Were you bullied in school?

[bonydebbie 11]

errrr i ended up dating most of the guys who bullied me not the best way to get back but it paid off

ofcourse i helped in bulling after a year.

[interplanetjanet 177]

 

The idea of my bullies standing in front of me and saying, hey it was just kids being kids is highly repulisve. They were who they are and as children they became adults. I have no reason to assume they changed their spots.

That's just a ridiculous thing to say. As much as I respect your position and very much disagree with what you went through when you were young, it sounds like you still need to break free from that victim attitude.

 

I never bullied anyone, but I know just how completely different I am now from how I was even in high school. I'd venture to guess that most of the people you have pent up anger against probably don't even have any recollection whatsoever about he events that so traumatized you. They're more likely than not completely different than you remember them to be. There's no reason to assume that they're the same as they were then, because most people simply aren't.

[Guest]

 

I never bullied anyone

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What, not even in the written form IPJ?

[BadDoggie 1,576]

I was bullied mercilessly from the moment I entered 4th grade. Among the reasons were being younger (skipped 2nd grade), too damned smart for my own good, and way too sheltered.

 

It let up around the middle of high school when I started smoking. Somehow that made me less horrible but I was still the penultimate outcast, despite being pretty funny in class.

 

Despite the shit, I showed up at the 5th year reunion and was one of the most popular people there. Same with the 10th year reunion, and I was quietly smug abou the fact that I was doing so muh better than all of my old tormenters (and there were many of them).

 

One day back in 1980 or 1981, a pick-up truck filled with the tormenting rednecks was sitting outside along the main drive where all the kids would go between classes to smoke (allowed then). They got my attenion as a guy named Pat swung like a monkey from the flagpole rope in a large arc which terminated with both his feet slamming into my back. I went flying and landed face-first on the asphalt ad was almost run over by a school bus.

 

A few times they'd tried to hit me with heavy Coke bottles while driving 50mph past me.

 

At the 20th reunion a few years ago, Pat was there and recognised me instantly (I look pretty much the same now as I did then, hair and all). He said, "You're Doggie, right?" "Yep." "I don't really remember what all we did, but I know we treated you pretty badly. I just want to say I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

 

Twenty years of resentment and hate and shit were lifted in those twenty seconds. A lot of others saw and heard this and watched as we shook hands, then hugged. We were talking for a while that night and it was a blast.

 

But I'll never forget the fact that I was hounded mercilessly and beaten bloody almost every day for more than six years.

 

woof.

[Paul 10]

 

That's just a ridiculous thing to say. As much as I respect your position and very much disagree with what you went through when you were young, it sounds like you still need to break free from that victim attitude.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Snap out of it you mean?

 

Funny thing about being a victim, you never lose that. You were a victim, you stay that way. Even fighting back doesn't change it.

 

Perhaps they have changed. Perhaps not. Perhaps my greatest fear is meeting them again and finding that they are really okay people. I'd really hate that. It wouldn't fit with the memory I have and wouldn't work out for me at all.

 

Pent up anger? No, you see you miss the point. Victims have pent up fear, not anfer. They see (I see) the world in shades of black and darker.

 

Anyway, the decision I made was to cut myself off from them, it leaves me without a history and without the feeling that I would ever really like to make close friends. I have perhaps 3 close friends and one of those I am married too. Being bullied makes me see red now and I tend to over react, but in the end you have to ask yourself, would getting even make one small slight difference to my life?

 

No of course not.

 

Keying someones car doesn't make your life better, it only makes their life worse, which is not the same thing, even though some people would like to believe that.

 

But the past is gone. I have gone a little further down memory lane than I wanted to, for me talking through this doesnt make it better, it simply allows me to relive the whole shitty 5 years. Enough already. I have a book to write.

 

CYA.

[interplanetjanet 177]

@Sin - Not in any form.

[eurovol 126]

One answer is missing: I didn't bully anyone, but when they tried to bully me or one of my friends, I kicked their ass and that was the end of that. B)

[Plane Girl 3]

You hear it all the time now a days "that reminds me of high school"...im speaking about random gossip, petiness, bulling... maybe i was weird but my high school didnt have that. I came from a big school, my graduating class was 270 people, but we were all friendly towards each other. I was lucky I was on the popular end, cheerleader all that good stuff but jocks and druggies and nerds.. we all got along. I never experianced high school until just recently.

[More tea, Vicar? 1,128]

I was bullied for a year by a tall zitty guy who called me (!) "Pig Features" and punched me everytime he saw me.

 

I saw him a couple of years back, and he still seemed to hate me. I wish I'd had the wherewithal at the time to say something or do something, but one never does when caught unawares (well not me anyway).

 

In retrospect, the guy was and is a very insecure person.

 

However, getting "even" 20 years later would simply evidence that I was badly hurt by this person. And that I don't want to do.

 

I think the important thing to remember is that these people are flawed and sick. I'm sure he bullied others, and I'm sure he is still an unhappy person.

 

I'm not. Whey-hey!

[Kat 59]

I just asked my daughter about bullying at her school (she's in 8th grade in the Realschule) and she said there isn't any that she knows of! What sort of strange 'heile Welt' have I decided to bring my kids up in, I wonder? :D

[Showem 868]

I think it's easy for certain kids to be oblivious to bullying. They are liked but they don't really have an idea of what's going on around them with other kids.

