Experiences with dating German women

335 posts in this topic

"Personal experience? Well, while they can be very sexy indeed, I have found they generally complain too much about trivial things. While what is trivial and what is not is going to be a subjective thing, I think German women - or indeed Germans generally - are unusually "pingelig" compared to other cultures.

 

Closely linked with too much complaining is a conviction that they are ALWAYS right and a proclivity to pass judgment based on gut instinct without having looked at the facts..."

The above comment by fabmuc from page 2 pretty much nailed my impressions of German women. Men from English-speaking cultures will find German females complaining about miniscule (relativity here!) dress violations as if they were wearing your clothes! The "conviction that they are ALWAYS right" comes with a mindless need to justify (to you) everything that she does (yes, clothes, food, shopping, hair, itinerary --yours and hers...ad infinitum) to the point where you just want to hide from the never-ending barrage of self-justification. But it is not allowed to be alone. Also involved is an inability to accept responsibility for mistakes or bad judgment. They are control freaks who want to run your life...all of it. And yes, they are direct to a fault, and diplomacy is unknown to them. They have no sense of when to leave things unsaid, and have no appreciation of the English-speaking man's forebearance of a critical word: which could lead to them thinking that they are always right. No sense of proportion either: EVERYTHING is a crisis. Which could be why in a recent newspaper article English men were rated as the LEAST desirable by German women--who seem to prefer "fiery" Italians or Spaniards.

German women cannot use maps, and cannot take directions while driving from a passenger who is using a map--a strange trait in a land with so many good maps.

 

There is a converse side to all of this. The German woman takes VERY good care of you. A friend of mine calls Germans the best wives in the world. They are whizzes for details and technicalities, and if you can find a way to control the bad side of this, they can make your life very simple and uncomplicated. They are very hard-working in every facet of the household. This can get irritating, they always have to clean everything at every possible chance, they overpack suitcases for you. But it is difficult to complain about the level of cleanliness or the thoroughness of her preparation for your out-of-town business trip. As someone else on this thread has said, you just sometimes have to put your foot down, and say "enough!"

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"Personal experience? Well, while they can be very sexy indeed, I have found they generally complain too much about trivial things. While what is trivial and what is not is going to be a subjective thing, I think German women - or indeed Germans generally - are unusually "pingelig" compared to other cultures.

 

Closely linked with too much complaining is a conviction that they are ALWAYS right and a proclivity to pass judgment based on gut instinct without having looked at the facts..."

The above comment by fabmuc from page 2 pretty much nailed my impressions of German women. Men from English-speaking cultures will find German females complaining about miniscule (relativity here!) dress violations as if they were wearing your clothes! The "conviction that they are ALWAYS right" comes with a mindless need to justify (to you) everything that she does (yes, clothes, food, shopping, hair, itinerary --yours and hers...ad infinitum) to the point where you just want to hide from the never-ending barrage of self-justification. But it is not allowed to be alone. Also involved is an inability to accept responsibility for mistakes or bad judgment. They are control freaks who want to run your life...all of it. And yes, they are direct to a fault, and diplomacy is unknown to them. They have no sense of when to leave things unsaid, and have no appreciation of the English-speaking man's forebearance of a critical word: which could lead to them thinking that they are always right. No sense of proportion either: EVERYTHING is a crisis. Which could be why in a recent newspaper article English men were rated as the LEAST desirable by German women--who seem to prefer "fiery" Italians or Spaniards.

German women cannot use maps, and cannot take directions while driving from a passenger who is using a map--a strange trait in a land with so many good maps.

 

There is a converse side to all of this. The German woman takes VERY good care of you. A friend of mine calls Germans the best wives in the world. They are whizzes for details and technicalities, and if you can find a way to control the bad side of this, they can make your life very simple and uncomplicated. They are very hard-working in every facet of the household. This can get irritating, they always have to clean everything at every possible chance, they overpack suitcases for you. But it is difficult to complain about the level of cleanliness or the thoroughness of her preparation for your out-of-town business trip. As someone else on this thread has said, you just sometimes have to put your foot down, and say "enough!"

 

 

 

And how many German women do you know to make such a sweeping statement? There are nice women and bitches in any nationality. From a clean housekeeping point of view I rather had a German female than a cosmopolitan mind infected American women who thinks equal rights are her rights when it fits her and all other obligations are only the husbands duty.

