Death in neighbour's family

[Namu 706]

On 26.12.2019, 18:01:22, Metall said:

When a German relative died, the close family got a few cards from other Germans, but not a single one with money in it (I handled the cards and would have noticed). It would actually have helped.
I've never heard of a German custom of giving money for a funeral!

 

I think it's custom to give money in some parts of Germany. When my parents died we received money from relatives in the South and from people from Muenster but nothing from people that came from the Cologne area.

[Feierabend 1,083]

People give money in my village too, not so far from Berlin. It's a gesture to help out with all the expenses. I was surprised to be given some too on my mum's death, even though she was not buried here.

[robinson100 12,676]

Morning!

can anybody help me with the wording for a condolence card for our neighbour, whose wife just passed on?

We knew her pretty well, but were still on "Sie" terms with her and her husband.

 

I want to say:

Dear Herr...

we were so sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved wife.

She was such a lovely lady, and will be dearly missed.

We wish you strength in this difficult time,

all our love

R100& Shorty

[PandaMunich 16,086]

Have a look here: https://www.trauerdruckportal.de/texte-f%C3%BCr-kondolenzkarten

[maxie 552]

Lieber Herr xy,

anlässlich des Todes Ihrer Frau möchten wir unser herzlichstes Beileid aussprechen. Sie war ein unglaublich netter Mensch und wir werden sie alle vermissen. 
Unsere Gedanken sind in diesen schweren Stunden der Trauer bei Ihnen und wir wünschen Ihnen viel Kraft. 

Ihre R100 & Shorty 

[pappnase 2,294]

Just say something nice. I guarantee he won't care what you actually say.

The ideas in the link Panda shared all seem OK to me and match the tone of the cards I got from neighbours and colleagues.

 

Much more important than the card though, do something, make him a meal, invite him over, or just offer your heartfelt condolences in person.

Different neighbours did things like that (one made a cake, one invited me over for a drink), those made more difference than all the cards and flowers.

 

[jeba 4,194]

1 hour ago, pappnase said:

Much more important than the card though, do something, make him a meal, invite him over, or just offer your heartfelt condolences in person.

Different neighbours did things like that (one made a cake, one invited me over for a drink), those made more difference than all the cards and flowers.

That! When my wife died I wrote in the ad that I didn't want to receive condolences. They can't provide consolation and I wanted to be left alone and not feel obligated to respond to meaningless cards. What I appreciated though was a neighbour who came and said she didn't know what to say but that I could always bring my toddlers to her if I was in need of babysitting.

[fraufruit 40,440]

You are not obliged to respond to condolence cards. Nobody expects it. It makes the other people feel better to send them.

[jeba 4,194]

53 minutes ago, fraufruit said:

You are not obliged to respond to condolence cards. Nobody expects it.

Do you think you know my cultural background better than I do?

[fraufruit 40,440]

So very sorry. I hadn't considered. 

[Santitas 564]

13 hours ago, fraufruit said:

You are not obliged to respond to condolence cards. Nobody expects it. It makes the other people feel better to send them.

It’s also really not about the other people, is it? It’s good to hear from people who have gone through it and what actually helped them in their grief. Couldn’t care less about the other people in this case, tbh. 

[Feierabend 1,083]

Around here, people often put a public thank you notice in the local newspaper's pages for deaths/sympathy announcements. In the village they put a thank you notice on the  board by the Gemeindeamt.

 

 

[pappnase 2,294]

Wow, given that the local paper wanted €500 for the general announcement that my wife was dead, I won't be posting a second one to say thanks for the cards.

Anyone who speaks to me gets a thanks in person at the time.  People who sent flowers got a direct thank-you as well. Anyone else, tough luck.

 

 

[robinson100 12,676]

Hi folks,

thanks for all the replies.

I just did my best to write what I wanted to write in bad German for the husband, and the kids got a message in English!

I also spoke to them in person.

The funeral was yesterday, and I couldn´t attend