 

I remember the day at lunch the posse of girls who had been teasing me grabbed my purse (my attempt at conformation, Michael Jackson buttons on the strap and all) and were tossing it back and forth. I finally got my purse back, but was so upset I was sobbing behind the stairwell. The next class, I was still really red-eyed from crying and the popular girl Holly, who was always friendly to everyone saw me, came over to my desk and asked me what was wrong. Poof, suddenly, half the girls who had been in the posse were over at my desk too, giving all sorts of sympathetic words. The hypocrites. But Holly didn't know that and wouldn't have known either. She didn't know I had been bullied because she wasn't part of the problem.

[Kat 59]

Yeah, I think that could be the case with Diana. She was just born being nice to everyone and has always been almost preternaturally popular. Maybe she just doesn't know of any bullying because it would never occur to her to be part of it; but I still think back in the States it might have been different, because Diana wears glasses and has scoliosis, which would usually have been the kiss of death socially in my school. Diana makes up for it though by being very funny and having a lot of confident personality. But maybe the kids here really are a bit nicer. At least in Neubiberg. ..

[eurovol 126]

Girl on girl bullying is the absolute worse. It gets mental!

Guys on the other hand, atleast where I am from, duke it out and all is done. If you were a weakling, there were usually enough buds to go around who would duke it out for you. With the guys, one year you could be on one side and the next the other. The girls seemed to switch sides weekly. Bizzare really.

I guess since I had a sister who was "handicapped", I stayed on the side of the underdog. I just couldn't stand around and let those things happen. I even got respect from the biggest female bully of them all. Of course, I had to fight her and punch her lights out. She deserved it, she started it (not with me, but with someone else) and she admitted it. We were never "friends", but she seemed to like and respect me after that more than she did anyone else. Luckily for me, although I looked like an easy target, I have always been pretty damn strong.

Before you say but it was a girl, the bitch was big and mean and had already beat up half the guys in the class. It was fifth grade afterall. ;)

[Guest]

My dad's bigger than your dad. Nerrie-ner :P

[Grinner 4]

It seems the Uglier you are the more bullied you get...

 

Until I kicked the shit out of a 5th former, when I was in the 2nd Form...

 

Somehow it all stopped..

 

G

[Guest]

My mate Grinner's bigger than your mates.

 

NERRIE-NER WITH BRASS KNOBS ON AND BAGSY NO RETURNS!!!

[eurovol 126]

Here is a man with a plan. Wish I had thought of it.

Hell, you need a bully beat up, give me a call. :D

[Red 3]

I voted that I was neither bullied nor the bully but now that I think about it, I'd change if I could.

 

In 8th grade I was picked on by these 2 girls who called me Pippi Longstocking and carrot head (because of my hair color, if it's not clear already). It didn't really bother me, though- I just found it funny because these two had that huge 80's poofy chemical-burned hair that was a result of too many perms, and I wasn't afraid to point that out to them. In many cases, I think I was able to come back with sharp comments that left people with nothing else to say.

My best friend in school was seriously overweight, and she got hounded constantly. I remember getting into (verbal) fights with kids who were picking on her, and always being able to silence them. After a while, nobody would say anything to her if she was with me. I think growing up in a family where everyone constantly nitpicked, joked at and criticized one another was good training for these kinds of situations.

 

In high school, there was this guy named Simon in some of my classes. I used to always sing the song "Hello, my name is Simon" from the Mike Myers Saturday Night Live skit to him. He'd always laugh until one day he exploded at me, pinned me against the wall and almost burst into tears. It was a shock to me, because I hadn't realized that he found this taunting, I really thought it was just funny. I felt so bad after that, and apologized the same day, but he was never able to forgive me. It was a real wake-up call for me. Made me realize that some kids are ignorant to the effects that even the meanest behavior can have.

 

I guess that bullying and teasing is a normal part of growing up- establishing social pecking orders and all that, but it's sad that in so many cases, it leaves such deep scars.

 

I can't help but think about this girl who my brother picked on in school. She was a bit awkward, and when he found out she had a crush on him, he tormented her for 3 years. I tried to stop him, even stood up for her against him, which sometimes helped, but I could see that he really hurt her. The pathetic thing is that my brother was one of the most insecure people I know... he got bullied pretty badly himself. He's got his own scars as well.

 

I just hope my kids are not bullied too badly, and I hope I can keep them from bullying other kids.

[eurovol 126]

Red, I nominate you for the most thoughtful post on this thread. You said it all really. You never know how people take things even if it is innocently given. You also never know the motivation behind others pain/bullying. It takes years for some people to figure it all out and others mentally turn it into their very own holocaust. Bullying comes in many forms and most of us immediately suspected brut force or outright taunting, but the subtle mind games are probably the worst. As I said, the girls bullying is mental and that is fucked up. Now if people could just talk, the analysts that get paid big bucks just to listen would be out of job.

[Carm 74]

I was not pysically bullied in school, but I was taunted alot, didn't help being 5Ft 6 at the age of 10, acne hit me at 9-10, needed glasses at 10, was not small and petite like all the other girls, and was one heck of an athlete. The taunting went on thru Jr. High and High school. Happened by both girls and boys.

Used to hurt bad, but I would never let them see me cry, I saved that til I was home. I used humour to cover my hurt, over time, I didn't have to see the main taunters... found new friends, that also had the same problems.

 

Years later, I was working at a gift shop in the mall, and one of the guys that used to tease me bad, walked pass, and stopped in his tracks and said- 'Carm, Wow, you look great, its been a long time! How are you doing' My reply, was 'Fine. Can I help you with something, as I don't have time for small chat!' That felt so good!

 

I am flying home in July for my 20th HighSchool Reunion, and am looking forward to meeting more demons. I feel stronger about myself now, and damn, I look great too! :D