AfricanGal

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Posts posted by AfricanGal


  1. On 11.7.2019, 20:53:03, katheliz said:

    TL:DR if you don't have children or don't care.

    My first three children ended up all right, though I was a disaster as their mother when they were young.  Why?  Because I didn't discipline them; rather, I didn't teach them to discipline themselves. Jeez, I spanked them enough, but somehow that turned out not to result in self-discipline.  Huh.
    But since I started over when those three were teen-agers, I'd been able to recognize my deficiencies.  From the beginning, in the delivery room, I held Vierling and later Fuenfling and told them what good babies they were.  When they were old enough to reach for things on the no-no list, I'd hold a little wrist - this makes them look at you - and gently/firmly say, 'Not for a good boy.'  I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mother, so I could keep a constant eagle eye on them and stop behavior that might turn bad. I didn't have to use corporal punishment.  Besides, I now believed that children shouldn't have to be afraid that their parents will hurt them.
    So yes, I hovered like a helicopter, monitoring their behavior and always stressing that they were good boys and that 'We don't do that/say that.'  
    We spent a week in a Venetian pension when the boys were 8 and 3, and on the last day the concierge went through her bundle of passports twice, looking for ours.  I could see our blue US passports as she ruffled through, and on her third try I pointed them out.  'Oh!' she said, 'Your boys are so well-behaved, I thought you were German!' (This woman believed the myth of Germans' iron control of their children.)

    Little tricks, probably well-known to dog handlers:  you can get your child's attention with a whistle or a tongue click, useful if you're out of doors and don't want to yell your child's name.  A raised and shaken index finger can be a warning, or a shaken head, or both!  A smart pat on the top of a child's head can bring him to attention.  
    They were happy boys, easy teens, and now they're happy men, because they always took pride in being good instead of bearing the shame of being called bad.  And I can focus my guilt on having made the older children's childhoods unhappy.

    I do love this comment and every single letter, word or truth in it.

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  2. On 10.5.2019, 12:31:43, Metall said:

    @AfricanGal : Once you have found a modern machine, would you care to sell or give away the old DDR machine? I am looking for something simple and indestructible. :)

    I wish I had the chance to sell it, because it was worth some money, unfortunately I gave it to ex husband to take it to his father to repair it and he just threw it away..

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  3. On 3.2.2012, 14:01:14, Bron said:

    I've found another one: der kleine Schneiderladen which looks quite good. Both this one and Casa del Tessuti hire out sewing time on their machines.

     

    I can't do mornings, but an after work coffee and chat or show and tell could be fun.

     

    Regrading sewing space, I have my own machine and spread myself out over the entire house; I usually have at least four projects on the go. I bought the machine a few years ago when I had to have an operation and couldn't do any sport for a few weeks and it has been well worth it in my opinion. Next project: the perfect pair of work trousers (I am aware that this will take a lot of time).

    Which machine do you use @Bron, or you have any that you would recommend? I have been using a machine from the DDR, which was quite strong and good, but wanted to adjust to somethinf mordern, that can make together overlock, and buttonhole, however, many ,achines seem so weak and slow, something for beginners. I bought a singer brilliance, and it keeps swallowing threads. Can you please recommend me a relatively cheap(I know for a good one I have to invest) but strong and competent machine? Thank you, Aliya.

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  4. On 4/13/2019, 2:20:47, lisa13 said:

     

    that is patently false.

    On 4/13/2019, 2:20:47, lisa13 said:

     

    It surely could also  be right. Or should I have written "could be risking?" I have a friend of mine who's going thru this. From her neighbour's reports, note that shes always moving on eggshells because of this neighbour, that is, always controlling that her music is not anywhere closer to 5 volume loud, controlling her kids because they can't play and laugh loud and stuff, and Yeah, shes gotten many and many warnings that if these reports from neighbours continue going on, she is likely to vacate. So shes always making trips to Jugendamt to plead for herself and the kids. Because even the reporters do it anonymously!

    On 4/13/2019, 2:20:47, lisa13 said:
    On 4/13/2019, 10:23:16, LeonG said:

     

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  5. On 4/13/2019, 10:23:16, LeonG said:

    Growing up some decades ago, you could get yelled at or even spanked by the neighbour if you gave him lip or trespassed in his garden and your parents would shrug and say, shouldn't have done that, should you?  On the other hand, you could also get milk and cookies from the neighbour if you were good and did an errand for them or helped them out.

