What made you laugh today?

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My mate Pete is 83. I left my dog with him this morning to play in the garden with Pete's dog.

Went back a short while ago to pick Mandy up .

 

Pete looked sad. " You alright, mate?"

"Not really, John. I have days when I suddenly remember things from the distant past."

 

" I know what you mean, Pete! Anything in particular today?"

 

" Well, yes, John... I remembered meeting an old man when I was young man and he'd fought in the Great War and come out unscathed. His lucky charm was a pocket watch which he always kept in his pocket.

Before he died, he gave it to his grandson and wished him all the best.

 

The grandson inherited the watch but decided to wear it over his breast. He was called up in the Second World War and joined his patrol one day.

 

But he had forgotten his pocket watch at home and asked the sergeant if he could pop home and pick it up. The sergeant gave permission .

 

He returned wearing his watch. But there was a sniper."

My mate Pete stopped talking for a few seconds...so I thought I should say something.

 

" Pete, so he got shot by the sniper in the breast but the pocket watch saved his life, right?"

 

Pete took a few seconds to recompose himself- then smiled and said: " No, the bullet hit the pocket watch, ricocheted up his nose and blew his fucking brains out."

 

Pete had tricked me!😂 It was all just an old- timer's joke!

 

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56 minutes ago, Sannerl said:

 

I'm female, so I'm allowed to copy that.

I'm male and I'm allowed to understand it😂

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I don't know why, but this article made me laugh:  United Airlines reminds crew not to restrain unruly passengers with duct tape | Airline industry | The Guardian

This is either genuinely good deadpan writing, or the author seems to have missed both the opportunity for more humour and the point: the examples where duct tape were used all end with trouble makers being stopped, whereas the example in which it wasn't used ends up with blood and missing teeth. 

Alternatively, perhaps, "don't duct tape passengers" could be alongside, "don't waterboard people making complaints"? 

I would have liked some better pictures too. Are the trouble makers being gaffered into their seats, or are the attendants sticking tape over their eyebrows as a retrospective punishment (a non-permanent branding)? Either would make for good before and after pictures.

 

 

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8 minutes ago, Acton said:

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But she's allergic to dogs.  nuff said

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No, the problem is the spelling. My puppy Mandy spells better. It is " German shepherd."

Mandy is currently licking my left foot and agrees.

 

What she doesn't know is my second from left toe is possibly fractured. I stubbed the toe against a chair leg yesterday.😒

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10 minutes ago, john g. said:

No, the problem is the spelling.

No, the problem is that she's allergic to dogs. Can't keep her.  Her name is wife.  She's mostly friendly, vaccinated for Covid, comes with some baggage but she's working it out with her therapist (no cost to you!).    Free to a good home

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Viva la revolucion de los perros!😩😂

Dogs are simply wonderful. Mostly more loyal than most humans. ( Which, ironically, makes then dumb .)

 

 

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The owner of a small house opposite who rented it out to friends of ours and refused to install air conditioning came yesterday. Our friends couldn't stand it any longer and moved out the other week.

" Jassou, John" " Jassou, Giorgina. Are you staying long?"

 

"Yes."

She opened the veranda door, sat outside all afternoon and .... went back to her town today... " too hot."

😂😂😂

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