Worst jokes ever

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There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and

 

 

swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.

 

 

There are only 36 legs.HOW??

 

 

Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

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There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy jumps inside and

 

 

swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.

 

 

There are only 36 legs.HOW??

 

 

Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

 

 

If it weren't for the Indian English leaking out all over the place, I'd confuse this humor for being German.

-- Ah, Fritz, you forgot to carry the one, you crack me up ! --

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alright bell, this is it. no more comments.

 

Ha! That's the best one yet. :D

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Lobster walks into a bar and says to the barman "I'd like a pint of bitter please."

 

The barman says "Get out, you're barred."

 

The lobster says "Why?"

 

The barman says "You were in here last week, givin' it all that."

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Jokes that need hand gestures don't work very well via type.

 

Sort of -

 

Whats one of these?

A dead one of them!

 

 

Pretty funny if you can see my hands (and are about 8) but otherwise?

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I hope not a repeat little Johnny joke, but here goes

 

It was show and tell at school and the theme was gardening. The teacher holds up a rake and the little girl in the front row identified it immediately and said "Teacher, that is a rake, my dad uses that in our garden". Very good replied the teacher. Next she holds up a hoe and room is silent, no one has seen this tool before. Finally the teacher explains that it is a Hoe and little johnny exclaimed, "That ain't no HO my sister doesn't look anything like that".

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Ooh, little Johnny jokes!!

 

Teacher asks the class what they did over Guy Falkes weekend.

 

Johnny puts his hand up and says "we went round putting bangers up cats arses"

 

Teacher - "How awful, and it would be better to say rectum"

 

"Damn right it rectum - blew em to pieces"

 

[Learnt that at about age 12]

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Okay, I'm back. Here's another godawful joke:

 

The Drowning Dog

A couple were walking their dog along the beach and it was having a great time running into the sea and fetching the ball which the guy was throwing for it. After a particularly enthusiastic throw, the couple realise Rover was slowly swimming back toward them but not getting any closer. Poor Rover was caught in a current and he couldn't get back. The couple are going frantic as they watch him getting more and more tired. A crowd of worried onlookers soon gathers; no one is doing anything and Rover's head keeps bobbing dangerously under the water. The guy shouted himself hoarse and the woman is in tears by now.

 

Suddenly, out of the blue, a German tourist starts sprinting down the beach like a tornado on speed. He's flinging clothes aside as he runs, shouting "Out of my vay! Out of my vay!" in a strong commanding voice. The crowd parts to let him through and he dives into the sea like an Olympic swimmer. The German then powers his way through the waves and grabs our hapless hound as the poor mutt was going down for the last time. Then, with the dog under one arm, and against the current, our Teutonic hero swims back to the shore and lays Rover down on the beach.

 

But the dog is not breathing.

 

The German is not done yet - he starts CPR on the dog. After a couple of tense minutes of compressions and blowing air into the dog's nose, Rover leaps up, coughs up a load of seawater and trots back to its elated owners. The crowd cheers and the German slumps onto the sand, exhausted.

 

The woman comes to his side and, still fighting back tears, tries to find the words to thank him. "Oh, thank you, thank you. I don't know what to say, how did you know how to do that? What are you, a Vet?"

 

"Ya" replies the German, panting "I'm f*cking soaking!"

 

:P

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh, God, that was awful. Yeah, I know. Hat, coat, gone. :(

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Two vampires meet in a bar. One is dipping a used sanitary napkin into a glass of hot water. The other asks, "What the hell are you doing"? Says the first vampire, "I've got a head cold and I'm brewing tea."

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My mum has just told me this!!!

 

A nun goes to the doctors feeling unwell. The doctor tells her she is pregnant. She says that this is impossible. However, she returns to the Abbey and sends for the monks. When they are all gathered in the room she says "right, which one of you bastards has been wanking over the candles."

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Two nuns in the bath, ones says "Where's the soap" The other one says "Yes it does a bit".

 

Two parrots sitting on a perch , one says "Can you smell fish"?

 

Two cows standing in a field. One says "So what do you think about this Mad cow disease then" Other one says "Don't care. I'm a Zebra"

 

Two dogs sitting outside. One says "Hows your leg". Other ones says "Fuck me! A talking dog".

 

 

 

Enough already :)

 

 

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