Were you bullied in school?

[eurovol 126]

This year is my 25th. I want to go just to show all the girls that turned me down just what they are missing out on. Bullies? I would still kick their ass. It's the girls who went for all the "in crowd". The in crowd are all now bald and look 10 years older than their age. I look 10 years younger so there.

But you know, I don't give a shit really. Atleast not enough to spend money to get two nights of "ha ha" out of it. Of those that I actually care about, I am still friends with over the many years and the 1000's of miles. Real friends are what counts.

[Paul 10]

 

Red, I nominate you for the most thoughtful post on this thread.  You said it all really.  You never know how people take things even if it is innocently given.  You also never know the motivation behind others pain/bullying.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

And yet this type of excuse, the 'if only I had known' is probably worse than 'I was only following orders'... You ask anyone who was bullied if they think this makes it all okay and they would probably laugh in your face. Reds post is thoughtfull but not I believe the last word on this subject. It is a sop for the bully, a get out jail card for anyones troubled conscious and last but not least and interesting insight in what it is like to have been an "accidental" bully and a protector too. Does one balance the other? Does one right cancel one wrong.

 

Pecking order, bullying, just being kids, not knowing, being too scared to intervine, not caring, not knowing, not realising.

 

All words used in this thread. Some by me. When does bullying step over the line? When it becomes constant. WHen the child cannot sleep at night thinking about the next day of torment. When the child has to actualy make friends with the bullies just to get some peace. When he or she has to become like them and bully someone else.

 

Violance is less scarry than the threat of violance. I'd walk home, being followed and the threat was worse that the battle. Walking home was always the worse time. Going to school I could time it, get there by my own route, get there just before the bell and avoid being inthe company of school 'mates' for longer than required. Lunch time I could make myself scarce, playtimes too. But going home time I was a target no matter what I did.

 

Walking along: sometimes my bag would be kicked from my shoulder. Put it back and off it gets kicked again. I know what the want. They want me to react, give them an excuse to hit me - the only question is, when do I give them what they want... If its not the bag then its the heel of my shoe. Step, step, click, someone kicks it and I trip. Step step, click and there it is again harder, probably bruising my heel. They want me to fall, hopefully in the mud, or into a puddle... Step step click.

 

If I turn and fight them I'll be beat. Bullies rarley travel alone. Once they have beaten me then my bag will be thrown over a garden, maybe my shoes too. They'll run off, but not too far, they want to see me knocking and asking for them back again..

 

Step step click.

 

The threat is sometimes overwelming, sickening.

 

Kids being kids? I call it kids being evil sadistic bastards. But then I had the shit end of the stick, I was the non-good looking kid who wasn't going to universty. The on that was crap at football and had poor social skills. Stood a foot and half taller than the others and constantly had trousers that were too short for my legs exposing socks like a geek. A geeks geek really. I just needed glasses and I would have completed the picture.

 

In the end I buried myself in books and stayed there. Its where I can be found today.

[Guest]

Had the misfortune of being picked on by the cock of the school at 8yrs old, he was 11. Had the shit kicked out of me for two weeks until he got bored and moved on to someone else. School wasnt a problem, after the first incident, parents were straight in to school and it stopped. Worst was when it was outside of school.

 

After that never really got bullied but I was pretty low down on the food chain, so just avoided the big crowds and stuck with the 1 friend I knew.

 

Anyone remember when 'Friends Reunited' was launched? I got sent the link and remember thinking this is pretty good for about 5 minutes, then went through the list of people I went to school with and thought...

 

Arsehole, Arsehole, Arsehole, Arsehole, Bitch, Arsehole, Bitch, Bitch.

 

None of them were my friends.

 

Would love to meet the person who coined the phrase 'School years are the best years of your life'...<_<

[don_riina 7,406]

Grew up with family. Hence never got bullied. My little brother did once, it was stopped very quickly indeed. Family mate. Trust nothing else.

