SS Dave

When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone whom I didn't even know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had just spoken to me! I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life. The dead bastard had an identical twin!

At a wedding ceremony, the priest asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back."

So one villager reaches the doctor's clinic looking very despondent. Doc: What're you here for? Villager: The vasectomy camp. D: Oh ok. How many kids do you have? V: None. I am not even married!! D (shocked) : Then why do you want a vasectomy? V: Every man in the village got it done over the last few years. Now whenever their wives conceive, they come and beat me up.

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He is from India and is very concerned about my computer.