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About TheSpin

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  • Location Friedberg, Hessen
  • Nationality American
  1. Court wants backpayment of 15 years child support

    This has been mentioned but not really spelled out.  I might not be correct with this, but this is how I "hope" the law works.   You cannot be asked to back pay child support normally if nobody has filed for it, but in this case the mother filed for child support on her own with the government.  Therefore, a request for child support was made even though it wasn't made to you directly.  This means you incurred a debt with the government as they were essentially paying support on your behalf.   The amount you actually have to pay back might not yet be set in stone.  It might take your own income and family responsibilities into account, so if that information hasn't been provided to the government yet, then maybe a lawyer could help reduce the debt or get a payment plan in place or something.   Also...the mother is technically requesting child support on behalf of her child as the person who is responsible for the child.  So theoretically she's advocating on behalf of her child that the child requires child support.  This doesn't really change anything, but I think it's a point worth mentioning.   Finally, now that you are back in her life... you may be able to reclaim your role as father in terms of being able to also look out for her well-being.  At the age of 15 the daughter can decide which parent to live with, not the mother.  Unless the mother went through the court system to take away your custody completely, you might still be able to claim it and play a bigger role in her life regardless of what the mother wants.
  2. Can this be considered as fake marriage?

    The general consensus seems to agree with my perspective on this. A "fake marriage" is fake from the start, and that is not what has happened in the OP's post.     A marriage that began real and then becomes fake is basically... what happens in a lot of marriages (and sometimes they don't even end in divorce).  In fact, I would argue that their choice to separate but to actually work together to help each other prepare for that separation probably means they have a better relationship than many people who actually stay together.
  3. Legalities of washing your car in the street

    One apartment where I lived, the main concern was the water usage if someone was outside washing their car with 'shared' water.   In my experience, water alone can be a really good cleaner for a lot of things if you heat it up first... the hotter you can tolerate the better.  Washing with hot water can clean things like tree sap, and if it's just water I don't think you'd catch much aggro from others... unless of course it's sunday and somebody hears what you're up to... then you're breaking the ruhezeit.
  4. I can confirm the 6 week rule.  As far as I know (without knowing anything official) you can basically use the apartment however you like and have people stay over as you like as long as it's legitimate friends/family visitors and you aren't abusing it or making money off of it. Once someone stays for 6 weeks, you're required to inform the landlord and it could increase your portion of the utility costs when they calculate the utility settlement for the year. No idea about anything Lavender Rain said.. if that's true then I've never done any of that.
  5. Landlord refusing 10 potential Nachmieter...

    I think it's a bit odd that the lessor would be so interested in knowing the day you will move out... the apartment is yours if you've paid rent, so my response would be that I will have "moved out" when I'm no longer paying rent.  If she wants you out sooner, then she should not expect you to pay rent for that period.    Personally, I haven't found previous landlords very open to accepting a nachmieter so long as you still have a rental obligation.  They seem to be really picky until they are actually losing money.
  6. Glass shower door smashed - who should fix it?

    Basic rule of thumb is that you have an obligation to report any damage to the apartment to the landlord asap or else you can be held liable for the damage as negligence.  Once you report it to the landlord, sometimes it starts a debate as to which party is responsible (especially for things like mold).   Personal scenario... the door to my apartment is so low to the ground when it opens that a piece of thin cardboard (like from packaging material) barely slides under the door.   A tiny stone was caught under the door one day and when the door was opened it caused a scratch in the floor.  I reported this to the landlord right away.  He was a bit upset, but this scratch wouldn't lead to additional damage on its own so it's just been left there and when I move out he'll expect me to pay for it, and I'll argue that the door is so low that tiny things are frequently caught under the door and I'll try to claim it's normal wear and tear because the door is too low to the ground... no idea who will win, but at least I can make that argument since I reported it to him when it happened.
  7. I don't really know how things work in Germany, but I would think that you'd be able to contact the police and ask to be informed if you had been reported for any kind of crime.  If you never received a letter, you should still have the right to be informed of anything you've been accused of and choose to refute those charges.  Of course saying you didn't receive it and proving it might be 2 very different things. Also, I'm saying this as an American using my own common sense, and maybe German culture and common sense would see it differently. If you were reported... no matter how much of a mistake it was and no matter how honest you actually are, what you did was still technically shoplifting and as others mentioned above, I think you'd make a better impression on others by expressing sorrow for your mistake but also accepting ownership of what happened.
  8. Cancellation of an apartment rental contract

