Worst jokes ever

5,352 posts in this topic

I think you will find the Bill Gates chicken did not actually manage to cross the road on its first attempt.

 

A penguin beat it there even though most people have no idea how the penguin got across the road.

 

We are still waiting for the apple to bother to cross the road.

 

Anything the apple or the penguin will *eventually* be copied by the chicken!

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Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me

in six months.

Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get !

 

A Happy Boss tells his employees:

You worked very hard this year. As a reward, I 'll give everyone a

check for Rs 5000. If you work with the same zeal next year, I'll

sign those checks.

 

Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was

300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

 

What's the difference between pleasure and torture?

Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of

you too much.

 

God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother.

Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a

mother-in-law.

 

Life is a paradox-what u want u don't get(luv), what u get, u

don't njoy(marriage), what u njoy is not permanent(girlfriend), what

is permanent is boring(wife)

 

An SMS : Sincere Apology: If u dont like any of my SMS n dont

like 2 read, then plz dont hesitate, feel free to....

throw ur mobile !!

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SMART SENTENCES

 

1. God is real, unless declared integer

 

2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.

 

3. Death is hereditary.

 

4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.

 

5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

 

6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

 

7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

 

8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

 

9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

 

10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

 

11. Well done is better than well said.

 

12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.

 

13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

 

14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

 

15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.

 

16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

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This one is real bad...

 

 

 

 

a doctor is examining his patient for some infection....

but suddenly the infection gets transferred from the patient to the doctor....why????//

 

 

becos the patient has a bluetooth

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if that was bad, this one is kinda better.

 

A dumb cat was trying to climb a wall. But every time he tried he would clip and fall . . why

 

Ok the answer now.

 

The cat was dumb. So he could not mew

Now mew (mu) is the coefficient of friction.

 

If there is not friction he would definitely slip and fall.

 

...

Learn to think guys.

 

 

 

 

---- we have to attain an altogether different level to think like this :D

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I think you win.

 

Those are some really shite jokes.

 

 

 

 

u bet. its supposed to be a worst jokes post.

 

Yep, and you win for posting the worst jokes. Not only weren't they funny, but I'm not sure they are even jokes.

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Yeah, crap jokes are still supposed to be funny, just in a crap way.

 

Man goes to a doctor with really bad sunburn.

 

Doctor gives him some burn cream and Viagra

 

Man says "Thanks for the cream, but why the Viagra?"

 

Doc replies "Just to keep the sheets off you tonight"

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Apparently the latest drug cocktail is Viagra mixed with Prozac.

 

That way if you don't get a fuck, you don't give a fuck...

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I have heard (only by hearsay you understand. Not personal knowledge or anything) that using viagra is like going to Disney world.

 

A 3 hour wait for a 2 minute ride!

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Yep, and you win for posting the worst jokes. Not only weren't they funny, but I'm not sure they are even jokes.

 

Maybe if they were in english...

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yes alien, bad jokes are funny. in a crap way.

 

for example.

there were 3 apples on a tree. an elephant came and ate just one...

does any one know why ?

This is so ridiculous.

Then answer is " the other 2 were of plastic "

Thats how crappy it can get...

 

just let me know if u want more of these funny crappy jokes :D

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rather an old one from (I think) Ogden Nash:

 

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me . . .

. . . . than a frontal lobotomy

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@av.raghu You seem to have misread the thread title it does say JOKES in there.

 

 

But if we are doing crappy elephant jokes-

 

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

 

How does and elephant get out of the tree?

Stands on a leaf and waits for Autumn.

 

How does and elephant get down from a tree?

You get down from a duck not a tree!

 

How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?

There are footprints in the butter!

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nice steven..

 

there was a man going in a boat. he had just one cigarette and no matches.

how does he light his cigarette ?

 

he throws the cigarette up in the air, now the boat becomes lighter.. he uses the lighter to light his cigarette.

lol :P

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How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?

Your nose is touching the ceiling

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In order to avoid claims of corruption, it is now forbidden to send gift baskets to government officials for Easter.

 

When news of this recent development reached California, a secretary asked the governor:

 

- Sir, does this mean you hate Easter now?

- No, I still love Easter, baby...

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A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..

 

 

My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said

 

 

another.

 

 

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

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