SS Dave

Just been in Supermarket. Saw a fella whose trolley was full to the brim with hand sanitizers, baby wipes, soaps, everything that people need I called him a selfish bastard ...and gave him a low down about the elderly and mums etc..who need these types of things. Told him he should be bloody ashamed of himself... He said: “that’s all good and well mate but can I carry on filling the shelves now, I work here?”....

A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room. "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window of your hotel" Manager: "Sir, that's a personal matter." Husband: "The f*cking window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"

This guy wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she dating someone. One day he got frustrated and said, "I will give you $100 if you let me screw you". She said No, he said "I will be fast, I will throw the money on the floor, you bend down to pick it up, and I will be done by the time you pick it up". So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "ask him for $200 and pickup the money really fast, he wont even have time to drop his pants". So she agrees. Half an hour goes past and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call back, finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls her and asks her what happened. She responds, "the Fvckn arsehole used coins!"