Clive2677

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Everything posted by Clive2677

  1. What made you smile today?

      I laughed and snorted at that.
  2. Jokes

  3. Twat of the day

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/49733089   Few on this forum know much about Rugby Union so please excuse my rant.   If true, this man is an embarrassment and a disgrace to his sport, his country and his family.   Rob Howley: Wales backs coach sent home from World Cup over alleged betting breach    
  4. Twat of the day

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/cricket/49726913     The Sun ‘newspaper’ editor.    Ben Stokes describes Sun story about family as 'immoral and heartless'    
  5. What made you smile today?

    Really worth reading.        
  6. Nice person of the day award

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-49716978   A young man who found a wallet containing €2,000 (£1770; $2200) in cash on the street in Rome refused a reward after returning it to its owner.  
  7. Jokes

    Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen's breasts for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber,Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick...
  8. Twat of the day

    More about Mogg.    
  9. Untrue (Alternative) facts

    I have two last wishes.   #1. I want my remains scattered on a nearby mountain.   #2. I don’t want to be cremated.  
  10. What made you smile today?

    Try this one...  
  11. Things to ponder

  12. What made you smile today?

    This clock...
  13. What made you smile today?

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-wales-49606787/one-armed-rugby-player-shay-dunster-proving-bullies-wrong    
  14. I've just posted a silly photo

    Broadcasting Whicker’s World.    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whicker's_World
  15. Jokes

    A doctor calls his patient and says “I’ve got some bad news and some worse news.” Patient: “What’s the bad news?” Doctor: “You’ve got 24 hours to live.” Patient: “WOW! Well what’s the worse news?” Doctor: “I forgot to call you yesterday.”
  16. Twat of the day

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-49694653     Mierlo: Vandals deface British WW2 graves in Netherlands     Vandal(s) desecrate burial site.  
  17. Jokes

    Sir Alex Ferguson decides to come out of retirement and play for Man U, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" He asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Liverpool.They're crap and we can't be bothered". Sir Alex looks at them and says "Well I know I'm a bit fat and old, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub." So Alex goes out to play Liverpool by himself and the rest of the Man U team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows "Man united 1 (Ferguson 10 minutes) – Liverpool 0 He is beating Liverpool all by himself! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on. "Result from Old Trafford : Man U 1 (Ferguson 0 minutes) – Liverpool 1 (Salah 89 minutes) They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Liverpool! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down" "Don't be stupid Alex, you got a draw against Liverpool all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!" Alex says "No, No, I have, I've let you down!. I got sent off after 12 minutes!"
  18. Complete FAIL