Clive2677

'BREAKING NEWS... Police have just confirmed that VUE Cinema Basingstoke was the victim of a robbery earlier today! Police are urging witnesses to come forward! Two men escaped with an estimated total of £1,500 in goods. It’s believed the men have made off with 4 hot dogs, 2 medium pepsi max’s, a family size popcorn and a bag of revels...'

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/soldiers-tears-follows-slain-war-21029503   Fin Doherty, 18, was formally handed his older brother’s beret after completing a gruelling 19 week training course at Catterick Garrison, North Yorkshire. Pte Doherty burst into tears as it was presented to him by Sgt Major Adam Ireland, who fought alongside his brother. 

Apparently ‘take its horns off and wipe its arse’ is not the response in polite company when asked by the waiter ‘how Sir would like his fillet’...

A man walks in to a pet store and asks the shop attendant for 10 bees. The attendant obliges and begins to count the bees into a tub "1 bee, 2 bees, 3 bees, four bees, five bees, six bees, seven bees, eight bees, nine bees, ten bees, eleven bees, There you go sir" and he hands them over.  The man responds "I asked for ten, why have you given me eleven?" To which the shop attendant replies "oh, that last one, thats a freebie"

I've just seen a car being driven by a sheep wearing a swimsuit.    It was a lamb bikini

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-sussex-50679671/spitfire-pilots-return-to-goodwood-after-round-the-world-trip#share-tools   Two British pilots have touched down on home soil, after flying around the world in a restored chrome Spitfire.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-50630441/life-after-death-how-seven-kids-came-back-from-the-dead     In 2011, a Danish school trip went disastrously wrong. A group of children fell into ice-cold water, and 'died'. Their hearts stopped beating for several hours. And yet, in the largest known case of its kind, all seven came back to life.  

American vessels have USS, United States Ship.  British vessels have HMS, Her Majesty's Ship.  Italian vessels have DMB, Datsa Ma Boat.