[Jimbo 1,269]

Am shocked to see that 56 people were bullied and only 21 were not - had no idea the figures would be that high, but I have to suspect that there's a certain amount of interpretation - for example I, from time to time, had one or two kids take the piss, essentially because I worked harder and was doing better than them, but I wouldn't call that bullying - it's just kids being kids.

 

Still nice to get your own back, although getting your own back is very subjective, but for me I think my road to Damascus moment as far as these two or three kids was concerned was sitting on the aeroplane when I was moving to Munich - out on the tarmac loading my bags onto the plane was one of those kids. I found that hugely satisfying (still do), and almost, dare I say it, affirming so I can't imagine how it would have felt for anybody who he had actually bullied - and I know that there were a few...

[Inflatablewoman 34]

Life sucks? Wrong. Life is easy, you suck!

[interplanetjanet 177]

@Paul

 

Yeah, you must be right. Evil kids can only grow up to be evil adults and spend their waking hours relishing those beautiful moments when they bullied others when they were young. In fact, the most probably circumstance is that they're all serial axe murderers now.

 

No, bullying is not the fault of the kid getting bullied. However, the impact that it has is different with every kid, and most kids can shrug it off and eventually move on.

[interplanetjanet 177]

@Jimbo

 

I voted that I wasn't bullied nor did I bully anyone else, because I didn't consider a lot of what people are saying as bullying. I interpreted bullying as a "serial" thing, not just on a few occasions committed by different people. That happens to everyone.

[ChemicalBurn 1]

I thought so too IPJ. but look at the poll! Im really surprized, would have never imagined the results would be as such. Maybe its because I was never bullied, and was probably oblivious to it. But 56 people were bullied on this thread alone, and 35 think it has affected the rest of their lives!

Though still, Paul, I think you are too well aware of what it has done to you for you to allow yourself to hold on to the trauma. Though it could be what makes what you are now and you want to keep it that way, that is your choice.

[interplanetjanet 177]

Yeah, CB, but see post #68. I get the impression from what's said on the thread that it's the minority who were *regularly* bullied.

[Red 3]

I agree, eurovol and IPJ, the impact of bullying affects people differently. Some kids are able to shake it off, but for others, it really is a trauma.

Of course, the extent of the bullying plays a big role, and I think most people have not experienced it to the extent that Paul and a few other posters have. I honestly cannot imagine constantly living in fear of what will happen next, not being able to sleep at night, and not being able to talk to my parents about it. I think I'd be traumatized too in this situation and find it very difficult to accept even years later that the kids were not simply evil.

 

A trauma is really not something you can just decide to hold on to or not. I don't think people who have been traumatized can easily shake it off or rationalize it away, no matter how much they have talked through what happened, no matter whether they realize now that it was not their fault.

 

It's easy enough to explain a little bit of heckling away as "kids will be kids" but I think even kids, especially when they reach high school age, should be able to tell when enough is enough. What shocks me is that parents often seem to not notice or not know how to handle it, and the same goes for teachers.

[Paul 10]

 

@Paul

 

Yeah, you must be right. Evil kids can only grow up to be evil adults and spend their waking hours relishing those beautiful moments when they bullied others when they were young. In fact, the most probably circumstance is that they're all serial axe murderers now.

 

No, bullying is not the fault of the kid getting bullied. However, the impact that it has is different with every kid, and most kids can shrug it off and eventually move on.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

In fact the bullied kid is the on most likely to go postal. Then everyone gets to say "but why?".

 

Moving on is cool. I like to think I have moved on. But then someone says something that jerks a memory and wammm I'm like the salivering dog ready to attack because I know that attacking now is not as dreadful as waiting for it to happen.

 

 

Though still, Paul, I think you are too well aware of what it has done to you for you to allow yourself to hold on to the trauma. Though it could be what makes what you are now and you want to keep it that way, that is your choice.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Holding onto the trauma is a way of dealing with it. Any victim of crime (yes I class this as a crime) will tell you that it shapes their life in one way or another. People who are mugged no longer walk home alone, if you have ever been burglad you never leave a window open and so on...

 

Trauma is something by degrees. My trauma is nothing compaired to those that have actually been killed (in the UK) by bullies who "just kids being kids" let something flow out of control until they ended up with a corpse and a mouthfull of "we didnt know"...