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gaberlunzi, go back to north america. oh wait, you're already there.

 

I think flint24 and greattoucan had a lot of good points. While never 100%, they do indicate a certain trend.

 

I agree with the "past hurts" affecting the future, but if you grew up in a country full of sensitive, and often not-self-confident people, you're gonna protect what you're got. i wish people would just grow some balls and take life by the horns instead of endlessly reflecting on the past, but let's face it - this country is locked in a state of reflection on their past. Interesting if the US white-folk would spend more time reflecting on slavery...

 

pingelig, I can also attest to. I tried to teach my ex the saying "pick your battles", but nope. I ended up with this feeling that my ex was just the girl that flips out over nothing, and although at the end when the ship was clearly sinking, she would try to tell me that that's not the person she is. I would just say "well then, sit calmly and let's talk." Didn't work.

 

But it is a bit of a double-edged sword because on the one hand yes, you're taken care of and your girl is sweet, loyal, trustworthy, etc. (obviously not always, we are all humans with diversity) but on the other hand there is often far too much fuss over nothing. For a country that likes their "Ruhe" I find this another one of those strange contradictions in the german mentality.

 

In the end I often felt like someone was trying to put me on a conveyor belt (to the future). I felt like the walls around me were slowly pushing in. I made a mistake and expressed my frustration and my desire to feel free by getting it on with another girl.

 

perhaps this is why (from what I gather) germen men are famous for cheating. I had never before cheated on anyone ever. and i'm 30.

 

slightly off topic, my german flatmate (38) said to me today - be careful of russian girls, they may seem sweet, but they are self-confident and know what they want. :ph34r:

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In the end relationships are about communication, different cultural backgrounds do make a difference to how people think, but really all it means is you have to work harder at talking to eachother.

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gaberlunzi, go back to north america. oh wait, you're already there.

 

I think flint24 and greattoucan had a lot of good points. While never 100%, they do indicate a certain trend.

 

I agree with the "past hurts" affecting the future, but if you grew up in a country full of sensitive, and often not-self-confident people, you're gonna protect what you're got. i wish people would just grow some balls and take life by the horns instead of endlessly reflecting on the past, but let's face it - this country is locked in a state of reflection on their past. Interesting if the US white-folk would spend more time reflecting on slavery...

 

pingelig, I can also attest to. I tried to teach my ex the saying "pick your battles", but nope. I ended up with this feeling that my ex was just the girl that flips out over nothing, and although at the end when the ship was clearly sinking, she would try to tell me that that's not the person she is. I would just say "well then, sit calmly and let's talk." Didn't work.

 

But it is a bit of a double-edged sword because on the one hand yes, you're taken care of and your girl is sweet, loyal, trustworthy, etc. (obviously not always, we are all humans with diversity) but on the other hand there is often far too much fuss over nothing. For a country that likes their "Ruhe" I find this another one of those strange contradictions in the german mentality.

 

In the end I often felt like someone was trying to put me on a conveyor belt (to the future). I felt like the walls around me were slowly pushing in. I made a mistake and expressed my frustration and my desire to feel free by getting it on with another girl.

 

perhaps this is why (from what I gather) germen men are famous for cheating. I had never before cheated on anyone ever. and i'm 30.

 

slightly off topic, my german flatmate (38) said to me today - be careful of russian girls, they may seem sweet, but they are self-confident and know what they want. :ph34r:

 

That reminds me of a little story my master (a Bavarian)used to tell; Michel a Bavarian was a simple man and had to serve in the Prussian army during WW1. Being of a simple mind he was appointed to be chore and coffee boy for some officers. Michel was a men of few words and did his duty as told. That annoyed some officers and so they filled their boots with shit to see how Michel would react. Michel never said anything and kept cleaning their boots. One day one of the officers lost his cool and asked Michel if he did notice anything. Michel said yes and if you don't shit in the boots I won't piss in your coffee anymore.

 

30 years old is still a very young age and you seem to be a very educated man, but you still have to learn a lot of forgiving (or ignoring) to learn. To not react to everything what annoys you, is for sure.In most cases your negative reaction reply makes things usually worse than the situation actually is.

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*cough* Not the point at all, but Bavaria still had its own army in WW1 *cough*

 

I remember the story being told modified with iirc a worker and his foreman.

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To those who don't realize it, I do like German women...