     

    Today, most people do not interfere with other people's kids.  You can't correct their bad behaviour because you'd have the parents beating down your door and you can't be nice to them because then you are under suspicion of having ulterior motives.  A first aid course I took, the instructor said that kids accidents are up because adults who see kids doing dangerous things do not interfere anymore.

     

    Because... One day while I went down the Keller to get my kids Kinderwagen up, my daughter rode off her bike, und weg war sie, and my son walked his way almost making it to the road, and while doing this, my neighbours who were outside just looked at them, and while my son was approaching the road and all the cars were waiting patiently, some hooting, and  me running to get him, my neighbours were busy giving me those searching and blaming eyes, like, "Where the hell are you, look your kids are going away"... So reeeeaaaallllllyyyyyy?????

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  6. Go to DM and buy a cleaning spray-Like these ones for the bathroom; but this one is specifically for Schimmel, its written on SCHIMMELFREI. Spray it on the are affected with Schimmel and after the recommended minutes just clean it off with a Tuch/Küchenrolle..

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  7. 11 hours ago, Krieg said:

     

    And in 2 months it became even more depressing.

     

    Remember the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child"?   I think that's the problem nowadays. Society is slowly getting less and less involved in raising children and it is the parents' problem.     We grew up playing outside, interacting with everybody, including adults, we talked to our neighbors, to the guy running the small shop around the corner, to the lady in the ice cream shop, and so on.   Nowadays everybody is isolated, real life communication is reduced to its minimum, and the children get the worst of it.

    Which is exactly why I value taking my children back home in Africa, so many times a year. I just want them to have that taste of that life, and much as I want it, it is almost close to impossible in this country. Coz the people who are supposed to have helped us, just push us away, in referral to how nagging we-and our kids are!

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  8. I am currently separated, and also not ready to work as I am still studyin, but also my children are still so young. The thought of it is so scary but going through it? Super easy,. I was super scared of separation thinking I will not survive, but all you need here is a good lawyer, your husbands salary slips, and confirmation of separation. Your husband will have to provide for you and your child, for you, until the child is 3 years, and then further for the child, and the child´s accommodation. They calculate what he has to contribute, basing on his salary, and acoording to the Düsseldorfer Tabelle, and if you are lucky he has a good salary, you will get more than enough. From what my husband is supposed to pay to me he deducts for the kids kindergartens, rent, internet, and my ticket, and hands over the balance to me. He moved out, and finally I am making peace from the shatters of the relationship. Good Luck.

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  9. On 17.2.2019, 12:52:46, LeonG said:

    Who says even parents enjoy other people's kids noise?  They might understand having gone through a phase with their own but it doesn't mean they enjoy the neighbours kids screaming and carrying on.  Same with people who don't have kids, we know people who have kids, we know you can't always control them but it doesn't mean we have to like it.

    Hahahahahaha... Why do I agree with you so so well?? Listen, after droppinh my children to Kindergarten, and I sit on a train, readin a book and a mother comes in with a kinderwagen, then the kid starts crying and throwing tantrums, first I get a wave of scare/fear inside of me, then I notice OOH, I am not with my kids, So I relax but again, the noise is not amazing, But i can only understand!

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  10. 2 minutes ago, BradinBayern said:

     

    Unfortunately it is the same child.  Just depends on the day :) 

     

    Want to do a fun experiment?  Call YOUR Mom and complain to her about the loud kids and say how lucky SHE was that YOU were such a calm and quiet kid and never gave her any trouble. 

     

    Did your Mom go suddenly quiet on the line?  

     Right. My daughter has been that type of child from day one, and i must say I didn´t really have a sweet child. It takes a lot of patience and nerves, which is why I asked OP to have some empathy. I beg my daughter every single day in a very nice tone not to cry and shout, love her relentlessly, sometimes I loose it and I break down and cry, many times I stick out my tongue and raise my middle fingers after stomping out of the room. it takes a lot of energy and nerves.

