What made you laugh today?

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So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong...:D

 

A4305A7B-2B8A-4F2F-8609-C92EF9C9D94D.jpe

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A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

After his operation the doctors advised him that all was well.



However, the officer kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it meant that more surgery was needed and the doctors

hadn't told him about yet, he finally plucked up courage to pull his

hospital gown up sufficiently to look at what was making him so uncomfortable.



Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three

Very wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily
--- if at all...!!!!!!!!



Written on the tape in large black letters was :



"Get well soon!!!, from the nurse in the blue Ford Mondeo you pulled over
last week and booked for speeding!"



Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

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6 minutes ago, SS Dave said:


Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three
Very wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily
--- if at all...!!!!!!!!
 

Written on the tape in large black letters was :
"Get well soon!!!, from the nurse in the blue Ford Mondeo you pulled over
last week and booked for speeding!"

Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?

 

Soak the tape with isopropyl alcohol. Works like a charm. It's an disinfectant, too.

But ask a different nurse for it... one that isn't friends with the Mondeo-driver...

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A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk said, ‘We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.’ The head monk went down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody had seen him, so one of the monks went downstairs to look for him. He heard a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and found the old monk leaning over one of the original books, crying. He asked what was wrong. ‘The word is ‘celebrate,’ not ‘celibate’!’ sobbed the head monk.

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On 22.4.2020, 19:23:32, katheliz said:

7659_20.04.20_web_SD.jpg

My father would turn in his grave at this. His mother, my grandmother, was visiting us from Scotland and took our dog for a walk one Sunday morning.

She was gone longer than expected and we were quite worried about where she had got to. (She was about 80 at the time). She eventually came home to our house and told us she had been taken to a pub by our dog who had refused to leave the front door of same until she had gone in.

My father was totally red-faced.  Moral of the story? Never trust a dog not to put you in the shit:

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Fun fact of the day...

Men and women are dying from the Corona virus in greater numbers than all the other genders combined.

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"Is lockdown jogging ruining your cleavage? Experts warn 20 minutes of jogging without a sports bra can make breasts move around by 14cm and cause 'irreparable tissue damage"

 

Thank goodnes I don't have to worry about this. I don't go jogging! Maybe Dolly Parton?

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