would never spend that much money on food and that he really couldn't afford it, but he flat out insisted on paying! I though that was really nice :)

[Babycakes 631]

 

What is "a force of American culture"?

 

I'm pretty sure it's Justin Timberlake.

[Lifeisabuffet 483]

 

I'm pretty sure it's Justin Timberlake.

 

LOL. :lol:

[martinluther 126]

Lifeisabuffet, I was born and raised 19 miles from Manhattan. Spent lots of time in NYC. I've dated lots of New Yorkers (and one from New Jersey, but enough about that). None of them EVER bought gifts for me on the first date. I don't think I ever even received flowers on the first date. I was lucky if they would come to the door, rather than sit in the daggone car honking the horn. Of course, they could sit there until hades froze over, but I digress. Upstaters are usually nicer than downstaters. That's just how it is, unless you are dating some upper west side rich guy. But they are in the "elite" category, so they have learned their social graces so they can be listed in the Manhattan social register. Incidentally, I married a 2nd generation purebred prussian-he was as German as any in the old country- and I don't recall him ever holding the door open for me. actually, he generally didn't even know I was in the room with him, but I have two sons who could be dropped into any German city and look as Aryan as the rest of ya'all!

[westvan 9,706]

 

look as Aryan as the rest of ya'all!

 

The rest of who all? Not many "Aryans" on this forum.