     

    and Yes, While back home to my mother, complaining and whining, she told me we were exactly like that, no different, or even worse, I could deny it, but I knew it was the truth... So, different stages of life, different behaviours, and if I am not wrong the OP could thave been "that kid".. jokes :D:D

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  11. On 16.2.2019, 07:53:07, St0rMl0rD said:

    Hi everyone, this might be a bit of a sensitive topic to anyone living with children, but I would still like to ask and see if anyone can share their opinion or possible experiences in a possibly similar situation.

    I am living below a family that has a very loud child that is constantly crying and running around in the apartment; the child seems to be about 3 years or so old. I have been living in this apartment for 8 months, and things haven’t improved at all. There is a lot of noise coming from the apartment above at various times, most often in the morning (6 A.M. sharp) and in the late afternoon, even on weekends, when I try to sleep in a bit longer in the mornings, but that is impossible because of the loud crying, screaming and running (as I’m writing this, the child has cried loudly and/or screamed at least 5 times in the last 20 minutes).

    I have already turned to the landlord and the management of the building, and they said they talked to the family, but nothing has changed. As this is a case where a child is making the noise, can I even do anything about it, even if it’s starting to affect my quality of life, wakes me in the morning and is not allowing me to relax in my own home?

    Thanks everyone!

    The only thing I tell every one who is like you is; You will know better once you have kids of your own. If you are lucky and they are calm children, you are likely never to know how difficult it gets. Every parent would surely wish to have children who are calm, shout and scream less, or cry only when it is necessary. By the time you are writing this, think about how the mother herself is feeling, or what she is going through, especially that she mus thave tried and failed to keep her kid calm. Do you even know about the terrible twos? Yes, That is a period of time that normally begine from 1.5-2years through 2.5-3years, where children just scream, cry and scream and throw tantrums. And Yes, for crazier kids like this one sounds, it can even go olonger through 4/5years. Remember while being bothered that a child is waking you up at 6am, she is having a mother who went through so many sleepless nights, and still have to be awake by 6 when this kid is screaming and most likely--When you are not watching, Kicking away the bottle that is offered to her, refusing to brush her teeth, or get into clothes offered to her. Yes. this is what they do, amidst tears and screams.

     

    I would be bothered too honestly, but I would not bring myself to open my mouth about it, or even report to the landlord, or even Toytown. i don#t know how difficult it is to get flats in your city, but here in Munich it is crazy difficult, and once you report this woman you are risking nher loosing a home for her and her kids. I would surely appreciate life if I was living alone, It is waaaaayyyy easy without the children, even if it is a neighbours kid screaming. I am a business owner, so if I wear you, if this kid woke me up at 6, I would first and foremost have so much empathy for the mother, and shift my anger and energy to other things,, make me a cup of coffee, meditate, stay positive and happy,, listen to music, see what I can do around my house, listen to music, while doing some work.

     

    on One occasion, I was ill, tired, slept the night on the couch, I needed more sleep, my kids woke up at 6 am, and with their expectations of milk and playing with them, they started fighting and screaming, I made them milk, but they still played loudly. I was sick, tired and shattered, I got up, dressed up, dressed up kids to go out on the playground so they can not shout for neighbours like you,, and while moving ou, my neighbour came out, and told me how my children have made her sleepless and shes been out till 2am so she needs to sleep longer-Meanwhile I go out till 3 but still coz of kids, I wake up at5:45 :).. she used this tone and look of so much anger: I could understand her, but I just really did not understan her tone--Ofcourse she never greets me and stuff, I stood, studied her as she was telling me if I can make my children shut up. I finally gathered the energy to answer her, that I am sprry but while I was giving birth to my kids, I forgot the remote control to pause them or switch them off when they can shout.

     

    2 days later I get a letter from the Jugendamt, summoning me, about how I live my kids unattended to and stuff. Long story short, from some peoples experiences, reports like this can lead a mother to loosing her children, and the pain of loosing a child(Find out about those reports on the internet) to these social workers, the pain of your children being taken away especially over such minor cases, is worse than your pain of not being able to catch some sleep. Very inense. So be patient with this woman, and shift your energy to other things, and remembering, that while she is going through this now, and super vulnerable at it, you will most likely experience the same, or have experienced the same if you have kids, and Oooh, how about you become a helping hand? Just go, knock on that door, talk to the child like; Hey, whats the matter? you know when you shout like that we canot sleep--In a very child friendly tone, and body language, that means, squatting down/getting to the child level. Or offer this mother help like baby sitting the kid instead of reporting. Yes, I know people here don´t have the zeal to open up and offer help, but you can do it, or LET IT GO! ir eve, Shift to another place! Cheers.