    @BorisM Where are you originally from?  The USA?  If yes, and you are no longer moving to Germany... even if technically you have that binding agreement to pay rent for 6 months, I don't think it would be cost effective for the landlord to take you to USA court to enforce your agreement and make you pay the rent, and if you don't live in Germany, I don't think any government will force you to go to Germany to argue something like this in a German court.  Even if you are liable for the rent, I'm not sure who would enforce it.  I don't really know, but it's just a thought I had while reading this...  of course you'd definitely lose any deposit if you took this route.. and it's questionable ethically to say the least, plus it could hurt any future possibility to move or even travel to Germany.
  9. @The King My lawyer did tell me that my travel expenses to and from work could be deducted from my net income when calculating child support.  Nobody's filed for anything yet in my divorce though so I haven't seen it first hand.
  10. OP - sorry for hijacking your thread.  Hopefully some of my comments and the responses from others somehow helped.   In my case, I know I am putting myself at some risk and taking some loss by not fighting for a few things right now.  Best case scenario I could get the court to agree that she owes me between 6000-9000 EUR, BUT she would absolutely have to file for child support if she owed me that kind of money and if I can agree to let it go and she doesn't file for child support for even a couple of years, it will be worth it.    Plus, the older the children get, the more choice they have in where they live, so if I just focus on being a great dad the 5/14ths of the time they are with me, they'll probably choose to live with me if my soon to be ex-wife hooks up with another man and wants to have more kids (which is the only situation where I suspect she'd ask for child support).
  11. Some of your comments, Dj, aren't true in Germany,  You can't file for child support retroactively here according to what I've read online and what the lawyer has said.  She could file and even if I had to pay at first, I could file for custody and the court would eventually decide... right now we have no official custody arrangement at all, but we have an unofficial arrangement where I get the kids about 5/14th of the time.  Techcnically, if I just don't let her have the kids right now, she can't take them from me , and she can do the same to me, but fighting against her on that level where we are both trying to leave early enough from work to be the first one to pick up the kids would just be chaos for the children, so I'm trying to be the bigger man... to change the official custody/residence one of us would have to go to court.  Basically, the custody, the splitting up of assets, and the actual divorce can be seen as 3 different legal cases.  The only thing that absolutely has to be included in the divorce is the splitting up of retirement because that affects whether or not one of us would have to live off of welfare from the government.   I didn't sign the tax return, but she filed through a tax-guy, and I didn't find out she'd filed it for months after it was paid.  The tax office said it was too late for them to do anything about it.  Since she filed with the help of a tax guy,  the finanzamt didn't need my signature (it's his job to ensure he has authority and it's him who would probably get in trouble if I took it to court).   Also, with spousal support, you can only get that during the 'separation phase' not after you're actually divorced (at least not for very long) and I do have a decent income, so I wouldn't get any spousal support from her... she just has much higher.  I haven't filed because she hasn't filed for child support.  I'm not really happy about how it's all turned out, but I can live with it.  She's going to sign over her USA 401k to me to offset some debt to me, and other than that she's barely making ends meet so if I fight her for more she'll definitely come after child support.   I'm not signing anything that says I won't come back later to fight for settlement of our stuff, so if she ever does ask for child support I'll fight for a larger portion of child custody and I'll also bring up the tax thing and any other thing I can think of... I have a great relationship with the kids, so if she remarries and gets pregnant, that's basically the only time she might ask for custody, but I think the kids would prefer to live with me if that happens.
  12.   I have a lawyer.  He's useless, and I wish I could fire him... but I have one, and I've already paid him.   Basically, the past doesn't matter much compared to the present.  Right now there's no official documentation that says the kids live with her or with me.  The kids go to school as if they live with her, but I could fight for custody... I just don't think I'd win.  The divorce has been a lot harder on me than it has on her, so she can put on a better show for the court (plus she's german and that alone gives her a huge edge when debating anything).   She's agreed not to ask for child support, but in exchange, I basically have to let her keep everything in the divorce... including my 2015 tax return, which she filed on her own without my knowledge when the tax documents were sent to my old address.  Even though she has agreed not to ask for it, we can't put anything in writing because the kids have a right to child support and no judge would ever officially say I don't have to pay it.  I absolutely want to support my kids... I just know that she makes plenty of money and any extra received from me would not go to the kids benefit (where it absolutely goes to the kids benefit now so I can afford an apartment where they have a place to sleep when they visit me.)
  13. to move or not to move(job offer)

