What made you laugh today?

17,188 posts in this topic

This is the best line in the article:

 

The firm said his "experience of political leadership through periods of complexity" would be invaluable.

 

The guy didn't lead, he's an invertebrate. As for periods of complexity he was totally lost. Me thinks Gideon and the 1922 committe were the real leaders, the moment things got awkward he always backed down.

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2090.jpg.a3c333351febf9eaa6bbbf6c098d463

Quote

Real talk: everyone enjoys defecating more than they let on. And yet still, in 2019, it’s an act surrounded with shame and secrecy. Until today! Now you can share the wonder of shitting with the world’s most intelligent and obsequious talking smart toilet!

 

Enter the bathroom and Peter Pooper automatically lifts his lid, imploring you to take a seat. As you defecate into his mouth he’ll analyse your bowel movement, offering dietary advice while also complimenting you on its aroma, taste and texture like a judge on a cookery show.

 

No need for self-wiping either – this isn’t the Middle Ages for Christ’s sake. Peter Pooper® will clean and polish your dainty little bum button with his rubberized Motor Tongue® before flushing away your chestnut soil with a satisfied swallowing noise while tears of gratitude glisten in his eyes.

 

Did we mention his eyes? He has eyes. Eyes only for you. And as you leave the room he’ll scream that he’s in love with you and threaten to kill himself if you so much as think of moving house.

 

From the genius that is Charlie Brooker: The Guardian

 

PS

Black Mirror Season 5 coming June 5th on Netflix

 

 

 

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7 minutes ago, AlexTr said:

@Janx Spirit Okay, I must still be a bit redneck. I'm absolutely contemplating that idea.

 

Me too - but I discarded the idea because the cheese and fat would drip onto the heating elements and probably fuck the toaster up...

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Some website developer just sent me the same email 6 times! Doesn‘t sound like a recommendable person!?

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Old Joshua got his ass beat by a Butterbean knock off.

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6 hours ago, Janx Spirit said:

 

Me too - but I discarded the idea because the cheese and fat would drip onto the heating elements and probably fuck the toaster up...

Toaster bags are available on Amazon.  They're reusable.  Apparently people want to make grilled cheese sandwiches in the toaster, and I'll bet these would also work for pizza.

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On 02/06/2019, 22:12:08, Clive2677 said:

How to lose 1500 calories whilst asleep. 

1E94AB61-843C-44A3-BC76-67243598B0D5.jpeg

 

 

 

On 02/06/2019, 22:12:08, Clive2677 said:

How to lose 1500 calories whilst asleep. 

1E94AB61-843C-44A3-BC76-67243598B0D5.jpeg

 

I rather feel sorry for his loss - does'nt seem like a well off guy. Could be his dinner after a hard day's work - sorry my take

 

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3 minutes ago, RajeshG said:

 

 

 

 

I rather feel sorry for his loss - does'nt seem like a well off guy. Could be his dinner after a hard day's work - sorry my take

 

 

I'm guessing him skipping one meal won't do him much harm.

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I reckon he should do more skipping, hoops! 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Blimey, I used to skip 60 years ago and am still skinny!!!

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32 minutes ago, RajeshG said:

 

 

 

 

I rather feel sorry for his loss - does'nt seem like a well off guy. Could be his dinner after a hard day's work - sorry my take

 

Looks drunk to me. Been there. Done it!

:lol:

 

Oh, that reminds me! There was a terrible fire in London on the tube sometime in the 80s. King´s Cross station, I think.I was on the underground that day. People died. And smoking was immediately banned.

And I remember being on the Tube a few days later and a young Rastafarian guy was smoking a joint and an old  lady a few feet away said: " excuse me, smoking is not allowed on the train".

Hilarious! I was a drug user in those days , had nothing with me and tried to inhale! And smiled.

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