Life without alcohol

[desdemona 1,392]

 

Desdemona, I'm like you. As I tell people, expensive wines are wasted on me as I can just about tell the difference between wine and vinegar.

 

Sister!!

[robinson100 11,608]

Good decision Schotte, (and Jeremy too), I hope you can keep it up and be the person you want to be.

 

I think my solution would probably be to look for a drink that I like that tastes nothing like beer, but is somehow "special" - I dunno, maybe Bionade or something like that...

As for being "the one that doesn't drink" - well, you can easily say that you have to drive later and most people won´t bat an eyelid.

[dessa_dangerous 10,079]

happy to oblige with the wee timeline

 

Weeks 1-5: Obsessive thoughts, not about drinking, but about NOT drinking. Despite the negative implication of the word "obsessive" this is actually a very important time in your quest to become and remain a non-drinker. You will probably more or less constantly think, talk and even write about not drinking. It is in this time you are forming crucial, concrete ideas about yourself and your relationship to alcohol. I didn't do it this time around but in 2010 I compulsively wrote in my journal every night the reasons why I didn't want to drink and how much better my life was for it. By the time I quit again in 2011 I had pretty much memorized all those reasons, so as they came to me, I programmed them as appointments in my phone and set alarms to go off at specific times of day I knew to be difficult "trigger times". When you wake up first thing in the morning, the last thing you want is a drink. But as the day wears on, you can lose this resolve. So I'd set an alarm for right before lunch, mid-afternoon, right after work, and right after dinner. I'd read the little sentence or two that I'd written for myself, out loud, ten times, to remind myself to keep going.

 

Weeks 6-10 (roughly): You're doing well enough. Prescribing yourself a lifestyle change can be like taking psych meds--you're doing so well that you start to think you don't need whatever it is you've prescribed yourself. You make so much headway that you forget why you even gave up in the first place. This is a dangerous place to be, because you start bargaining with yourself--giving up the Guiness at the football, well, who wants to live a life like that? I'll just have a drink or two during the football and that's it. I'll only drink on the weekends. It'll be fine. This can be a really dangerous stage to navigate because you can really forget completely how much booze wrecks you. But take it from me, giving into your own bargaining will only be a self-esteem wrecking setback that it could take weeks, months or even years to recover from enough to give it a go again. The damage it does to your will to quit in the future is heavy. Don't give in, you'll only regret it.

 

Weeks 11-infinity: You're over both obsessive stages and reach for non-alcoholic beverages in the evening without a second thought. People offer you booze and you say, no thanks, I don't drink--and not only do you mean it, but it doesn't hurt. You don't think to yourself, "for a while". You believe you have done it.

 

But every once in a while, you'll get the urge to drink and you'll think--I want to drink, so there must be some good reason for drinking. The thing is, you are so used to drinking being such a central part of your life, your routine, your self. Of course it's going to occur to you every once in a while to have a drink. It doesn't mean you are weak--the urge to beat yourself up just for thinking about drinking is phenomenal. It doesn't mean you should, or that because it would be fun that it's worth doing. It just means that it's pretty much impossible to forget forever something you did for so long. And that's OK.

 

Instead of thinking about alcohol as what it is--a drug legal in most parts of the world and widely consumed in the politest societies--try to think of your problem like a junkie must think of his or her problem. NATURALLY you are going to think about it. Naturally it is going to occur to you. It was a part of your life for so long. But you know it is only bad for you. You know that the first one is going to feel good. But you also know that it is going to make you sick, and probably sooner than later. You know that is the inevitable outcome. It will make you sick. You do not want to be sick. You want to be well. You are well now. You want to stay well. You can only stay well by staying away from that which makes you sick. And that is all it comes down to.

 

As for the physical effects of withdrawal, that probably depends on a whole host of different factors, but maybe we are not so different:

 

Weeks 1-3: trouble relaxing in the evenings, anxious about how to relax in order to go to bed, severe anxiety in social situations.

