Worst jokes ever

5,344 posts in this topic

My sister just told me this:

Doctor: You will have to stop masturbating

Man: Why is that?

Doctor: I am trying to examine you.

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A nun comes rushing into the Mother Superior's office shouting "Mother! Mother! We've just discovered a case of syphillus in the convent"

 

To which the mother Superior replies: "Thank God! I was getting sick of the Beaujolais!"

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A British Spy is being questioned by the Gestapo and all he will say is "Tick, Tick" and they say "We have way's of making you Tock" B)

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Q) What do you get if you if you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

A) A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth :)

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In the same vein...

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs pinned to the wall?

 

Art.

 

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in a pool?

 

Bob.

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Man walks into Boots, "I´d like a deodorant please.".

Shop assistant says "certainly sir, ball or aerosol?".

Man says, "neither, it´s for under my arms!".

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What do you get when you cross an accountant and a large jet plane? A boring 747.

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Inspired by I'm thinking of getting my legs cut off:

 

Did you hear about the man who had no legs?

 

He was kicked off the bus for bumming around.

Personally I think that is SICK. Considering that the OP of the thread might be mentally ill and in need of help.

All you can do is make this SICK joke. It disgusts me. I will report it for bad taste.

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Staying on the theme

 

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who swims across the pool?

 

A clever dick.

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Q: What's black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?

A: A nun with a spear through her head!

______________________________________________________________________

Q: What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?

A: A roaming catholic.

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Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?

A: They take the psycho path.

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Q: What do you call two men hanging from a window?

A: Curt and Rod.

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Q: What do you find in a clean nose?

A: Fingerprints.

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Q: What do you call a Jamaician proctologist?

A: Pokemon.

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Q: Why did the Eskimo wash his clothes in Tide?

A: Because it was too cold outtide.

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Two morons sit on a rock.

One moron fell off.

Why didn't the other one fall off?

He was a little more on.

______________________________________________________________________

Q: Why is a fire truck red?

A: If someone pulled your hose, you'd turn red, too!

______________________________________________________________________

Q: Where does a king keep his armies?

A: Up his sleevies.

______________________________________________________________________

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in the laundry.

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Two morons sit on a rock.

One moron fell off.

Why didn't the other one fall off?

He was a little more on

This being TT, that should have been:

Two morans sit on a rock

One moran fell off"

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