 

One further complication exists, for which German women cannot be blamed. In our English-speaking cultures, we seem to have developed a system of vocalizing using tone to indicate our mood at the moment. To give an example, imagine being called to dinner by the spouse, and being called to the bosses' office about a mistake in the work you made. The tone of voice, even the loudness used, is different in each case. With Germans, there is none of this, and it can be confusing, vexing, frustrating, and even provoke anger. We internalize these tones very early in our childhoods, learning them from our families. There is none of this auf Deutsch.

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Any comments?

 

yeah.Someone did not agree with you AND not only German wives are bossy US& CAN.wives can be quite bossy too! :huh:

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yes, we Germans think "he who likes shaved vulvae is into 6-9 year-olds, because only they have no hair".

 

In my opinion she is a victim of the cosmetic industry who is brainwashing women into buying their products (razors, creams, lotions, itch creams and what not).

 

ahem...i beg to differ. Being german myself I do use a razor. I'm not brainwashed nor am I encouraging paedophilia, it's just my personal preference. Stereotypes are very annoying IMO.

 

edit still working on my ability to quote properly, sorry

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I don't get what's not to get about shaving. You don't have to if you don't want to, and if your husband is into your massive bush, then great for the both of you. I like to take care of my body hair because I think it just looks better. The lines of a great leg are sharper when the leg is hairless, and, ahem, "creative sculpting" down there is just hot. You also don't have to take everything off; a six to nine year old can't do what I've done. ;) I'm married, but I do it for myself--and not because I was brainwashed by society, or the media, or the soap-and-water-and-cheap-disposable-razor industry (who are doubtless seeing record profits as a direct result of my spending about ten bucks a year on the damn things). I do the pits cos it's easier to stay fresher longer. I pluck because it gives the face contour. Etc etc etc.

 

Personally I think hairy chicks are ick but I'm not going to start moralizing and theorizing about why they don't shave their pits. Hair removal shouldn't be a political issue; it's just hair, for Christ's sake.

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To those who don't realize it, I do like German women...

 

One further complication exists, for which German women cannot be blamed. In our English-speaking cultures, we seem to have developed a system of vocalizing using tone to indicate our mood at the moment. To give an example, imagine being called to dinner by the spouse, and being called to the bosses' office about a mistake in the work you made. The tone of voice, even the loudness used, is different in each case. With Germans, there is none of this, and it can be confusing, vexing, frustrating, and even provoke anger. We internalize these tones very early in our childhoods, learning them from our families. There is none of this auf Deutsch.

 

 

Hmh do you mean when Germans speak English or German?

 

Actually the is a different tone in German in your two examples. But what is true, is the fact that German depends less on sentence melody than English. It sounds often impolite when Germans speak English monotonously like they are used to from their own language, especially when dealing with BE speakers. AE seems to be closer to German. They just get low and lower in a sentence while in BE it´s an up and down in pitch.

 

Since German has no strict word order as English, we often indicate intonation by changing word order, e.g.

"Kommen Sie mal in mein Büro, Frau Meier?" (standard)

"Frau Meier, kommen sie mal in mein Büro?" (the stress is on "Frau Meier", it sounds more as an order)

 

or even:

"Frau Meier, sie kommen mal in mein Büro" (since you make a declaration sentence out of a question you leave Frau Meier no choice)

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Hello everyone, I am a new member and also a German wife (married to an American male). I just read the whole thread, and I was a bit amused about how "we" (as in "we German wives") are being seen by you.

 

I will show this thread to Hubby tonight, surely he will have much amusement with it (also I foresee him saying "see, so I was right", because quite often this or that point came up in our 9 years).

 

I was already 40 years old when I left Germany to move into the States. Before that I had only been abroad for holidays, like 3 weeks in Italy, Austria or Denmark or so. You get the point. I am as German as can be, at least that is what I think of myself. And of course I am right! Usually I am! But hey, if in rare cases I actually make a mistake, I will have no problem to admit that I was wrong. Really! Just - usually I am right! That is just a fact, sorry guys!

 

About that shaving: I will never ever comprehend why (young) women are brainwashed into thinking this is anything good. I am 46, so you can imagine there is nothing shaved from me. But I am not hairy at all, so maybe that is also a factor. I have a friend who is 9 years younger, and she is of another generation. She in fact will shave her pubic hairs, and I don't get why. In my opinion she is a victim of the cosmetic industry who is brainwashing women into buying their products (razors, creams, lotions, itch creams and what not).