    It is true that landlords can choose their tenants, and many might not want such a big family, so maybe it would be a challenge, but that doesn't mean it's not possible to find a place to live.  The income should be sufficient if you can find a place (I live 30 minutes away from Frankfurt and surely Munich is not any more expensive than Frankfurt).   If you're dealing with a 4 hour commute now, I'm guessing you could find something within a much smaller radius of Munich. but maybe it's good to find it first and move later if possible.  If you are in town now, I'd highly recommend you start searching for rentals... including actually meeting with people to see if they are open to a family of your size.
  14. I got my German license quite a while ago, but maybe my experience will be useful/interesting to others.   I'm from Utah.  My wife is German.  I moved to Germany and several months past... my Utah license expired, but I still had it with me.  I went to the German "DMV" when it expired to ask about getting a German license and they said they have an arrangement where they basically accept a Utah driver's license as qualification that I can drive.  In Germany, licenses don't (or didn't at the time) expire, so they didn't care that my license was expired.  They made me give them my Utah license, but they gave me a German one in exchange.  They told me I should go to some kind of first aid class, but I never went, and it's never been a problem.  Maybe if I was living in a bigger city at the time they would have handled it differently.  This was all in Bad Kreuznach, where I don't think they dealt with this kind of thing very often.   I think the state your license is from can make a difference.  If you don't have "residency" in a state in the USA it might be harder than you think to get a US driver's license.  You generally need to bring proof of residency to the DMV in the US to renew an expired license.
  15. I understand a bit where the OP is coming from because I'm also going through a divorce and could possibly be facing child support.  The bad thing in my situation is that I was the "at home" parent up until the kids started school and that's about when our marriage started falling apart.  When things were falling apart I didn't really have the support my wife had so she's now maneuvered herself into a position where she both has much higher income than me plus primary custody of the children.  Between her sex and her nationality (German) I know she'd win in a custody battle, so I'm just at her mercy.  For now she hasn't filed for support, but if she ever does there's nothing I can do about it.   If I had to pay child support, I wouldn't have enough income to provide a decent place for the kids when they are with me or enough money to actually do nice things with them.  I'm happy paying money to support my kids, but if my wife makes 1000 EUR more net per month plus gets full kindergeld, I just don't think it's right that I should have to pay money to her rather than just show that I am providing support directly to the kids.  I really only started working because we never had enough income to take the family back to the US on vacation, but my job ended up making me lose custody of the kids and gave her the ability to divorce me without any consequences on her end, plus she can still block me from taking them to the US, even if I somehow did find a way to afford it.   Anyway.. I just think folks should realize that being a good father in a divorce isn't just about paying child support.  They are the center of my world, and I have a lot to give them aside from money.