Franky Stainz seeks posse

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Not really sure where I'm going to settle, but the odds are quite good it will be Munich. If that's the case, then I need to begin the process of forming my posse.

 

Now, I'm not really sure what the posse forming potential is in Bavaria, and Munich in particular. I suspect it is perhaps a bit lower than other places where I have successfully formed posses, but really do I need 1,000 candidates or just six or seven solid posse members? The latter. What do I mean when I say "posse?" If you don't know and are unable to find out given the ubiquity of Google and convenient tools like the Urban Dictionary, then you are already excluded from this rigorous posse-forming process as unfit and unworthy.

 

I am a very big fan of the classic (perhaps THE classic) guy film "The Magnificent Seven" as well as a fan of the original Kurosawa "Seven Samurai." The best way, but perhaps the most time-consuming and therefore unrealistic way to form my posse is to recruit gunslingers and or samurai to defend a village and drive off the bandits. If you are familiar with the two afore-mentioned movies, you know that not all of the seven return. Of course, *I* will return because I am Yul Brynner and/or Takashi Shimura. (If you don't know who Takashi Shimura is, don't worry. I had to look it up on IMDB. You are still in the running for potential posse member.) I am the protagonist here. I can't die.

 

Let's keep the village/bandit thing on the table.

 

What do I require in potential posse members? What qualities?

 

I'm going to break this down into two categories: Imperatives and Blue Sky.

 

Imperatives (must-haves):

 

-- Sense of humor (no, I mean a REAL sense of humor. Almost pathological, but high quality)

-- Stamina (for fist fighting, staying up late, and sports)

-- Some athletic ability in some manly discipline

-- Must be a guy (now let me briefly address the gender issue. I am a very, very progressive person and there was a time when I believed that women, could in fact be friends with men and this man, me, in particular. And I still believe that. But, we're talking about a posse here. A posse goes beyond friendship. These are the people who you must rely on in tense and difficult situations. It's not that a woman lacks the abilities to excel in such situations. It's just that even if I can approach a posse situation from a purely platonic perspective, there is no guarantee that the other posse members can. And if you allow one female, you should probably allow two, because women need company. But then, why not three? Fine. But now the tone of the posse has changed. It's not a BAD posse, but is it the BEST posse? I don't think so. Ladies, you cannot join my posse. BTW, gentleman who have successfully integrated females into their posses, I stand in awe of you and I salute you. You are better men than I. What is the secret?).

-- Out of the box. Not only must you be out of the box, you must revile the box. You must depise conformity, and loathe collaboration.

-- A sturdy pair of shoes

-- Profanity. I like poo-poo talk. You should too because I love to drop f-bombs. And I will.

-- Must respect Frank Gorshin. This is not negotiable.

-- Franky is not my real name, but you will be calling me Franky

 

Blue Sky (like to have):

 

-- Spelunking

-- Skilled wingman

-- Love of GOOD beer

-- Well read, well traveled, just... well

-- Bike

-- Rollerskates (quads)

-- A fortress, hideout, HQ of some sort

-- Skills

-- Street cred

-- Armageddon-secure underground storage chamber filled with snacks and beverages. In the event of zombie holocaust, meteorite, or mega tsunami.

-- Internets

 

Now, it's not important that you be just like me. In fact, you should NOT be just like me.

 

So, about me: I am an American male, early 40's, but here's the catch... I'm in crazy good shape and don't always like to hang out with people my own age, because, in my view, most people have simply given up by age 25. That doesn't mean I have any age requirements. If you're 90 or 19, that's not a deal-breaker, but you have to be bringing some of that special posse chemistry to the table. I don't want to hang with a bunch of 19 year-olds or 90 year-olds, but a mixture could be explosively good. I am very, very active. Mentally, physically. Some people are just alive and paying attention, know what I mean? And others just show up. Or don't show up at all.