 

Don't get me wrong: I am a cosmetic nut myself! I will spend a lot for creams for face, hair and body if I think that product is right for me. Actually, nothing from a store will be good enough for me, it must be from 2 certain french brands which are not available on the US market. I am mail-ordering their stuff online and having the products sent to my sister (who still is in Germany), then she will forward that in one of her next care-parcels. (Since Hubby's claim "We are America - we have everything" turned out untrue, because a lot of essentails cannot be bought in the USA, we have to import a lot of grocery (food and cosmetics) from Germany, thanks to my dear sister we actually can.)

 

And let me add to shaving chapter: yes, we Germans think "he who likes shaved vulvae is into 6-9 year-olds, because only they have no hair". This is not my invention, this is a very common thought among Germans of my generation (I am 46 now)

 

Interesting to learn about the different tones in English voices. Is that in British English? Or also in Americans? Because I have never noticed that here.

 

I have had a weird exchange with my American mother-in-law some days ago, that I would like to share (I know OT, but indirectly fits in): somehow the conversation went into phonecalls and how she recently called her son (my Hubby) at his office and how she was asked by that phone-girl who she was. Somehow it seemed to me she found that not appropriate, she was expecting to be put through without questioning. Now she stepped into my pet peeve about American unculture of phonecalls (that would fill another thread if I would describe that!), so I just said that she was of course wrong and that of course you need to identify yourself first where-ever and whoever you call. Then I followed giving the whole rant about how I will not have anyone be connected without the proper manners etc. She replied with a (typical American!!!) fake laughter, and I knew then, I had made a mistake. She was insulted by my truth, or at least was not used to that. I pretended to not notice and we changed the subject.

 

Up to that point (fake laughter) during that conversation I had no idea she would take it that way. I clearly had no intention to insult her. I actually was trying to help her, by explaining to her where she was wrong! But I guess, this very German approach of helping others is constantly being misunderstood. You would rather hear all untrue nonsense. Which I hate.

 

Don't tell me that I look pretty when I know my hair is hanging down in a bad way and I should lose at least 40 pounds. I know I am smart, so compliment me on what I think is true. But compliments on my clothes or my looks are so phony and therefore will be rejected (and you then as well!).

 

Before I close, may I add a historic thing maybe you Anglos don't know of: the Germanic wife is bossy, always has been. Tacitus, a roman reporter (we would call him reporter nowadays!) travelled through the northern germanic areas and wrote down all those outrageous, scandalous things he saw and heard. Obviously, he would not report on things he would know from home (Rome) and therefore would consider "normal". Right?

 

At his time (around 50 CE, I think) Roman wives were better slaves. Sure, they were above regular slaves, but they had no legal rights really, I think they could not vote and have public offices. They might have been even property of their husbands (not 100% sure, but I tend to believe that).

 

Now, this Roman treporter travels through the lands that are now northern Germany and southern Denmark, and he watches these bears of men (germanic warriors) come home to their wives and obey them. Yes, these germanic men even consulted with their wives about decisions, these wives had to say something. That was unknown to this Roman, and therefore he wrote about it.

 

While there are of course also cases of abuse among Germans (there are absolutely German women who will marry a guy who abuses them), I tend to think the regular ("normal") marriage is of the old pattern. The wife will have the last word, the wife will lead the guy. Germanic men are usually calm in their temper, at least when it is with their wives. Exceptions will confirm the rule.

 

And yes, it is purely out of convenience to hide behind the husband's back and say "I am just the wife, my husband decided this" when they really made him decide that way (whatever that decision might have been). The old trick is: let him think it was HIS idea... make him believe he is the king, the decider!

 

Any comments?

 

 

You are my (German) girlfriend in 20 years. Can we meet so I can see what I have to look forward to? It might save a lot more time and energy in the long run ... :lol:

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Haha, I am not sure whether this was a complimant or not (I guess I am proving the accusation true that indeed we Germans cannot handle compliments or even recognize them when they come).

 

I would invite you for dinner (seriously!), because despite the joke, I am sure you have a good point.

You said "girl-friend", not "wife", so maybe you have not made up your mind yet whether or not you really want to marry her. And maybe talking to Hubby rather than me would be leading you in one direction (or the other, who knows).

But I seem you are in Berlin, so I guess it won't happen.

