LauraHH

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About LauraHH

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  • Location Hamburg
  • Nationality Argentinean
  1. Hi all,  Sorry I did not show up again. I was feeling worse and worse so I did not wish to engage with anything or anyone. But now I just wanted to thank all of you that reached out, and give you an update.  Luckily a week or two after this post I was able to get an urgent appointment with a Psychiatrist who ended up changing my antidepressants, since the ones i was taking were clearly not working. He also wrote me off on sick leave, which I took since I honestly could not work  any longer.  I was debating just quitting if I had to go back (was still feeling like crap), but didnt need to, at the end of my sick leave (the Psychiatrist was going to extend it anyway, as I still was not ok at all), I ended up getting fired.  However, the new antidepressants have done the trick, I am feeling much better. And what is even better .. shortly after being fired i ended up getting another job offer. I was able to have some time off in between jobs, and that was very good ,  it gave time for the drugs to work, and for me to get better.  I was also finally able to get a therapist, mainly in German, but i like her.   I am really grateful and appreciate a lot how well this turned out ... It is so hard to get out of my head, and that self loathing loop i go into. Thankfully my partner was very supportive, and i was able to get help. I am still working on it, since it is not always easy, and since i know though antidepressants help, i also need to work on stopping my head of going there. 
  2. Hi,  I am an Argentinian, with EU citizenship, i moved to Germany (Hamburg) in October, for a job. I started on November 1st  2020. So I 4 months into the job, still on probezeit.  About 3 years ago I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with depression, medicated and did therapy. At that time I could work through it, as I was confortable in my job (been there for a while, could do my tasks with little effort, and it helped distract me). My issue was mainly with very low self esteem, too much pressure on what i "should do" and feeling completely worthless and useless. But i managed to get out of that headspace, and was doing pretty well.     But i guess moving countries, corona, and a new job took its toll...  For the past 2 months i have been feeling increasingly worse ,about a month ago I went to a GP and got her to prescribe my antidepressants again. I have been doing phone therapy with my therapist back home. But I am still feeling like crap. I can not work. Thinking about it brings me to tears, i am not confortable at all as i am not familiar with the tasks at all yet. I dont know anyone personally since i started in Corona time. So i have no colleagues to "copy from" and see how they work. I think i can really not do this job.  I guess my depression makes my mind go in a loop of 'i cant do this, i dont know how to this, i cant do this, i dont know how to do this"... on and on, so i end up doing nothing and crying.  I want to quit, as i dont feel like i can face it. But i only think that will only make my self esteem issues worse, since then i will be empty...    If i go to my GP or  a psychiatrist, would the write me off sick? I guess they would, but i believe this will only get me fired right? since i am still in probezeit...  If i manage to hold on until may 1st, and probezeit is over, and go on sick leave then... Same thing could happen right?    I really dont know what to do, feel so useless, and bad... i can not focus at all.    I guess i struggle between the fact that just looking at my inbox makes me cry, or thinking about what i have to do and dont know how to do makes me sleepless... and feeling a complete failure for not being able to do it. Feeling like a fake...  If i quite i fear i will lose it completly.. but at the same time i cant do anything...   Thanks for the advice.