 

I'm also a tech guy, but an art fag as well. BTW, sexual orientation is not a deal-breaker either. If you're a gay dude and want to get busy with my sweet, sweet man-carriage, that's just too bad because I am like 99.9% heterosexual. Yeah, that .1% is maybe very gay, but that rarely manifests itself and certainly not in the way that most people think of when they think of homosexuality, aka the entire fondling another man's junk which is right, right, right out. But if YOU'RE gay and solid posse material, but can come to terms with the fact that you can never, ever, ever possess me as a sexual plaything, then I'm cool with you.

 

Never.

 

Seriously.

 

That's just not going to happen.

 

Uh, what else?

 

Nationality? Not an issue. Religion? Not an issue. Race? Not an issue. The more diverse, the better. I loves me some beautiful rainbow world of happy Small World peeps. Bring your turban, bring your strange melanin-rich intimidatingly exotic complexion into this posse. There's a place for you.

 

Horst Buchholz was German, but they cast his ass as a Mexican. It didn't matter. Because when Eli Wallach showed his stumpy, pink ass in Magnificent Seven Town, El Horste lit it up with the same race-blind lead pellets that the other Magnificents used for their pistols and such. I'm not going to be checking your green card when we're waist deep in the shit, fellows. It's all good.

 

Now it might be weeks before this posse fully comes together, and it WILL be weeks if done right. And, of course, any additions to the posse will require the approval of other posse members. Because, after all, everyone is going to have to spend time with everyone else.

 

In the end though, I am not demanding for my own needs, but rather I have respect for the art of posse forming. Properly forming a posse is something that everyone should aspire to and successfully complete within their lifetimes. Perhaps many times over, if possible. Sure, I can make friends. Making friends is EASY. But a posse? That's something special.

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Ladies, you cannot join my posse. BTW, gentleman who have successfully integrated females into their posses, I stand in awe of you and I salute you. You are better men than I. What is the secret?

I've been part of a male posse. The secret is that the female (me) doesn't want to have sex with ANY of you. She is only there because she enjoys "typical male" pursuits, and would rather be dead than be in a knitting circle with a bunch of nasty felines.

 

Enjoy your posse. I think the only thing you've forgotten is the ritual male drumming. Kumbaya... ;)

 

[it's a joke. Please refer to Fire in My Belly, need relief! :P]

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Frankys, that was hysterical. Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle and belly laugh. Do you have a book for sale?

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I am a very big fan of the classic (perhaps THE classic) guy film "The Magnificent Seven" as well as a fan of the original Kurosawa "Seven Samurai." The best way, but perhaps the most time-consuming and therefore unrealistic way to form my posse is to recruit gunslingers and or samurai to defend a village and drive off the bandits. If you are familiar with the two afore-mentioned movies, you know that not all of the seven return.

Don't think you're man enough myself. These seven always solve the crimes and always all come back. And they can form a mixed-gender posse without shagging each other.

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Ladies, you cannot join my posse.

:(

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@ericsson

 

Holy shit, that posse has chicks AND a dog. That's impressive.

 

I mean if we're totally, totally just opening this up to the realms of fiction and such then I would not only add a dog, some ladies, but also a velociraptor and a cyborg.

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I think my male friends found my presence useful for picking up chicks in clubs. Think about it, Franky... a posse of men can be pretty scary to your average female in a bar. You need a chick friend to bait more chicks for yourself. Why set strict limits? I thought you were trying to think out of the box, and stuff. :rolleyes:

 

Now I'm off to do some touch up painting on my super manly 4x4 vehicle, before it goes into the container ship. Really, not kidding. *beats on chest and howls*

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Real men don't do posses. :rolleyes:

 

However, best post in a long long time.

:lol:

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Moonboot, we can form a posse, I even have a dog for us.

yes, a rival posse.

franky will so regret not letting us in :mellow:

bring on the turf war franky!

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We require dangerous shoes with spiky heels to maim and kill. No fistfights here. It's street warfare lady-style.

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>> Do you have a book for sale?

 

Gimme a week. "Forming a Posse: A Franky Stainz Primer." Let's say about 10 Euros. I'll get back to you.

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a week's a long time in Posse town.

keep the book, we'll manage.

 

yes spiky heels that look hot and maim fatally.

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Isn't a female posse a possee?

Feminine forms are so passé.

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