What made you laugh today?

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A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken running down the road. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph!
The man in the car sped up again, to his surprise the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
Suddenly the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard with dozens of three legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer "How did you get all these three legged chickens?"
The farmer replied, "I breed 'em. Ya see it's me, my wife and my son living here and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece."
"That's amazing!" said the driver "How do they taste?"
"Don't rightly know, I ain't caught one yet!"

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If you want to wish a happy birthday to someone named Morgyn, you should make sure all the letters are the same color, or you might end up wishing them a happy 18th orgy

 

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BBC news report today.

Their German correspondent, an atractive lady, told the world that the Bundesliga are starting games again behihd closed doors with strict guidlines, including no shaking of hands etc.

According to the reporter, the teams are even "gong to be disinfecting their balls at half-time".

The mind boggles!

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7 hours ago, Acton said:

BBC news report today.

Their German correspondent, an atractive lady, told the world that the Bundesliga are starting games again behihd closed doors with strict guidlines, including no shaking of hands etc.

According to the reporter, the teams are even "gong to be disinfecting their balls at half-time".

The mind boggles!

 

Remembers me of the story of 70s England footballer, Rodney Marsh. 

 

Quote

He played a mere nine times for England.

 

There was a reason for that, too.

 

When Alf Ramsey told him, "If you don't work harder I'll pull you off at half time," Marsh replied:

 

"Crikey, Alf, at Manchester City all we get is an orange and a cup of tea."

 

He was never picked again.

 

:lol:

 

 

9 minutes ago, Wherearewegoingto said:

Will cameras be there to cover that ..erm.. cleaning?

 

Have you considered Pornhub? 

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14 hours ago, Wherearewegoingto said:

Will cameras be there to cover that ..erm.. cleaning?

 

Well, there was a press conference (but it was at least 10 yrs ago) : 

 

 

 

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Here's an Amazon review for a motion sensor sprinkler intended to keep furry pests away from cherished garden plants. Laugh? I thought I'd die!

 

'I was given the task of protecting a cherished persimmon tree from the predation of a platoon of raccoons. Seriously. All year we'd see one or two in the yard and when the persimmons were ripe we'd hear a noise one evening and find a dozen of them spread around the tree while three specialists were knocking fruit off of the branches. Furry locust. I'm sure they were one of the plagues of Egypt that were edited out because the book was getting too damn long.
Anyway.
I installed one of these units as the fruit began to ripen and from the first night we'd hear it go off two or three times as it flawlessly executed its sentry duty, one soldier against the horde. And that's where the plan failed. On the day we were planning to harvest we found the tree bare and saw that the [unit] had been knocked over. The Intelligence Section of the Raccoon Army had figured out that if they approached it from behind it wouldn't go off and they pushed it over so that the sensor was pointing at the ground and was ineffectual.'

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And there's the reward - birds singing like mad, going about their lives, raising chicks (so enjoyable to watch) - because they didn't starve! :)

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So, we decided to make cream of asparagus soup for our lunch today. I had to do some baking for my wife's dad, so she was going to handle peeling the asparagus and getting it ready for the soup.

 

 

I told her to put half the chicken broth from the container in the pantry.

 

She said, "But how much water?"

 

"Half the chicken broth is enough."

 

"But it needs water."

 

I told her just to peel the asparagus and I would do the rest.

 

When she was done, I reached in the pantry and pulled out a large tetra pack of chicken broth.

 

She said, "Oh, I thought you meant the powder."

 

This is the one time German (or at least her German) lacked an extra word for bouillon.

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