 

Weeks 3-5: getting to sleep fine, still a bit freaked out when around others in social situations involving alcohol. Exercise seems like a great idea (and it is).

 

Weeks 6-10: social anxiety mostly gone, things you forgot you were interested in suddenly seem like worth investing time in.

 

Weeks 10-whenever: getting stuff done you've been putting off for months/years. You start to organize your life, answer phone calls from people you'd rather not talk to, schedule meetings for the mornings, answer email correspondence within the recommended 24 hours, call your mother, clean under the couch.

 

But beware: in 2010, I had a look at my life after not having drunk a drop for eight months and thought, well what has not drinking got me? I'm not thin, rich or famous. And anyway I'm only 29. Might as well have some fun while I keep slogging away. And that put me right back where I started. Sick and tired. And while quitting alcohol will not magically fix your life, it will give you the strength and health you need to do the things you need to do.

 

This will all take time. There is probably no time in your life when you will be completely safe from the temptations of alcohol. But you can keep up your resolve to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. I grew up in a 12-step family, so while I don't actually attend meetings myself, I realize that it is a lifelong endeavor. My father has been sober longer than I have been alive and he still refers to himself as a recovering alcoholic. Keeping yourself sober and healthy is just about practice and resolve.

 

Feel free to shoot me a PM any time you want--the only thing I really regret about choosing not to go to meetings is never getting to be somebody's sponsor :lol:

[rockfisher 1,261]

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[bluedave 2,496]

Alright Schotte?

 

Just back from Mollys and feeking a little squiffy but still compus mentus.

 

Hope you find your way through but would offer one little piece of advice my friend.

As our colonial cousins would say " don't sweat the small stuff "

 

In other words do what ever you wish to do and stop panicking, i'll drink a beer to you my friend.

 

Cheers!!

[lilplatinum 7,139]

 

I was drinking more when I lived in Germany... stress and general unhappiness. Then I'd get on TT and post random, stupid shit. I probably still drink too much, because I've been feeling like I should cut back. I can't easily get through an entire bottle of wine, though, so when I read 2-3 bottles of wine, I think WOW.

 

Haha this reminds me of the Simpsons when they move and Marge is unhappy:

 

Marge: I've been so bored since we moved here, I found myself drinking a

glass of wine every day. I know doctors say you should drink a

glass and a half but I just can't drink that much.

[mlovett 8,678]

lilp: when my husband told my German doctor how much wine I drink with dinner, he said "that's too much for a woman." :rolleyes:

[Gwaptiva 7,111]

After a year in Scotland, I decided to go dry an entire month once a year, just to prove to myself I could still do it. I would still go out, or there wouldn't be a challenge. It's as tough there as it is here, especially if you are out on weekends.

 

These days my life is so dull that I think I may decide to get drunk for an entire month each year... well, maybe not.

 

After having some trouble with alcohol as a youth, and then again as a young adult just moved to a country with a pub culture, I've managed to find a nice equilibrium: I will have a few drinks (or even more than a few) when I'm in a social setting, but I will not drink when I'm alone and feeling crap. In the whole of 2011 -- while alone -- I think I drank 2 beers while watching football, and a (large) vodka on Hogmanay (and that was after the bells so technically it was 2012 already )

[Joe 464]

Alcohol abuse is really insidious it creeps up on you, and its something that collectively is always made light of.

[florida_flower 227]

Schotte, you know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say that I am SO proud of you.

[Schotte 1,402]

 

When they partied he was an unpleasant drunk, pinching waitresses, etc. And though he was good and gentle to our mother and us, he was an angry, hostile, resentful man with a two-pack-a-day cigaret habit.

