Your unfortunate mishaps

23 posts in this topic

A good few years ago i did something pretty stupid where i had to laugh later at my own stupitidy,I was helping my workmate reversing into a tight parking space in our delivery van and showing him how much room was left at the rear bumper,30 cm,20 cm,15cm keep it coming...OUCH shit f**k... my knee was stuck between the two bumpers! it didn't half hurt and it made me feel just a little bit stupid at the time,so come and confess your own stupity,or am i the only one???

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I do so many stupid things that it's hard to pick one.

 

The latest, I guess is using hairspray, and thinking it was deo spray - they "live" right next to each other in the cupboard, and at 5am I am not always 100% fit...

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my knee was stuck between the two bumpers!

That's pretty good...

 

One cold winter night I nonchalantly tossed just a little bit of dirty turpentine into a fully blazing coal burning oven, and the flames exploded into my face, burning my eyebrows and singeing all the hair on my arms. I'll never forget the sound WOOOOOF! and the alarming sensation of heat on my eyeballs.. for the next 30 minutes I was walking around in circles screaming, "You idiot!!!" :lol:

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I was often in the ER as a kid for stupid stunts. Always trying to one-up my brothers... Well, diving into the shallow end of a pool and ending up with a massive concussion was about the most memorable. I'm getting a headache just thinking about it!

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Can't even begin to count. Latest? Facing a fast bowler in 7°C cold with no pads or groin guard...slippery surface. A nice juicy half-volley swung very late into my legs :unsure:

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That's pretty good...

 

One cold winter night I nonchalantly tossed just a little bit of dirty turpentine into a fully blazing coal burning oven, and the flames exploded into my face, burning my eyebrows and singeing all the hair on my arms. I'll never forget the sound WOOOOOF! and the alarming sensation of heat on my eyeballs.. for the next 30 minutes I was walking around in circles screaming, "You idiot!!!"

 

:lol:

 

Better than sitting in front of a candle and not knowing until...

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When I was ten I attempted to swim out to the raft about 100 feet off the beach. Just after the point of no return I realized I was really in trouble. Gasping and flailing I made it, but in more than one alternate universe I drowned.

Happily, while I was recovering on the raft I remembered that I could backstroke pretty well, and that's how I got back to dry land.

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Climbed a tree when I was young and was then too scared to climb down. Decided to jump instead. (like I said, I was young, so the thinking logical part of my brain hadn't clicked in yet) Probably would have been ok, except there was a metal clothesline stretched under the tree and I caught it with neck coming down. I think I was quite fortunate to have emerged from this incident with my head still attatched.

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When I was little I was hanging out with a friend who was scared of dogs. One of our neighbours used to let her dog just roam around the sreet on it's own, kinda like you do with cats. One day the dog trotted past me and my friend minding its own business and, deciding to show off, I suggested to my friend that I chase it away. So I started running after this dog and then halfway up the street it suddenly turned around, bared its teeth and started chasing me all the way back down back down the street. I just about made it back to my house unharmed before it gave up and wandered off but I didnt stop shaking for a long time. I definitely felt pretty stupid after that..

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I was riding my bike and got the bright idea to stick my arm in a bush. Well, it got caught and me and my bike did a flip which resulted in some bad scrapes and fractured right arm. Not the best idea but I got to be the cool kid in class that had everyone begging to sign it.

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Offered my flatmate's space-cookies to my grandma in perfect naivity and wondered why I found her bearable for once.

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I'm mostly pretty sensible, but I had a bad moment once while hitchhiking around Ireland. Had tucked my wallet with ALL my money & ID under the passenger seat of the rental car of a French guy who'd given me a lift (without mentioning it to him). That evening, after checking into a B&B, I realized my mistake. I duly informed my hosts that I would be unable to pay (they just nodded grimly), and then popped down to the pub to spend my last pound (found in my pocket) on a pint. (The plan was to hitch back to Dublin and turn myself in at the Embassy: that was the best I could come up with, at 19.)

 

A few hours later, the French guy (who was supposed to be miles away along the coast of Connemara by that time) walked into the pub, completely by coincidence, as it turns out. I've often wondered how things would have turned out if I hadn't had the good sense to spend my last buck on a beer. Or was it just the luck of the Irish, extending down to a member of the Irish diaspora: it was a nice touch that my last name is the same as the pub's.

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When I was about 11, I was with the boys in a field on our bikes and there was this ramp so I thought I'd be the first to see how far I'd fly off it ... on a pedal bike. No motor bike. Well, you can imagine how I just fell off the ramp - about a full two metres.

 

Or the time that I was on my bike, coming back from the paper shop with the latest copy of the Tarzan magazine, and I was reading the comic, holding it in both hands, cycling away, going round a curve... right into the back of someone's parked car. I did the right thing and rang the doorbell of the house but the owner couldn't find any damage. But I still felt a right idiot.

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Oh my, I could write a book just on the unfortunate mishaps that have happened to me.

 

1. I was 14 yrs old and skiing with two cousins and one of my brothers. It was the last run of the night befor the slopes closed for the night so the 4 of us decided to make it worth it and go on a black diamond. The three of them were ahead of me and going fairly fast. I was trying to catch up with them from fear of being left alone on the slopes. In the midst of trying to catch up, I hit a patch of ice with my ski's, lost control, and blacked out. When I finally came too (which was maybe just a few minutes later), I start screaming just to find out that what made me black out was the fact that I skiied into a light pole, dislocated my shoulder, and had a minor concussion. Almost 11 years later, I still haven't been skiing.

