Acton

  The founding fathers.

The same guy who told us to make our own Haggis! Are you a butcher, slammer?

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy. "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor. "I’ll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you," I said. Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. "Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked. "Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV." "Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed – ain’t nobody under there now!"

John, the quality is awful and I wish he'd stop saying fu*******g all the time.

Reminds me of a vacation I had once in Maine, USA-

I agree Bramble. Thanks.. Of course, there are cats and other cats right`?   https://www.itemfix.com/v?t=5xdcws

Any tips? I saw one on Utube yesterday. Not sure if it's authentic though.   https://www.itemfix.com/v?t=c8bsr3

Welcome to Germany-

Thanks, but no wiser

I don't know either!

Three women are about to be executed for crimes… Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards bring the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

It's quite amazimg how a professional footballer can't kick a ball into the goal area. What do these people practise every day?

Open Spam thread PLEASE!

It's arrived! In time for Hogmanay!

Finally found Haggis on this site. They can deliver fresh frozen To Berlin before New Year's Eve!   https://www.haggis.de/produkte/?p=1

Never underestimate an ostrich!!   https://www.itemfix.com/v?t=dfyou1