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Aquarius Girl, 25 Aug 2011
Posted 27 Aug 2011
"You want me to do what with it? Honey, not in front of the cat!"
"Jesus Christ woman, how much weight have you gained? You're slipping out of my clutches and WTF is that tiger doing hanging around?"
When I said lick my pussy this isn't what I had in mind.
Leopard Costumed Kid Fondles Erotic-themed Statue at Pond's Edge--News at Eleven.
"Dude, I think I cracked a nail on that last tire change."
Man on Left: "Man, oh man ... how dirty are these nails? I knew I should have had a manicure before I started this job."
Man on Right: "Fuck the nails, man. Did you know that I have 1,034 freckles on this arm?"
Posted 28 Aug 2011
You know what. Having our shipment of iPhone 5's stolen clearly sucks but can we hold off calling the police until I've finished Angry Birds 2?
Man on left: "Last night, I left so fast I didn't even finish my beer."
Man on right: "Did you at least tell him that you loved him?"
"Way over yonder is a place that I know
Where I can find shelter from huger and cold.
And the sweet tasting good life is easily found;
Way over yonder - that's where I'm bound..."
Is that her? Nah, couldn't be. Is she really on that effing bike riding around with her girlfriends, with the breeze in her hair, the sun stroking her face, laughing like she hasn't got a care in the world?
Well, I tell you what! If that bloody housework isn't done; the groceries bought; the dog taken to the vet; that stupid power tool that I broke (because I didn't know how to use it) not exchanged at Bauhaus; the laundry done; my shoes polished; the lawns mowed; the weeds pulled out; the car registration renewed; a slab of beer in the fridge AND my roast dinner on the table, by the time I walk in the door, there'll be trouble. AND I'll be confiscating that bike.
It's a good thing that they're over there and I'm over here because that one bloody reeks.
Man "Ethel, that reminds me I need to speak to the Doctor about having my sex drive lowered."
Ethel "Too right, at your age it's all in your bloody mind".
"Oh Carl, I’m sooooo happy we’re spending such quality time together. It’s wonderful to feel so close to you today. And ooooooh, what about last night? (Eyelashes fluttering) I loved hearing you recite passages from the Bible and talking about those apostles. (Blushes slightly) AND of course, you know how horny that makes me.
"Oh Betty, you were insatiable last night! I hope I didn’t put your hip out! (He he he) And sorry that I made such a mess on that bible. I hope the big bloke upstairs wasn’t watching us. Chuckle, chuckle
"Carl, that’s why I request that your little fella always wears a raincoat. It keeps things nice and neat. Which reminds me, best get some now at this stand and ooooh looky over there! We can pick up a new bible too!"
"I love you Betty"
"I love you Carl"
In the beginning there was the Word: wow!
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