Do you have any German friends?

[ferkel 55]

Hodd, I hope you don't mind the questions but I am just wanting to set your experience here in a wider context.

 

How many friends do you have in total then?

Of them how many have you met since you finished school/uni/college?

You mention five friends from your time in the UK - is this where you come from?

 

I am trying to gage the number of new people would you have expected to have met who you would now call friends if you had of spent the last 5 years in your own country.

 

I have a different idea about friendship than you - for me it is more of a multidimensional spectrum so I guess that my answers wouldn't really fit your description.

[Philsta 149]

I've only been here for 6 months and have managed to make a couple of German friends.

 

Some I met on the internet, some through language exchange and a couple just by talking to people in bars etc.

 

I always find all the stuff people say about Germans because none of the ones I have come across even come close to fitting the stereotype. They are as friendly and outgoing as anybody I met back home in Australia and I have had a much easier time meeting people and making friends here than I did back home. I do get the impression that it would be much harder though if you don’t speak any German.

[Tann 17]

Just watch out how much you tell them about yourself, they love using what you confided in them against you when you get into fights/urguements.

[Orla_inka 4,637]

I do find a/the discussion on friendship interesting and started to enjoy reading the posts. My enjoyment waned as the people posting were being dissed, because they were not fitting into the definition of friendship the OP was pertaining to.

 

 

Hodd, on the 9th Jan you posted this:

 

The problem is I go to Asia (and before Africa) a lot and previously after people asked where I was from, I replied “England” and then got the usual monologue about Beckham, Gordon Brown or Afghanistan.

 

What I started doing was claiming I’m German.

 

I cannot fathom that, meeting strangers, anyone would want to pretend to be someone they are not. For me, the reasoning behind the lie is laughable. Also, what do you do when they find out that you lied about something ridiculous as your nationality? I mean, do you not feel stupid?

 

Yet, less than 24 hours later, you post this:

 

I asked a youngish German female friend of his what she did for a living. She replied, “I used to be a teacher.” And that was that. Conversation finished. How can you bring a conversation round after that?

 

 

Seriously. The mind boggles.

[DoggyJ 38]

Just watch out how much you tell them about yourself, they love using what you confided in them against you when you get into fights/urguements.

 

 

I like your comment. I had known one German person while we all had lived in Africa, he was a family member of the former Western Germany lets say governor nothing in particular. And he was a nice friend as I had been a child. And further on I had met a German person who was supposed to be a friend as its really sounded like, however, a person had committed a crime, appeared to be a fake friend. He was passed to a police in both countries in Asia and in Germany, you know what I got scared like he can stand against me, and guess what that this first friend from Africa had helped a little. By saying that any German company does not need a thief and also causing others to suffer because of it whatever he represented. But, my American friends who are in Military told me that Germans are good friends they helped a lot with the housing and etc... Must go to sleep now its getting late here in Asia, feeling kind of scared of Germans now just a little bit like your own beloved one appeared to be a thief.

[hodd 63]

Fascinating, Orla. There are probably rules about copying and pasting from other threads.

[Guest]

 

Must go to sleep now its getting late here in Asia, feeling kind of scared of Germans now just a little bit like your own beloved one appeared to be a thief.

 

you sure you weren't already asleep when you posted that shite?

[Alcala 551]

yes there could be...are there rules for talking and posting rubbish?

[ukpunk1 377]

Not really friends, but acquaintances. I don't hang out like I used to. All I want is my peace and quiet.

[Guest]

I have 4 friends (2 couples) here in Germany who I would consider good friends. I got to know both of them (the 2 guys) over the internet (ICQ chat) about 10 years ago. With one guy I have been in contact continuously since we started chatting in 2001/2002. I consider him to be one of my best friends. I met his girlfriend when I moved to Germany and we have become very good friends as well. He calls me atleast once a week, for no particular reason. He always invites me when they go out to the movies, museums, trips etc. He has offered to help me financially recently when I didn't have enough money to buy a new pair of eye glasses ( I lost mine recently). I was invited to spend New Years Eve with the girlfriends' parents, which I did. He is one of those friends I could tell everything, without being judged. We got quite close just over the internet/phone, but have gotten much closer since I moved to Munich.

 

The other guy I lost touch after 2-3 years, but at the time I also started chatting with his then girlfriend (now wife), but lost touch with her as well. Fast forward 10 years. The girlfriend finds me on facebook. This was right around the time I was thinking of moving to Germany. She is in the same field as I am (healthcare). She said I should come over for sure and I could stay with them in the beginning. They provided the required paperwork for my working holiday visa (sort of a "we are responsible for aries6 while he is in Germany") They also sent their passport/Ausweis. These are people I have never even met. So I arrive in Munich and meet them for the first time ever at the airport. I stayed with them for 5 weeks. They helped me a lot the first few weeks with everything possible. Getting registered, activating cell phones, preparing job applications, help with finding accommodation etc etc etc. I even got my current job through her. We now work at the same hospital. I am the one they call when they need someone to babysit their daughter. I consider them my friends, although I don't get to see them as much as the other couple. This is couple is married with a kid and another one on the way.

 

I am very glad to have these friends. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have anyone to help when I needed it, which is quite often. This is one of the reasons I don't want to leave Munich. It would be very hard (almost impossible) to find friends like the ones above.