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  12. @swimmer  I did. And that kinda calmed him down with the manipulation. You know there's a difference between being stupid and being good. I was good for a very long time, leaving him to have things his own way, but some people choose to take you for granted for your goodness. I got onto my feet one day and my mouth was watering all this information about taking things legal, but how i am aware that he's legally supposed to have been giving me money and everything I'm entitled to, ne he was shocked. They use our ignorance, especially of the law and life around us against us, and this is why many German men marry African and Asian women. They want someone they can fully control. When you refuse to be controlled they start making life miserable for you. Girl gotta remain strong and smart. Lol

     

    I have also been asked many times to put it into writing that I am separated with my husband.. that's what really counts.. plus the rest they consider.. I think that's what I should do.. otherwise I'm officially wasting my time.

     

    And yes, I will need legal help, when I return to Germany, but for now needed to kinda break my mind around this.. 

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  13. Hehe,  @Cammiede I will okay go ahead ask my question under here...

     

    I am moving away from a marriage that's been full of manipulation, emotional and mental abuse, or to sum it up with a Narcissist. He's finally accepted the separation as all I have been is unhappy with him. Arguments, because he just can never accept any suggestion I make, arguments that lead to raising voices, hysterical cries, and lately it had started to get physical then I came back home in Uganda. He finally sent a message saying if separation is what makes me happy--(shifting blame/gas lighting-typical of Narcissists) and is better for the kids(which definitely is, as no kid deserves to grow up seeing their parents fighting and shouting at each other) he accepts the separation and he will support me in the move. A big amen, coz for a very long time he had refused this, and he was manipulating me to believe that he wants to save the marriage, yet still abusive, withdraws romance and information(like official info regarding taxes, jugendamt, insurance-etc. This gets difficult for us foreigners to get used to the system in Germany, especially if you're coming from the 3rd world countries where so many official things are not systematic. Aaagggrrr.. it's just a lot, do I have to explain all why we going separate ways? No. We are still going separate. 

     

    Anyway..  my major concern and point of asking for advice is; all the years I've been in Germany and with my husband I've not been working, as I came pregnant, took care of first kid, got a second one.. and now ready to get back into the working life. I'm ready to kick how difficult it gets to get into working in Germany, but for now, I am not working and have no financial security.. apart from the Mutter and Kindergeld that he was taking for a very long time, till few months ago when I told him.. how do you expect me to survive when you dont even give me any financial help(he buys everything we need in the home-food stuff and cleaning material-).

     

    We own an apartment here in Uganda, that he used his money to buy, way back before we got married. I'm not working, I quit my job here to come to Germany, and I've not been working due to kids, so that means the only financial freedom that I have is the money that is coming from the apartment here in Uganda(which money I have been handing over to my husband over the years by the way, not because I'm stupid, but I was just fair because he used all his money to buy the house, unfortunately I was being fair to someone who was never being fair to me, to the extent that when I got tired from taking care of the kids, all by myself.. he told me I dont have to get tired coz I'm young, he tells me shit like I dont need to learn driving, like I dont need to start working, I have big dreams and want to be a big woman, even if I'm on zero now, but my husband is always bringing my dreams down, telling me it not possible to achieve them)..

     

    Anyway, back to the house: The house/Land title is in my names; as the law does not allow foreigners to own property here in Uganda, BUT, my husband has been pushing me(manipulatively) to sell the house, and I have been very smart I told him there's no need selling it when we've just started earning back the money we invested in. However, I'm sure(while withholding this information from me) he was doing this knowing in the back of his mind he wants a divorce and separation. But I'm like why would he withhold this information from me, making me feel like we have to save the marriage.. yet he withholds sex and romance and all the care... anyway... the pressure in the house had become so much he couldn't take it no more..

     

    He confirmed by text that if separation is what makes me happy hes okay with it.. but we have to sell the house. I told him I'm not yet ready and we should take it slow till I get an apartment for me and the kids. But hes so much under pressure to sell the house its giving him so much headache. I don't want to sell this property coz even after divorce, this is kinda financial security for me before and after I get a job. Plus my husband has wasted so many of my years.. getting money from government in my name.. not supporting me to which I was told he has to give me at least 250euro a month for my upkeep. Hes not been giving this, plus taking away the mutter/kinder/elterngeld.. this accounts for the 5years weve been together. And I feel like it's a lot of money.. and I at least deserve to be getting some money from this property. At least for now, and not rush to sell it-Even when I don't intend to sell it.