 

Trauma is something you think you can control. If you met me you would never guess my past. I'm 6'2 and weigh 90 kilos, I can look mean and when if I ever lean towards you with a nasty smile on my face you might wonder where it would go. But it all bluff. I've been in too many figths to know that people do get hurt, broken cheek bones require months of surgery to put back and broken fingers never work proberly again.

 

School creates the adult. The adult goes on to reinvent himself as he becomes aware of what he can do, what he wants to do. Life changes the man as the man changes his life. But for me there is always a certian jealosy in watch programms where people have school friends (buffy, dawsons creek, scooby doo) and I never had that.

 

Yes my trauma was a long time ago. Yes I have learnt to live with it. I don't hate my tormentors, I try not to think about them. But sometimes I imagine what it would have been like if it had been different.

 

5 years, aged 11 to 16 is a long time to live in someone elses creation of hell. If you are surprised by the long term effects then you were either not bullied (long term) or you were a bully. Part of the problem.

 

When does the bar open? I'm feeling the need for a pint.

[Red 3]

Yeah, a pint does sound good right now...

[Guest]

 

Grew up with family. Hence never got bullied. My little brother did once, it was stopped very quickly indeed. Family mate. Trust nothing else.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Absolutely Don, but it works both ways. I was the bleedin' eldest, and my 3 stupid little brothers were always pickin' fights in my soddin' name :(

[Mr_MoooMan 1]

Was bullied when I was secondary school for 5 years ( Kids ages 13 to 17) . I was in boarding school, getting home once a month. Was hell, anytime I think about it, I get really angry at how they treated me.

 

But I suppose I was one of the lucky one's, I was able to get through school without successfully doing anything stupid to myself, get into college and realise that I was not the person that my bullies tried to enforce on me. I met real people, made real friends for the first time. Then to top it all off, I meet some of my bullies during my college years, and found that most of the people that knew them taught that they were pricks.

 

I also have to agreed, that bullies in school are not going to change so much just because they enter the adult world. School creates the foundations of a person life. If you were a bully in school there is a 80% chance you are one now. It justs not as easy to see in the adult world. A school play ground is a very small place remember, and the number of bullies to schools is maybe just one group of kids.

[gilksy 0]

i was bullied, apparently because i was friends with the boys!!!

 

however the girls responsible also caused the 2 french teachers to have nervous breakdowns as well.

 

total bunch of bitchs! was glad to move back to the midlands

[Guest]

wow - this is like a group therapy session !!!

 

very badly bullied. got over it eventually. every now and then go drinking with some of the former bulliers and usually have a laugh with them.

 

 

Dont mean to sound like Im saying bullying is ok, but sometimes its simply really because "kids will be kids"

This is rubbish. Kids soak up what they see around them and what they are taught is acceptable behaviour. If kids are bullies then its cos they're copying it from somewhere. I blame the parents.

[potbelly 17]

Tough one this. I was the youngest of 4 brothers, so i already new how to roll with the punches. They were never there to protect me at shool, but i was bullied because of them. That bullying was purely physical and by kids in older years. I had been warned what to expect, so I took the abuse and kept quiet. No sure why, but that soon stopped. With my peer group, I was lucky , I didn't have any problems( Ok, Everyone is teased or is the butt of jokes at some point). I'm not sure but either my Dad or my Brothers told me that if I get into trouble, strike first and go for the head. Odd thing to say to an eight year old, but I was by far the shortest in my class and I think they expected me to suffer because if that. Well thats what I did. Got picked on in the woods outside the school and then all I can remember was that there was a kid crying on the ground, the rest just just stood there not sure what to do next. Only ever had to repeat that once, & that was when I was 15.