 

2. My dad was a State Representative (politician) for about 6 years and I got the chance to go to the state capital quite a few times to see him work. One time I went there (just a few days before my 21st BDay) and wore a new pair of heels (not a good idea with the amount of walking I did on this particular trip), and of course got a blister. I was stupid and didn't take care of the blister properly and ended up getting blood poisioning from the blister. A friend of mine ended up taking me to the hospital and the doc told me that if I had waited even one more day to go to the doc, then they would have had to amputate my foot. Yea, I almost didn't make it to 21 with 2 feet.

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I was about 6 or 7. It was winter. It had snowed...a lot...followed by ice...end result - tons of snow with an ice crust that little kids could not break through. So, my sisters and I went to the "big hill" across the street with our sleds (the red plastic tobaggan sleds = fast).

"Who wants to go first?" "me! me! me!"(dumb ass, me). I push off, pick up major speed, realize I won't stop at the bottom, and frantically(futilely) try to stop myself. Wool mittens fly off, wool hat flies off, I fly off (the sled) and slide (on my ass) directly into the stream at the bottom of the hill...did I mention that it was winter and the water was REALLY cold?

 

My father saw the whole thing and ran to get me out.

My sisters just laughed and laughed and they still laugh when they tell the story. I still feel stupid to this day.

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This is a little story on being a complete idiot; and then learning the lessons of patience and courage; and about humanity (the hard way).

 

During my early 40’s, I went on a 10 day holiday to Rarotonga (the main island of the Cook Islands). It was meant to be a relaxing holiday of snorkelling and swimming. The only modes of transport around the small island are a public bus which runs every hour (but is never on time) or car & scooter hire.

 

On Day 3 of the holiday, I had bravely decided to hire a scooter. By no means, was I an experienced rider (having only used one (a 35cc) once in Thailand years ago); nor did I have an Australian bike licence. Nevertheless, I was given a 250cc (it was all they had) and I really “thought” I was “smart” enough to manage using it.

 

Fortunately, I had taken it for a test run in the back streets of town, before attempting my way around the narrow winding island roads back to the hostel. Within one hour, I had lost control of the bike (hit the ignition NOT the brake) and rather than let go, hung on for dear mercy and crashed into a fence and tree (with some speed). A protruding branch had pierced and sliced open my right leg; there was a 20cm gash and I saw everything within my leg beginning to ooze out. I almost passed out. I was rushed and admitted into hospital, which was barely more than a tin shed. I had severed my muscle and tendon as well :( I soon discovered what my pain threshold was capable of. The only pain killers they had was “aspirin”. I was used to taking stronger stuff for period pain.

 

Anyway, I was stitched up (on the inside & the outside), two days later by a wonderful Japanese surgeon (who just happened to be there) and spent the next four days in hospital, learning to walk again. The nurses were very empathetic and so very caring. They put flowers in my hair, so that I could feel a little beautiful every day, during my stay. I was released from hospital, the day BEFORE my flight back home. Needless to say, I didn’t get a chance to snorkel those beautiful blue waters :(

 

And the legacies of that little adventure: I have a 20cm scar and the onset of arthritis; to remind me of my stupidity. I had a very expensive medical bill (which wasn’t covered by Travel Insurance) and to top it off, my partner of six years, dumped me upon my return (because he couldn’t be bothered hanging out with a cripple) – ARSEHOLE.

 

BUT ... I did survive and I can walk. And I will never forget the warmth and attentive care I was given by the staff at that little hospital. Some people in this life, are just so beautiful and unforgettable. :)

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Not me this time but my mate,we were in the delivery van where we had tools to install washing machines one of which was a hammer,suddenly a fly appeared on the windscreen my mate grabbed the hammer while i was driving and was following the fly with the hammer and i thought to myself no he's not that stupid surely?Yes he was, he went for the fly with the hammer,missed and lo and behold smashed the windscreen,he then looked at me with hammer still in hand and said that wasn,t a very good idea was it?still cannot work out why he thought it wasn,t a good idea! :D

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Group of 4 kids up on the hills with a sledge (metals runners on a wooden base) one nice snowy winter. There was a place where the downhill path we were sledging down, crossed a relative flat area before continuing down again. We took turns with the sledge and then found we could squeeze more of us on it until we did a couple of runs with all four of us squeezed tight together, and we got pretty fast speeds up. Then one of us discovered an old sheet of plywood, so we decided to make a ramp at the flat area, piling up the snow, placing the plywood on top. This might have been OK, except for the fist run, we decided all four of us should make it together. So we squeezed together on the sledge, started down the hill, faster and faster, hit the ramp and then we were airborne - much, much higher and faster than we had expected so we cleared the flat area and found ourselves high above the next slope... and down we came - KERSPLANG!!! that was the sound of both runners giving up the ghost and bending flat under the combined weight of four boys dropping down from a metre and a half height... AARRRGGHHH!!! that was the sound of four backsides making contact with the ground through an unforgivingly solid plank of wood after dropping from a metre and a half height... OOOOHHHAAAHHHH... that was the sound of four bruised coccyges and eight bruised buttocks tenderly making their way home dragging a thoroughly pancaked sledge having learnt a valuable lesson about momentum, gravity and the frailty of human flesh - until the next time it snowed, of course!

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My favorite ones are when I'm looking for something... "Where the crap did I put the ____?" Most of the time it is my keys or phone...

 

Look on couch. Look in bathroom. Look under bed...

 

"Honey, have you seen my ____?"

 

"It's in your hand."

 

Doh. :huh:

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A fair bit less embarrassing than some because there were no witnesses, but last night just as I was finally drifting off to sleep I heard a mosquito buzz and smacked myself in the head so hard that my ear went numb. Talk about unreasonable force.

 

Got the mosquito at least.

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