     

    Now, lol.. sorry to talk too much, but trying to put a clear picture,

     

    Now, the question is, in case of a divorce, is my husband entitled to ownership or half ownership of this property under the German law, in case he provides receipts for sending me money? I was the one who bought and signed all documents.. and the title is in my names. But what does the law state in this regard? The property is in Uganda, we live in Germany.. sorry if I'm unclear, and please ask, it's because I'm juggling between typing and taking care for the kids..

     

    I appreciate any advice; in advance!

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  14. On 8/25/2011, 10:53:27, The Magster said:

    Guy on left: "I don't know vat to do.. vat do you sink, Hermann? Shall ve go back to ze vork?"

     

    Hermann (middle guy): "Timo. Do not vorry. Ve must adhere to our Betriebsrat-enforced Pause. Wir machen das spaeter. Just relax, okay?"

     

    Guy on right: "Our Vodka, who art in Bottlez...hallowed be zy Drink. Zy Buzz may come, ze Fun begun, in Bars az vell az at ze House Parties. Give us zis day our Drunken Head and forgive us our Spillage. Lead us not into ze Detox but deliver us from Hangovers. For zine are ze Good Times, Irresponsible Behavior, and Lap Dances forever...Amen."

    I'm cryiiiinngggg?????????

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  15. 14 hours ago, ferpear said:

    Hi all, 

     

    I know this post was ages ago, but I just moved here from London but originally from Canada and I'm also looking to meet new people and socialise. Anyone still on here/ anyone have tips?

     

    Help!

     

    Fer 

    ...girl, 29 and the new kid on the block

    What's your area?

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  16. 45 minutes ago, tinwoman said:

     

     

    19 minutes ago, tinwoman said:

    I also think you'd do really well out on Leopoldstr. where there are artsy sidewalk vendors in the summer.  These places are given out by the city in a lottery format a week at a time, and you can contact City Hall to apply.  You might also get assigned a spot near Marienplatz or Sendlinger Tor. 

     

    I'm dying to see your jewelry somewhere, so let us know what you decide! 

     

     

    I am definitely going to give it a go, and I won't disappoint. I am currently from my holiday back home, and preparing to start working on my summer collection, a few stuff for this year's summer- African fabrics are very well well suited for the summer in my view. I will be in touch, on this very thread. Thanks for the ideas.

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  17. 14 minutes ago, tinwoman said:

    I agree with the others; taking a stand is a good start but your things are too good for a flea market and people are looking for cheap in such venues.

     

    I would suggest event venues such as Tollwood or Street Life festival. You'd fit right in!

     

    There are smaller events as well if you don't want a stand at Tollwood for starters, which might seem a little intimidating.  There are many village fests; I can think of four just in Garching and two in Unterschleißheim right now that have vendor stands.

     

    Of course all through December you will have your pick of many Christmas markets with international flair. 

     

    Your things are beyond great and I wish you the best of luck!

     

    Do NOT go the pop-up store route that is trendy at the moment.  I don't know anyone who has had any luck with it. 

     

    I think you can stay very busy with stands without taking the risk of renting a location, if you like.

     

    I'm an English/Lit teacher too, so if you ever want to get back into your teaching let me know and I'll find out if my employer has an opening.  Good luck!

    Thanks a lot @tinwoman. Yessss Please, really the standard, and energy and class of my stuff is not for flea markets, I had only not mentioned, but probably I could try it out to see what happens there. Handmade stuff are known for being expensive, take an example of the prices of the things that are made by Noh-Nee dirndl.

     

    I am going to put into consideration Tollwood and see.

     

    About getting back into teaching, hehehe, hopefully sometime in the future, but for now I am still making babies, learning the language, and doing what I love as I prepare myself for what I will do career wards in the future. It is certain the knowledge of the German language is also a need if one has to work here. But If I am stuck, I will surely look you up, because I will need this help when I am ready to go back to chasing the career and stuff, thank you very much.

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