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Yer I met my German girl in a pub in Australia, im a New Zealander and we went on a date and drank Japaneese beer... that was that lifes been sweet since... her visa expired .. so I decided to leave my money for nothing 100k per year job and come to Germany for a year... lifes been great.. now were planning our return to Australia so she can study.. its expensive but will be worth it to be able to walk on the beach everynight after work.

Shes great, straight up, doesnt fish for compliments.

A "real" person eh, not to focused on make up n shit but still likes to look good

LIFES GREAT

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And yes, it is purely out of convenience to hide behind the husband's back and say "I am just the wife, my husband decided this" when they really made him decide that way (whatever that decision might have been). The old trick is: let him think it was HIS idea... make him believe he is the king, the decider!

 

 

This reminds me of a line...I think it was from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"

 

"The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck. She can make him turn whichever way she likes"....or something like that...

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And yes, it is purely out of convenience to hide behind the husband's back and say "I am just the wife, my husband decided this" when they really made him decide that way (whatever that decision might have been). The old trick is: let him think it was HIS idea... make him believe he is the king, the decider!

 

Any comments?

 

 

Hairy and bossy. Terrific. Why did I decide to live here? <_<

 

However, if a girl can convince a man of something that she wants without having to be a pain in the ass about it, then there's nothing wrong with that. In my experience however, German girls will argue over tiny things, which over time just results in me dumping them. I can't take the headache of it all.

 

Pick your battles; see the bigger picture; know when something's worth arguing about.

 

I've had a few ex-gf's now in germany, and what would drive me nuts is their completely irrational behaviour in an argument, all the while - like you - assuming they're right. As it happened like this only with my german gf's and not very often with say my canadian / british ones, I draw a loose stereotype here about german girls. there are always exceptions, I just haven't met one yet.

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Frank #134: I mean both languages. What you say about BE is true--Americans are famous for their monotone terseness, the Irish,particularly in Cork, literally sing their conversations, the Brits are somewhere in between. But all English speakers grow up expecting a certain short melody, or melody phrase, in certain specific situations, which I do not hear coming from German-speakers. My girlfriend uses the same tone of voice and loudness both to call me to dinner and to begin an argument. This, to an English-speaker gets confusing, annoying, or even provokes exasperation. But nobody is at fault here, it's a cultural divide which needs to be taken into consideration by both sides. It might be very difficult for Germans to learn these melodic phrases and their appropriate situations, because the English-speakers themselves are not aware of them particularly until they come to Deutschland and find them missing! English-speakers in Deutschland will have to figure out a way of dealing with their German friends who haven't the clue. I never even noticed this until I came onto this topic and started reading all these great responses, and began to realize just how much difference exists between the two cultures.

This topic is very good for all to read, so long as they don#t take things personally, which is the first lesson to be learned from this topic. It's not YOU. It's not the girl/boyfriend. It's a cultural divide that must be dealt with, and perhaps the German way of open confrontation is the best way to deal with it all. Germans (women) will get some very valuable insight into themselves by reading these texts and keeping an open mind. The English speakers, as stated will learn that ITS NOT YOU (or your girlfriend) and that foreign customs and norms are not foreign HERE. Us English speakers also can turn these comments around and see how our German hosts view US. It is not pretty sometimes, but the truth is that cultures all have unique ways of dealing with social interaction, which have to be learned by foreigners and taken into account by natives when dealing with strangers who have not internalized social norms that are learned through example from Mothers rather than set down in stone in some rulebook.

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I have dated an East German for the past year and a half here in Texas. It has been difficult dealing with cultural differences and the homesickness. Living with a person from another country is not just about culture, its about personality and character. The German character, especially in women, is very strong and confident (compared to most American women). Compliments mean little but gestures like flowers or cooking dinner mean more. They are more about showing instead of saying. This is also how they show they like you. If you are a person who likes compliments or who likes to take care of someone, a German is very hard to be with. In the 21st century, and more city minded people will like independent, confident, honest women. They are not the small town, talk behind your back/nice to your face get married at 16 and go to church 5 nights of the week gals. Its refreshing and challenging living with a German. They question they way we live as men and Americans but listen to our reasons for our way of life also. If you are looking for a forward thinking, intelligent and very rationale person and German women is perfect. They are very trustworthy and honest-brutally honest, and have an opinion which is not always what goes with the flow. Smart, committed people apply only.

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