 

My best mate & I were never really interested in being part of the 'IN' crowd, we just did what we wanted and caused as much mischief as possible. Sometimes I joined in with the herd when they were persecuting some lad. But my attitude was change when I discovered that a guy, Andy, from our class who was being picked on by younger kids because they had seen him being bullied by our own year. This was also when I was 15, so my best mate & I decided that we would always try and stick up for him. The three of us met at up at new year again for the first time in 6 years in South Africa. Until that point I had never really understood the impact that bullying has on someone. Even now, you could see that Andy did everything possible to be friendly to everyone he met and always does what everyone else wants to do, never wanting to cause conflict.

 

After reading the threads above, I realise just how lucky I was. Even my darkest moments pale into insignificance.

 

Whats funny though, it it that even now I'm still getting bullied by people like gooner_gal & wibble to drink beer ! :P

[Punchbear 1,024]

Between the ages of 15 anf 17, I used to regularly get followed home from school by this one fucking spasmoid from the council estate down the road, who used to be in my class and bully me, but he left school at 14, so there was a period of relief. He'd started hanging out with lads who were much older, early twenties, grown men essentially, unemployed fucking tardoids. The first time he got me, there were 4 of them and they popped out of nowhere from around a corner. In what was to become a pattern for the next few years, he'd materialise in a puff of chip-smell and fag butts and the perennial "Did you just call me a faggot? Are you looking at me funny?". That time the other guys just stood and watched in a circle while yer man whaled on my head until I was unconscious and threw me into a ditch. I woke up and struggled to a friends house nearby, got a cup of tea and a lift home.

 

My Dad came home from work and went apeshit. He knew the guys father; Dad was involved in property development and the guys Dad was a building contractor, so he went round to the house and threatened him. My Dad must've shaken yer mans Dad up a bit, knowing that bad relations with my Dad wouldn't be good for his livelihood, especially in recession ravaged Ireland in the late 1980s. He must've impressed the gravity of the situation upon his son with his fists because a few days later, he popped out from behind another corner, but with a blackeye and the words "Yer Da's not around now ye cunt!" and he went to town on me again. My Dad went apeshit again, but the guys parents had turfed him out (he'd bean dealing as well, iirc).

 

So, the next two years consisted of me cycling everywhere, instinctively accelerating through known ambush points, taking huge detours when my mother sent me out for the messanges after my brother had scouted out the main street and they'd been hanging around outside the casino, climbing over the back wall and sneaking, crouched by a stream because yer man and a posse of 10 lads were waiting on the grass outside our gates. The police were useless. On the occasions that they did get close enough, I'd normally get a few punches in the face. But normally I'd be on my bike and be fast enough to get away.

 

The worst was getting on the bus though. There was no way to see when you were getting on if they were on the bus. But they could see you getting on. Then they'd get off the bus with you. Join the dots. Sometimes, if the bus was crowded, you'd be lucky and get off in a pack of people and have enough time to get a head start on them, enough distance to give you an advantage in a sprint-off. Normally, they didn't have the balls to attack you with real people around.

 

Eventually my parents got sick of this endless harassment and the neighbours complaining that my acquaintances were lowering the tone of the neighbourhood by hanging around like that (oh the irony), and they packed me off to boarding school. But not without my Dad telling me the night I was dropped off there, that if anyone tries anything with me, to just pick up the nearest heavy object and twat them with it. Sure enough, a week or so later, and I had twatted one guy over the head with a chair. A 6th former saw it and when the 6h formers went on their monthly rampage through the dorms putting nettles and dogshit and spit and sticks into peoples beds, I was demonstrably spared with an "He's alright, don't touch that one." And that was that, I never got bullied in school again.

 

The prick who bullied me is now a huge fucking walrus of a taxi driver.

[Für Elise 3,847]

I've been thinking about this all day. I was bullied in school by two boys in my class. I developed pretty early, but then stopped - so first they would pick on me for being the only girl in the class with boobs, and then for having small ones. Eventually, one of them was expelled when we were in the third year of high school, but the other kept on. It was rarely violent, but he'd spit at me whenever he thought no one was looking. He'd sit behind me in class and whisper about how he was going to rape me.

 

I'm only tiny, and the one time I hit him he hit back harder and I got in trouble for it. Hitting him stopped it for a while - maybe a couple of months - and then he got right back into it. He's a policeman now. Go figure.