 

The demon drink eh? When I say that I feel better about myself, then I think its an easy excuse to say. I dunno. I have admitted to various people since I stopped that I'm just a bad drunk. Sometimes I'm great, but it can take wee things just makes you behave badly and I could be described as all of these things at times Looking back, all my major phuck ups in the last 3 or so years have been drink related! Gah! I came across the thought last night that there is no shame in being a "bad drunk" whatsoever as long as you don't allow yourself into that situation! Hence stopped it. Doubt that will be enough to make up for the bad stuff I've done but I think I'm just flitting through one of the particularly negative/self pitying/despair moments of the day. Find it very cyclic the whole ups and downs during a day.

 

 

After a year in Scotland, I decided to go dry an entire month once a year, just to prove to myself I could still do it. I would still go out, or there wouldn't be a challenge. It's as tough there as it is here, especially if you are out on weekends.

 

Weekends? It can be a Monday morning in Glasgow in my experience!!

 

 

Alcohol abuse is really insidious it creeps up on you, and its something that collectively is always made light of.

 

How true.

 

Thanks for the timeline Dessa.

 

Thanks also FF for nice words

[Schotte 1,402]

Oh and 4 weeks ago tonight (well, technically wee hours of Sunday morning...) since I had my last drink! Haven't had one craving throughout!

[Schotte 1,402]

"Despite the fact that it’s legal it is important to be aware that alcohol is a drug and its use must be controlled. If you or anyone you know or love seems to be suffering from alcohol dependence, please have them seek help immediately. There are online alcohol class options to take voluntary and involuntary courses on alcohol rehabilitation."

 

From:

 

http://www.healthybodyandbrain.com/health-benefits-giving-alcohol/

 

I have been guilty of mocking the "alcohol is a drug" line and recall having a meal with a friend and their parents in Germany in fact where the father said "of course, the biggest drug of all is alcohol". He was being serious but I remember inside my head scoffing this notion and had to refrain from rolling my eyes.

 

Leads me onto a conversation I had with someone with a lot of experience dealing with problem drinkers and she said about having spent 10years or so working with heroin addicts but in the time she had been working with alcoholic problems the level of devastation she had witnessed in every regard of their life was FAR worse than anything she had seen with heroin.

 

Pretty sure I will never mock the "alcohol is a drug" line again!

 

Edit:

 

Also copied and pasted this from a word document I found and downloaded but lost the link for:

 

• SOME HEALTH FACTS LINKED TO ALCOHOL USE IN SCOTLAND

 

o Alcohol kills six people in Scotland every day.

o You are twice as likely to die of an alcohol-related health problem in Scotland as in the rest of the UK.

o The number of people diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease has increased by 52% since 1998.

o Emergency departments in Scotland deal with over 70 alcohol-related assaults every day.

o Alcohol-related problems are estimated to cost Scotland over £1 billion every year.

o 1 in 2 women and 2 in 3 men exceed the recommended daily limits of alcohol consumption.

[rockfisher 1,261]

 

Oh and 4 weeks ago tonight (well, technically wee hours of Sunday morning...) since I had my last drink!

 

Congratulations! Why not go out for a few drinks to celebrate...

[Pas 8,130]

 

o Alcohol-related problems are estimated to cost Scotland over £1 billion every year.

 

The net worth of Alcohol to Scotland will likely be way in excess of that though? What is the Whiskey industry worth?

 

Good and bad comes from Alcohol. My Scottish Ex had an alcoholic father and it destroyed the family. Used right it's fun. The problem is knowing when to stop and when to bale out completely. The social pressures to drink are immense.

 

Drinks never going away but I do think more awareness and less peer pressure is achievable and would benefit all.

[Lavender Rain 7,725]

 

"Despite the fact that it’s legal it is important to be aware that alcohol is a drug and its use must be controlled. If you or anyone you know or love seems to be suffering from alcohol dependence, please have them seek help immediately. There are online alcohol class options to take voluntary and involuntary courses on alcohol rehabilitation."

 

Schotte, just as you know for yourself, people who are dependent on alcohol or any other substance first must make up their own mind for themselves they need treatment in order to to be receptive and follow through with getting help. Nobody can make another adult do what they don't want to do and that includes getting treatment for alcohol dependency.

