Worst jokes ever

5,364 posts in this topic

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

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Which Superhero is the best at cricket?... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Batman.

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My wife and I are trying for a baby and her Mother has agreed to help out ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... just until I get hard.

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Yesterday I bought a wombat.

Today I bought a womble.

Tomorrow we're going to play a nice game of wom.

 

 

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I went out with somebody from the local school last night.

Teacher?

There was no need - she was well experienced!

 

 

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I asked my mate to bring me back something Cuban from his holiday in Havana.

He got me a Fidel Castro T shirt, clothes but no cigar.

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My mate used to say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  Then he started taking steroids and died.

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English Heritage have put up a plaque on the house of the first UK dental hygienist.

 

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1 hour ago, hooperski said:

FOR SALE.

Dignitas Loyalty Card, one stamp.

Brill, Just brill.

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It was my wife's 50th birthday and she was trying to convince everyone that age hadn't taken it's toll.

She told us "I can still touch my toes".

I thought to myself, I don't know if it counts if it's with your tits.

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A man arrives at a fancy dress party completely naked with a female on his back.

The host asks "What have you come as?"  The man answers "A Turtle". 

The host then asks "Who is that on your back?",  the man replies "That's Michelle".

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For months I've been buying watches and wear all of them when I go out, my wife says I have too much time on my hands.

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My older brother threatened to fart on my head, didn't expect him to follow through.

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News coming in of a cheese factory exploding in France.  All that was left was de Brie.

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