School bullying question

172 posts in this topic

Where were you when I was 8, Sensei? I so wish I had known back then why the heck I tremble when I am faced with the fight or flee decision.

 

My instinct is usually to flee, mostly because I ended up suffering more for choosing the fight option. I remember clearly how at one point our school soccer team was practising and one of my regular bullies was trying to get the teacher/trainer to stop me from playing for one reason or another. In that instance I took a run-up of about 20 meters and kneed him full in the nuts. Suffice to say, I never played on that soccer team again... didn't really seem to stop the bullying either (but it still feels good 30+ years later).

 

The only issue with choosing flight is that I now use it in every situation where I'm stressed, and a lot of times I never return... and that's not good.

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With your everyday life decisions, you can still use stress-induced fight/flee adrenalin to your advantage. You obviously don't need to leap up and punch your boss in the face mid-presentation, but the same point about using the adrenalin to take action still applies.

 

Also, bullies might not go away after you stand up to them once. They might need repeated lessons teaching, they are stupid after all!

 

Love the long jump / knee to the happy sack image. It's funny how standing up to them still makes you feel good years later :)

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I teach in European school and have my own 3 boys in school, one who is a little special, quite, shy, writing problems and ripe for the bully. I would suggest you get a teacher to talk directly to the bully...but a teacher who can somewhat touch him emotionally, there is nearly always one teacher who will have close contact with him and get him to talk direct and in his own personal manner ask him to lay off. You may need to ash the class teacher who may be close to him;

Again only a suggestion, I would assume it is in the 11-14 age group as it is here it is more common. At 11 a good stiff talk from teacher often works but older the approach I mentioned may work;

Best of luck in a difficult situation and school normally shoul have a policy towards it, normally 'no tolerence' but here in seems 'none'

Best wishes

Noel

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Jesus wept, ninja turtle fan, but you are so full of shit. I guess I will get negs for this, seeing as how your ability with the written word seems to be respected as much, if not more, than anything you say. My problem with you is that you have, quite obviously, no idea what you are talking about when it comes to violence. Sorry, but that´s the internet, and,more particularly, TT. You are going to find people here that are very good at what they do and “talk the talk and walk the walk”, so to speak. About a variety of different subjects.Violence is a subject I can talk about with authority. Been there, done that.Am still doing that. A big fine and community service for cutting the end ofsomeone´s finger off at the end of last year (don´t believe me? Ask Schiesserfor a reality-level opinion of what people can get away with)

 

I make no apologies for who I am. I have said the same thing, repeatedly, on here. People like you shit me, not because (for a person who knows better) of the advice you give, but because there is no foundation ofexperience behind it. You sound like another whack-job want-to-be with delusions of grandeur. The internet is full of self-important pricks like you who, somehow, Googled their way into being an authority on something. So, from the top:

 

- Yes, a bullied child needs support. Often, thatsupport cannot be given by the parents. For a variety of reasons.

 

- You are, as an adult, going to stand up to a bunch of kids, humiliate them, or hit them. Who the fuck is the bully?

 

- Most everyone was a “skinny wretch” in HighSchool. That´s what made it fun and frightening at the same time.

 

- You did “years” of martial arts? You are 33. You ain´t done years of anything. How do I know? I am about to be 38 and I still don´t know shit.

 

- And with all this “martial arts” crap – Give mea kung-fu-fighter to go up against any day of the week. Again, want to know why? It´s because you twits still think there is some kind of honour involved in beating a man senseless.

 

- Adrenaline? What the fuck do you know about adrenaline? Get stabbed. Have a gun put to your head. Then talk to me about adrenaline and “fight or flight”. Google muthafucker.

 

- Be decisive? Freeze up? Get hurt? - You are talking out of your arse. I doubt if any of those 3 things has ever happened to you. But feel free, to like,spread the wisdom, splinter-dude.

 

- I agree, don´t let anyone “threaten” you. Butt they will. And they will come with friends. They are not afraid. Nor are their friends. Retaliation will come. That is the nature of violence. I have spent most of my adult life looking over my shoulder. You haven´t. That is obvious.

 

- Fuck dignity. That´s what gets people killed.Running away works. Trust me.

 

- There is always a next time. It is usually worse. That is the nature of violence.

 

- I talked myself out of getting a bullet in theback of the head, near a small (these days non-existent) town called Grimwade.A lot of people are buried in that forest. Changing to “physical” was not an option. Have you ever been so scared that you pissed yourself, shit yourselfand vomited everywhere purely out of fear? Six months later I was 19.

 

- Your description of “signs leading up to aviolent outburst” is a load of shit. Nobody I was ever involved with paid anyattention to the “quiet guy, sitting in the background, waiting for the moment that he could unleash his awesome fury”. Why? Because guys like that never did anything. Seriously. Never did anything. They were always treat politely,because they always paid their bills and.. Never. Did. Anything.

 

- Ok, your bit about choosing a “physical” course of action? This is where I become personally offended. You have no idea what you are talking about. Ask them an “irrelevant” question? Did you see that in a Bogart movie? Hit them and keep hitting them? That´s cool. What do you do if they hit you back? Straight jab or low kick? Who the fuck are you kidding withthat cartoon crap.

 

- Keep hitting them until you can retreat? No. You keep hitting them until their face and body is a bloody pulp. Then you get outof there as good as you can and hope that your lawyer will get you out of serious jail-time.

 

- All humans do have a weak point – they don´tlike to bleed. I hope, for all of your articulate bullshit, you never meet aperson who likes to bleed.