 

Families can do interventions and cajole, but it's up to the person to want help in order for them to get help.

 

I'd like to add a condition to your list that I've witnessed alcohol dementia..

 

You mention alcohol is a drug, some say alcohol, despite all the pleasure it provides is actually a poison in large quantities it can kill you.

 

Esophageal cancer and other cancers are associated with alcohol abuse. http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa21.htm

 

 

Considerable evidence suggests a connection between heavy alcohol consumption and increased risk for cancer, with an estimated 2 to 4 percent of all cancer cases thought to be caused either directly or indirectly by alcohol.

 

A strong association exists between alcohol use and cancers of the esophagus, pharynx, and mouth, whereas a more controversial association links alcohol with liver, breast, and colorectal cancers. Together, these cancers kill more than 125,000 people annually in the United States .

[moctoj2 541]

 

Instead of thinking about alcohol as what it is--a drug legal in most parts of the world and widely consumed in the politest societies--try to think of your problem like a junkie must think of his or her problem. NATURALLY you are going to think about it. Naturally it is going to occur to you. It was a part of your life for so long. But you know it is only bad for you. You know that the first one is going to feel good. But you also know that it is going to make you sick, and probably sooner than later. You know that is the inevitable outcome. It will make you sick. You do not want to be sick. You want to be well. You are well now. You want to stay well. You can only stay well by staying away from that which makes you sick. And that is all it comes down to.

 

Very Important Paragraph there Dessa - well done.

When I decided I wanted to quit smoking, I read Alan Carr's book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking". He suggested that the smoker reading the book think of themselves as a heroine addict. Did I want to be a heroine addict? Well NO, absolutely not but the comparison gave me pause. He suggested that nicotine is exactly like heroine and #1 you don't give heroine to an addict (so don't use nicotine patches or gum to quit); quit cold turkey. Every time you have a drink (or smoke), you wake up the monster in your brain and the monster is the one that convinces you to have another and another. Don't feed the Monster!

 

I quit smoking 2 yrs ago. Very happy to have that part of my life in the past. It was easier than I thought it would be once I remembered (at every craving) that I was a nicotine addict. I just wish that my baby brother and sister could quit drinking. Those DTs that Lavender Rain has linked in this thread would be exactly what those two would go through after heaving drinking for 30+ yrs now. Scary.

 

Good Job going a month without drinking. Awesome.

[nina_glyndwr 4,679]

At university, before we went on our year abroad, dear Dr Lawrence Foulger (my favourite lecturer) told some of us that if we wanted to get out of not drinking alcohol, all we had to say was that "der Arzt hat es mir verboten". Invoke the doctor and you'll get heaps of sympathy and no-one will press you to drink. You know what Germans are like ... doctors are gods who can do no wrong. (Hah! is what I say to that.)

[poppet 4,004]

 

Congratulations! Why not go out for a few drinks to celebrate...

 

That is not even remotely amusing, and I believe I enjoy a joke as much as anyone. I truly hope neither you nor any of your family and friends are ever affected by this illness.

[Schotte 1,402]

I actually laughed in the same way you laugh at a joke for being just so unthinkably bad.

 

"LOL" as the kids are saying these days

 

Going to gym every day at the moment with there being nothing else to do around but work even just if its a wee session - did 20km on the bike there. I knew people were right when they said exercise makes you feel so much better I shouldn't have moped as much as I did during Christmas/New Year and just got on with it! Wondering if there is a "eureka" moment you feel "clean" all of a sudden, certainly getting up in the mornings far easier than I have done for a long long long time.

 

Anxious moments are certainly reduced as well.

 

Happy days.

 

Honestly, I really thank everyone again who has taken the time to post here. I didn't really mean it as a "look at me I've quit alcohol give me a pat on the back" thread was keen for other stories to compare to my own journey in this process...but not gonna lie, it's lovely when people say a well done or something and appreciate some trivial things to others are quite a challenge for some people.

 

Thank you all.