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Posts posted by FlatronL1917

  1. A friend of mine moved to Germany a few years ago. During the first couple of years, she worked as a freelancer but did not make any steps towards paying taxes. To be honest, I am not even sure if and what she had to pay, maybe her income was way too low to even pay anything. She has now been working as an employee of an organisation. It seems that there have been no consequences, but there is always the fear of getting caught or of having further complications down the road.


    It is clear that the decision of not researching this lead to stress, so let's please keep this out of the discussion. My question is, how would you go about correcting this? Should she consult an accountant / a lawyer / both? Would there be any consequences? Is this going to stay in her record or can she get away with it? Could this information reach her current or future employers?


    Thank you for your time and answers.


  2. Thank you for your answer, I had totally forgotten about the health insurance part. Is this also required from mini-jobbers?


    Some additional info:

    He already has a stable job in Greece and will be using his vacation to do that (it is fine for his employer), so he is already working his butt off. The plan is to take an unpaid sabbatical leave for two years and join her as soon as his German improves. What happens after these two years remains to be seen. The things we do for love…


    EDIT: His girlfriend is Greek.


  3. A friend of mine is chasing his dream of relocating to Munich from Greece to join his girlfriend. He has been learning German non-stop and occassionally visits her and attends language classes. Ideally, he would like to find a job he could do every time he is there (say 2 weeks every 2-3 months) to cover some of the costs and improve his language skills.


    Does anyone know if this is possible at all? We are talking about jobs without high education requirements, like delivery service, waiting tables, etc. Does he need to be registered in Munich? Does he need a bank account or can the money be deposited to his girlfriend's account / to his account in Greece? What about any complications with the tax office?


    Sorry if it has been asked before, but I could not find anything directly related to my question.


  4. The way to socialize in Germany is by joining various activities, like sports clubs, dancing groups, expatriate groups etc and gradually getting to know people there. I mean, you can also visit a bar and try to get to know the locals, but I never managed to do that very successfully. As a workaholic introvert from a mediterranean culture with very little knowledge of German when I arrived, I had plenty of difficulties adjusting, apart from a period of unemployment when I could dedicate a large portion of my time in socializing. The feeling of "boredom" you mentioned never goes completely away. If you go from working alone at home 12 hours/day to working 8 hours/day at an office trying to achieve the same level of performance while also keeping up with your colleagues' expectations of office socializing, you might be in for a shock (but this depends heavily on your work environment). Flirting is also very different in the north. Your case might be different, but I suspect you will have some similar experiences. 


    My question: What are the chances of somehow generating a significant passive income within the next couple of years? Either by investing or by automating part of your work or by hiring somebody else to do the work for you. I understand that you enjoy the challenge of living in a foreign country and in my opinion this is something that everybody should experience. Moving to Germany was certainly a very important and mostly pleasant stage of my life. But hey, if you can get off the rat race before going abroad and becoming a "normal worker" like the rest of us... I guess that's a dream for many people.


  5. Sorry for the digression, but are you aware of the laws concerning the maximum number of work hours per week? Your supervisor may not be particularly happy to hear for example that you are spending an extra X hours/week on a side project, because it will lead to a drop in your productivity. It might also lead to safety issues, if you have to handle anything that could under certain circumstances injure someone. The upper limit might be higher for 100% freelancers, but your case might be more complex, so you should check that out.


  6. Thank you very much for your answer. I was talking about Elterngeld, I had just forgotten the appropriate term.

    A rough online research seems to show that you are right, she just needs to live here.

    As far as I know, she made around 4k/month netto at her job. She is a citizen of another EU land.

    I suppose/hope that she just misunderstood the social services. Thanks again!


  7. My flatmate (also an expat) is currently in the 7th month of her pregnancy. She has been living in Germany for the past 4-5 years and her job is in a high salary scale. The father lives abroad and is unwilling to help in any way. For the past few months she has been trying to move to a new apartment for more privacy and space, but finding an apartment in this area is extremely difficult and/or expensive. It also does not help that she is pregnant and it shows. She claims she has extended the apartment search area.


    The problem is that she has been told from the social services that in order to get benefits after she gives birth, she will need to have an apartment contract on her name only (note: there is a significant probability that she missed something because of the language barrier). This is a new parameter for me, I only heard it from her yesterday. I have also been trying to find a place to move with my girlfriend and her two children, with very little success so far. Therefore, the only option for me at the moment is to stay right here (we are still in a transitional phase with her children and there is not enough space in her place, so I can't move in).


