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About HH_Sailor

Profile Information

  • Location Schleswig-Holstein
  • Nationality Brexit made me German
  • Gender Male
  • Year of birth
  1. Worst jokes ever

    I finally found and married Miss Right.   Only later, I realised that her first name was 'Always'  
  2. What's got you flummoxed today?

    Go to the museum and learn something.  Ok. Off to the spy museum in Berlin. A bit too entertainy for my liking, but an interesting half day.   Flummoxed: There was a display showing toys that can report data...as in Alexa. I'd heard of some dolls that were recalled in Germany as they could be made to listen in to the kids room.   But what's this:   A dildo and an anal plug. Each with bluetooth. And the ability to send 'usage data' to god knows who.   I give up. Get me a beer in a glass without a MAC address (see vent)
  3. The Vent - No Chat!

    On the autobahn and need a loo break. So I pull in.   The urinal informs me of its MAC address whilst I stand there peeing into it.  Urinals don't need MAC addresses. Again: Urinals don't need MAC addresses.   Bloody hell....it started to tell me that Android was booting.    If Big Data is analysing my urine, they can keep it.    
  4. What made you smile today?

    I suppose in German it means something else...   Still, I had to explain to my son why I was laughing in the supermarket where this book was on display.  
  5. Berlin -> Isle of man TT course

    Do they still have "mad Sunday"  at the start of the race week?   Where you're allowed to drive your motorbike on the course  at any speed you choose ?    
  6. What have you learned today?

    Waterbed owners : It's always a good idea to have a waterbed repair kit in the bedroom in case the waterbed  springs a leak in the night. Even a tiny crack will cause max flummoxing when awakening more damp than usual (see Franklan's Damp patch )   It is a long wait to get to town and the waterbed shop opening times are  not aligned with the rest of Germany's 07:00 startup.   Now, will the patch hold (as others have done in the past), or is it finally time to pump it dry and toss out of the window* and replace with this year's model ?         * in the past I've been unable to get the mattress dry enough to be managable. The pump leaves some 50L of water still inside. I can't manhandle such an object down the stairs, so out the window it goes. Tough luck about the azaleas though...
  7. What irritated you today?

    That's the third call today proclaiming to be from Microsoft. They want to fix my computer...   Some sort of bacterial infection or maybe a virus has broken it (they claim in broken English).   Can't trace their telephone number as they're spoofing it.   You'll need more than nursing if I get hold of you....  
  8. How to date without tinder

      How true, how true.
  9. Why are you happy today?

    Probably, as he flew faster, relativity took over, thus making him younger. (Just a bit)
  10. The Vent - No Chat!

    I want to attend a particular concert at the Hamburg Elbphilharmonie (Elfie).   Tickets are only available after 10:00 on the 20th June. OK. So I log in and try. And try. And try. Message (should I actually get a response) : Max number of users exceeded. Please try later. 3 hours later .... Suddenly I'm through - but no tickets left. I try several different concerts up to April 2020 (!). All gone - only a few isolated tickets (not next to each other)   I imagined that only the one concert had ticket sales start today - but no the whole season starts today. What sort of queueing system is that.  And where are the tickets anyway?   Wasted hours on the phone (please hold the line) and the computer trying to get in and then find they've all gone.    Definately won't be paying someone on Ebay over the odds for the concert.   Why can't you simply open the sales for each concert 60days in advance (or whatever). Then your servers won't be overloaded with half the world trying to get bookings for a whole season.   Oh yes, I remember. This is Germany. Grrrrr    
  11. What made you cry today?

    I read this story in 'Stern' the other day.   Their slant on  it was parents were well off surgeon/dentist couple, large house and multiple Ferraris. Money missing from praxis, financial crisis spirals.   Difficult proving which parent went after the sleeping kids with a hammer and kitchen knife.    How can obviously intelligent people brutally kill their own kids just because the friends and neighbours notice that the house  is to be auctioned off by the bailiffs?   Prosecution even noted that a Dr should know that a modern car with catalyzer doesn't really produce enough carbon monoxide to kill. So did they really expect to live - and just get rid of the kids ?   Truly sickening - belongs IMHO in the scumbags thread.
  12. My business plan.

    Indeed. Local is the tricky bit as then you also need local sheep, shearers and knitters.    Some fake news along the line of 'Joop/Lagerfelt etc starting odd sock show in Milan' may help sales though.
  13. What's got you flummoxed today?

      My MIL is almost blind. She asks alexa to turn on radio channels. As she's also quite deaf,  the TV is so loud when in use, there's no worry about anyone overhearing anything other then GZSZ. 
  14. Why are you happy today?

    I'd find that difficult too, as after 3hrs *max* I'd have crossed my legs so often I'd have to learn to steer with opposite pedals.   
  15. Only in America...

    A nautical mile is 1852 metres. A knot is a measurement of speed : 1 nautical mile per hour.   I'll leave rods, poles and perches to someone else...