 

I am kind of friends with one of my coworkers. He is about my age. He is originally from Kazakstan, but has been living in Germany for the last 13 years. He invited me to go skiing last Thursday (public holiday) with his wife and kids. But they cancelled due to bad weather. I can see becoming friends with him, but it would take some time.

[janjan 742]

I'm not a very sociable person, but once I have friends I hang on to them and I keep in touch with two women from my schooldays and three from uni. My husband is a sociable soul and we spend quite a bit of time hanging out with the neighbours and can discuss most topics with them. (in German)

 

I've got two German women friends who I meet regularly and who I can tell everything -embarassing diseases, strange fears etc. I would make a real effort to help them when needed, and they have helped me a lot in the past. With both of them, I had to get through the stage when they really pissed me off with the German habit of giving me unsolicited advice, or just being so know-it-all. I can still remember the receptionist at the gym giving me weird looks when I shouted at my friend over, of all things, whether Latin should be taught in German schools.

 

I think what makes a friend for me is shared experience, the sense that we've been through that together. And also shared interests. The one I shouted at the gym said to me today that there were few of her friends who would react positively to an invitation to a lecture about zero growth.

[cinzia 2,643]

 

Fascinating, Orla. There are probably rules about copying and pasting from other threads.

 

 

No, there are not. Your record is your record.

 

As a matter of fact, there ARE rules against posting with multiple member names, because we like people here to represent who they really are on TT, not who they like to pretend they are.

[quasipseudopizzaoid 616]

Wherever you go, there you are.

 

I've observed that in general, people who are unhappy and have difficulty making friends abroad have the same difficulty in their own country. Not always the case, but seems more often than not. Hmm.. what could be the common denominator? Anyway even if you are not a natural-born socialite, you ought to be able to make friends if you really make an effort. Yes, even with Germans.

 

@Hodd Did you ever stop to think that maybe this youngish German female teacher of yours was simply shy? Maybe she just needed you to push a little more. You'd be surprised how many people appear to be unfriendly when really they are just a bit timid and take time to open up. As you said, "We'll never know" because you didn't ask.

 

I have German friends, granted we became close through university and the shared "stranger in a strange land" experience. And it does get harder to make close friends as you get older, but that's because your tastes become more refined. There was a great Seinfeld episode on that very subject.

 

Anyway in one week I move to Munich. Anyone want to be my friend? B)

[Tann 17]

 

Just watch out how much you tell them about yourself, they love using what you confided in them against you when you get into fights/urguements.

 

 

most of my friends are german and i love them and i love the fact that if they love one, they do it with a passion and are ready to protect you like their own cub. But they do have their flaws too, don´t we all.

 

just a small example: sometimes when fighting with some of my gfs, over petty stuff - shopping/house chores/lipgloss whatever, they would go like - fat arse! gets me so off my feet am shocked and speechless - meaning they win the fight (coz my mind is racing trying to figure out what does "fat arse" got to do with this fight). hours later i figure out they said it coz i told them a few weeks ago i think i´ve added a kilo!

 

don´t get me wrong, i love them but i´ve seen this kind of behavior only with my german friends and never with my non-german friends.

 

 

 

hence....i keep telling myself...(tho easier said than done) - the above Quote

[hodd 63]

 

As a matter of fact, there ARE rules against posting with multiple member names, because we like people here to represent who they really are on TT, not who they like to pretend they are.

 

 

I'm very glad to hear it. That's why the administrators can see our IP addresses and hopefully stop such behaviour.

[Orla_inka 4,637]

 

 

Anyway in one week I move to Munich. Anyone want to be my friend?

 

 

 

Unfortunately I am not in Munich.

[Eric7 538]

Now into my 18th year here & I have acquaintances but no proper German friends.

 

I attribute this to:

 

• Working way too much combined with family commitments leaves no time for meeting new people

• Socializing too much with English speakers in the beginning of my time here

• My inability to engage in "small talk" in German

• Very little to talk about with most of the Germans I come into contact with except work, kids schooling etc

 

The closest I seem to come to it is with the ones who speak fluent English. However their overall attitude seems less "German" so I wouldn't count them as German friends at all.

[Beuel 4,947]

Maybe it is just me but I simply would have asked the teacher in question if I unknowingly offendet her. That would have given me the chance to apologize if I did and her to explain that I did not, wich is much more likely. People are much more open if you make yourself vulnarable, most people do the same in return. Instead of asking "application" questions it could have been a discussion about different cultural aspects of social interaction.

 

I don't want to assume anything, but there is a difference between "making friends" because you are in need of entertainment and making friends because you are genuinely interested in a person.

[featherlight 1,368]

None.

 

After 16 years in Munich I counted not a single German as a friend.

 

Left Germany a year ago with no regrets.

[marie-claire 2,090]

This thread is very interesting. I never had many German friends, even though I am German and I spent the first 22 years of my life here. My closest and best childhood friends were from Portugal and Italy. They came from large families and I always felt like one of them when I went to their house for a visit, even if I didn't understand the language they spoke at home.

 

Later in high school my two best friends were Polish and Croatian. My current best friend, who is also my husband, is Australian. However, when I moved to Australia with him I missed having my friends around and I felt very lonely.

 

I had some kind of mental barrier, preventing me from making new friends because I thought they couldn't take the place of the old friends I missed. Maybe that is something many expats experience, more or less, when they miss their friends at home.