 

- And then you spend as much verbage explainingthe passive-aggressive approach as you did explaining your awesome,not-like-jason-bourne, skillz.

 

So what does this have to do with the topic?

 

Mlovett – Your son will be fine. Protect him as good as you can, but also let him learn. You went through it. I went through it. I think most people on here have been through it. It is, quite often, what defines our “world”as an adult. Shallow as that may sound. But most of us got over it, no matter how hard it was. Trust that your son is every bit as good as you were, when you were confronted by the same things.That is what gets me by. And my eldest is turning 18 shortly.

 

Gwappy – Stay angry. Don´t let anyone else tell you whatright or wrong is. Otherwise, they will. Would love to have a beer with you oneday.

 

Mods – sorry for the personal abuse in this post. Fully justified if you remove it.

 

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I know he will be OK, Andy... character building and all of that. I wanted to raise a civilized boy, but here I went and advocated the use of a knuckle sandwich. That worked for me, as a kid. Not to mention as an adult in various club brawls. Just not sure I should have done it, but it's what I know. He practiced his lines and his punches all morning... :rolleyes:

 

I'm most angry that my kid went without lunch! So for that, I WILL bring it up with the school, because Jr seemed to think he couldn't go to the cafeteria and get another helping after being robbed of his quesadilla.

 

LIAB, horrible story about getting forked! Did they switch to plastic utensils, like the airlines did after 9/11?

 

Anyway, as for running in the face of danger, this guy didn't do it, and he just got the Medal of Honor by Obama. Watch the video. Obama had to call back later because the guy was busy at his construction job. :D

 

Defying orders and storming in to save comrades.

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Spit it all out, Farmerandy. All your hate, your self-hate.

 

There is room then for positive things. You will feel better once it's out, though there are tons remaining.

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LIAB, horrible story about getting forked! Did they switch to plastic utensils, like the airlines did after 9/11?

 

lol, no. He was a big guy and his name was Dan. I was 12 years old and was somewhat short back then, so imagine a big guy harassing a little girl. I always wanted to kick him in the balls but was too shy.

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farmerandy Icon

In: Schleswig-Holstein

Joined: 28.Feb.2010

Posts: 318

 

Sent Today, 9:27 pm

fuck you.

 

you want a piece of me, let me know.

 

I don't ever even want to be in the same city as you, farmboy. I've seen enough.

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I experienced a number of bullying situations when my son was still in Kinderkrippe (we are talking 0-3 yr. olds!) My son is a bit of a protector and one bully, who was getting at the little kids really got my son's goat. He stood up to him but as he was younger and smaller, obviously got a few beatings. (By the way - I knew nothing about it at that time)

 

When my son started to get nightmares and came to my bed in the night regularly, I tried to find out the problem. As he was tired and more vulnerable in the night and with the right questions asked - he told me the problem.

 

Sure, we want to bring up our kids in a non-violent way and the agressive kid was also just getting the "Go and apologise to xyz..." and no consequences were taken.

 

At this point, I changed my opinion about non-violence. I told my son that he should never hit first. However, if he was constantly being picked on - he had my permission to retaliate. That retaliation though, should sit - once and for all. He hugged me and no more nightmares.

 

This has stuck with school and he is not bullied. He manages to find friends who are older and a bit stronger in higher grades and they looked after him in the 1st grade.

 

Horrible to hear these things and I hope you manage to get it sorted. It is obviously very differnt with a child who is a bit shyer and unfortunately I don't have any experience of that.

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I know he will be OK, Andy... character building and all of that.

 

OK, as an update, the teacher came down hard on this kid. He had to stay after school, write umpteen times that he will not steal lunches, his parents were called, he wrote an apology letter to Jr with some cash inside. Before that, the kid tried to give me the 'heheh, I'd do it again' look, to which I countered with an 'I'd slap you upside your ugly little mug without batting an eye' look. Now he cowers when I come in the classroom. :lol:

 

Today I was roped into being one of the 'moral compass' teachers at the school. This means that I get to teach them about bullies, drunks, drugs, the evils of smoking, and other horrendous things. Lord help me! The good news is that I will be officially trained. B)

 

You'd think kids could learn this stuff at home... but that is why they spend 7 hours a day at school in the States. Because apparently they don't.

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Don´t tell them about Toytown, mlovett...just imagine the training and the lines you´d have to write 100 times.... :D

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I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function.

I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function.

I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function.

I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function.

I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function.

I will not call a newbie an idiot and tell them to use the search function... ;)

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6 lines!!! Liberal California, mlovett!!! :) In Tory England I had to write 100 times I wouldn´t eat Geoff´s sandwich ( which his mum had lashed with cheap margarine and tasteless cheese! ). NO olives in those days!!!

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Well I certainly hope it taught you not to rob food! We won't discuss the penguin egg stealing incident. ;)

 

BTW, I'm also the music/ art teacher, on the science board, head of the school garden, and room rep. Maybe I should have left him in private school. :blink:

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mlovett; you are a young lady ( which is why I was attracted to you under that bridge many years ago in Spain ). Now, speaking as an older spokesman..shall we say, a somewhat pedantic member of society ( well, ok, penguin eggs aside )..erm, people don´t ROB food...they steal or borrow food. You ( in the German " Man " sense ) ROB banks ( well, actually, they rob us..). No grammar these days...ONE HUNDRED LINES!!! :D

 

I shall not eat penguin eggs

I shall not eat penguin eggs

 

Plus 98.

 

You can´t get the staff...

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Grammar? I'm pretty sure the school won't ask me to teach that. :D

 

rob, roger, ... so many different meanings, depending on your passport!

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