    My flatmate proposed an "informal" agreement of transferring the contract 100% to her name and living where I am currently unofficially. I am not comfortable at all with the idea of not having a housing contract, especially since we quarrelled a bit in the last few months and I have learned to trust only written agreements in Germany (thanks TT).


    Could somebody answer these questions?

    1) She claims she will get no benefits if she goes back to her country. Is this true? In the past she said that she will just not receive enough money to cover the birth costs, so I don't know what to believe anymore. Granted, this would be hard in her current condition, but it would be important to know if this is true.

    2) She claims she needs to have an apartment contract on her name only. Is this true?

    3) Is there another solution that I am currently missing?


    Thank you for your time and answers.


  8. OP, I feel sorry for you, you have a hard time ahead of you with this mentality.

    You might have some luck, because IT is a field in high demand at the moment.

    But if you don't get any interviews for a few months, you might need to re-evaluate your way of thinking.


    It does not matter how clever you are: if you get hired, you will need to study and learn new tools intensively for the first 1-2 years.

    This is not a good selling point for a manager, because they want to maximize profits and need to justify why they hired you to their bosses.

    So you have very low chances compared to a native speaker who already has the skills the company needs.


    Good luck with your job search anyway.


  9. I would like to give a less touristic route, which works very well if the weather is sunny:

    1) Start from Warschauerstr., walk along the Oberbaumbrücke until Schlesisches Tor - enjoy the view from the bridge and the graffiti on the way

    2) Walk parallel to the river (direction east) until you reach Badeschiff - Have a soda or something, enjoy the summer weather and possibly go swimming!

    3) Walk along Spree and enjoy the close view of the Molecular Man

    4) Keep walking along the river and enjoy Treptower Park

    5) Cross the street to the awe-inspiring Soviet Memorial (Sowjetisches Ehrenmal)

    6) Return to the river side of the park and visit the Insel der Jugend for the beach bar / Biergarten - you can have a Flammkuchen and watch the boats passing by



    -Start from Janowitzbrücke and walk along the East Side Gallery until you reach the Oberbaumbrücke - it is a loud and busy street, so this step is optional

    -Rent a bicycle instead of walking; you will probably save time and energy


    At least this is what I always show to visiting friends, when I go back to Berlin from time to time, and they love it because it combines fun with history and nature. It takes around 5-6 hours, depending on how long your stops are, maybe down to 3-4 hours with a bike. Have a good time in Berlin!


  10. 9 hours ago, Svetlana.Petro said:

    Your problem is that you would like one specific recipe and how to pick up a girl and get her in bed that works on every single girl every single time.  Despite what so called pickup artists like Roosh V tell you, there is none because every girl is different.  No "Hello my name is x" won't work all the time, in fact it won't work most of the time because the girl simply may not like you or not feel like responding but it will work a lot more than "I'd hit you anyday!".  In fact every girl I know, including me, has responded to a guy that introduced himself and told her a little bit about himself both online and in real life.  No girl that I know has responded to creeps that send unsolicited pics of a photoshopped dick.  But again messaging or approaching a girl is no guarantee for success every single time.  But then again that's not my problem as I didn't go a dating site to serve every horny creep on demand but I registered to find a guy I could date.


    And I'm sorry if that offends but if a guy's first words to you are "Do you like giving head?" then I'm going to assume he's a creep.  I don't know if you're aware of this but voyeurism for example is not exactly legal (the real life equivalent of sending dick pics online).  I personally find it very disturbing that you would actually justify this behavior as being an acceptable way to approach women.  Do you have a mother?  girlfriend/wife?  daughter?  sister?  You're actually lucky that you're not talking to a feminist because with me a guy that approaches me that way or sends those kinds of pics simply gets a "creep" label and gets placed on ignore but with a feminist you're guaranteed to see the rape card thrown along with a claim of sexual harassment/assault plus police involvement.  So which is better getting told off by a regular girl who doesn't want to be bothered by online losers or being accused of being a rapist by a feminist?  Take your pick.


