Cancelling all arrangements after an argument?

131 posts in this topic

I am curious to know what the TT members think about the following situation.

You get into a very serious argument with your significant other.

He/she insults you and makes remarks which are really hurtful.

A couple of days later, your significant other will have her/his birthday.

Before you got into an argument, you already planned to have a nice surprise

for her/him and decided to buy her/him various presents.

What would you do after getting into a unpleasant argument with your

significant other?

a- still have the surprise party and give her/him various presents

b- cancel everything but give them one single present

p.s. in this argument your significant other was very rude and has really

crossed the line and you feel like giving her/him a present right after

your argument (you haven't spoken to her/him since) is like rewarding their

bad behavior.

Your thoughts?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Katrina.

 

As someone who normally broods and waits for the other person to catch on and tries to "teach them a lesson", I can only tell you it backfires. Just be up front and tell them what's up. Tell him/her that they hurt you. Don't make them figure it out on their own, no matter how obvious you think it is. Talk about it, and if they don't apologize and have truly crossed a line, then I think that there's more that needs to be done than just skipping their birthday.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Post it in LiveJournal, Facebook, Twitter, etc. You have to ask the experts. Except if the S.O. is German, then we are the experts.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Um, sounds a bit controlling to talk about giving birthday presents as "rewarding him for bad behavior."

 

Presumably the guests have already been invited to the surprise party. Cancelling a party and effectively uninviting everyone because of a quarrel is in pretty bad taste, especially if you haven't even tried to resolve it.

6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Learn to forget about the problem, face the hurt bravely and plan the party.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bipa is right, it really comes down to what is more important: your ego or your relationship. That doesn't mean be a doormat, but it's long-term vs. short-term.

 

And the reward for good behaviour? Have you been reading today's Daily Mail?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An argument between people who love each other is usually ephemeral in the absence of infidelity. The warm memory of a pleasant surprise from a loved one can last forever and soothe angry feelings. I say carry on with your plans as scheduled.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Kate & Katrina,

I can give you a recap of the events. All names are changed to protect the innocent.

Jack and Jill are married.

Jill has a work colleague called Michael.

Jack is uncomfortable about Michael cause there has been some misunderstandings about Michael's attitude towards

Jill. Jack had the notion that Michael was sometimes hitting on Jill.

So Jack told Jill that he is feeling uncomfortable about Michael and has asked Jill to draw clear borders.

Everytime Jack confronted Jill she got defensive and said nothing was going on and that Michael was a nice

guy and Jack was wrong about his assumptions.

They again had an argument about Michael and Jill called Jack an arrogant, insecure idiot without any

self confidence. Jack told Jill that it's wrong to defend a third person in argument considering Jack

is married to Jill and not Michael. Jill said she has all the right to defend Michael against Jack.

Tomorrow it's Jill's b-day.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ego vs. relationship.

Me vs. us.

Sorry, but there's a liberal sprinkling of not great all over that. I'd be serving humble pie with two spoons.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should always make it up before going to sleep. IF you haven't spoken to them since then think about ending it - that is not a healthy relationship. I agree with Katrina, life is too short - not only to have the effects of an argument last longer than bedtime but also to be in a relationship which is making you post on the internet looking for answers.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That looks like a little spat to me.

 

Jack's insecurity issues need to be dealt with outside of birthday season.

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Dear Kate & Katrina,

I can give you a recap of the events. All names are changed to protect the innocent.

Jack and Jill are married.

Jill has a work colleague called Michael.

Jack is uncomfortable about Michael cause there has been some misunderstandings about Michael's attitude towards

Jill. Jack had the notion that Michael was sometimes hitting on Jill.

So Jack told Jill that he is feeling uncomfortable about Michael and has asked Jill to draw clear borders.

Everytime Jack confronted Jill she got defensive and said nothing was going on and that Michael was a nice

guy and Jack was wrong about his assumptions.

They again had an argument about Michael and Jill called Jack an arrogant, insecure idiot without any

self confidence. Jack told Jill that it's wrong to defend a third person in argument considering Jack

is married to Jill and not Michael. Jill said she has all the right to defend Michael against Jack.

Tomorrow it's Jill's b-day.

 

Jill is an idiot and Michael wants to get in her pants.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for sorting that whole thing out. Bottom line, Jill carries that bucket of water. :P

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Ego vs. relationship.

Me vs. us.

Sorry, but there's a liberal sprinkling of not great all over that. I'd be serving humble pie with two spoons.

 

Humble pies?

 

Since I got married I've had to learn how to bake them very often.

 

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

make up asap and continue with the birthday celebrations as planned.

you may regret it in a few days otherwise.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now