    I am sorry Svetlana but, as Zwiebelfisch mentioned, it seems you have not read my post carefully. I think we are just approaching the subject with different targets: you want to isolate the "creeps" and demand that they change their behaviour, I want to make a small step towards making the two sides understand each other - I strongly believe that the whole interaction between the two sides will then improve. Maybe that is a bit naive of me for trying to do that through a forum, but whatever. Nobody asked you to satisfy the "horny creeps" and I agree that there is no guarantee for success and all women are different and the advice of pickup artists is very often bullshit. I just don't see the reason for so much hate. As I wrote above and in contrast to what you understood, I condemn this behaviour, I do not justify it, but I do not condemn the person. The person can change, but not through isolation rather than through education and inspiration.


  11. 2 hours ago, Svetlana.Petro said:

    If I get a message saying "I'd hit you in a nanosecond!" "Do you like big cocks?" "I want to rock you all night long!"  I'm assuming the guy wants sex and not a family with two kids and a house in the suburbs.  Granted I could be wrong but if you went into a job interview saying you just want to get paid and have no motivation to work, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't get the job.  I'm not saying "all men are like this".  I actually stated quite clearly that nice guys are paying for the mistakes of these creeps.


    I have nothing against men approaching women, in fact I would prefer to remain that way but whatever happened to "Hi my name is Bob!  How are you doing?"  instead of "You have a nice rack!"  And even if you do a approach a woman respectfully, she has the right not to be interested in you just like a man has the right to reject a less attractive overweight woman.  And yes I have rejected men that were respectful that I just wasn't attracted to but I'm not complaining about them, I was complaining about the sleazeballs that expect me to spread my legs right away, let them jump on me for 30 seconds and then pretend how great it was only to be put back on the shelf.


    "Hi, my name is Bob! How are you doing?" - seriously??? How many women do you think respond to that? You could test your theory by making a male profile in a dating site :-) And since you are doing the job metaphor, how long does it take you to write a good cover letter? Because that is the equivalent in the online dating world, messaging = cover letter, date = interview. That is the problem, these guys don't even get to the interview phase because of the filtering that Lisa13 mentioned. How long can you keep your motivation going after getting your carefully written messages thrown out many times? What was the longest you have been unemployed by the way? Well, if you "had to" do this for a long time, you would stop making serious attempts, get desperate, be direct and go for big numbers, maybe break some rules of politeness. Following your job metaphor, it is sort of like homelessness in a sense. Of course a man will send you something about his penis because this is what we learn from the media: "women like sex, they like big cocks, that's what I see in all that porn. I am just going to brag about my cock to 100 girls and it must work on someone, there has to be someone horny. I mean, I would love it if someone messaged me talking about her big boobs!!! I am sure the girls should love it too. If not, that probably means I am ugly". Men who have had little contact with the female way of thinking do not understand how it works and assume that women think like them, even the ugliness part because men are very visual.


    This is why in my opinion online dating is a huge waste of time (or at least of efficiency). There are other ways to meet people, much more pleasant than sitting in front of a computer. It is just that these men have not been exposed to these other ways and think that online dating is their only chance. Dating is just a skill of selling yourself and I find it very disturbing to put labels on people - such as "creep" - just because he has not learned this skill yet. A label has a sort of permanent character, you can judge situations and behaviours, but judging people is in my opinion unethical. It only leads to more isolation and destabilisation.


    I do fully agree with you about managing expectations though, I think I have stressed it quite a lot in my previous posts :-) I am just worried about the lack of empathy from both sides.


    On 22.5.2016, 15:40:41, lisa13 said:

    agree re: technology complicating things.


    dating sites make it very easy to feel like one is ordering a pair of shoes.  Plus the sheer volume of theoretical opportunities on these sites puts people into "filter" mode. 


    Now if only they would add a feature where previous "customers" could post reviews of the goods :) I hate to think it could go that way, but I don't think I'd be totally shocked to see that.


    Lisa you are absolutely right (in my opinion) about filtering. About the reviews, it would be nice to know what each person did "wrong", so reviews could be nice, but someone can always just create a new profile if he gets a bad review. Plus, it does not help for the people we are talking about, those posting sexual comments - you would probably review the ones you dated, not the ones who just messaged you, right? Maybe there could be e.g. like/dislike buttons next to the messages, so that men understand what they are doing right/wrong, women don't spend a lot of time in reviews and the system rewards those who are trying by making them e.g. more visible. I think this could actually work! If only I was a website developer :-)



  12. 2 hours ago, RelativeDimensions said:

    Nope, not buying it, sorry. If your response to lack of success with women is to behave like a twat, chances are that you're basically a twat.


    That is a very simplistic way to see things, it is a similar level of generalization as saying "women are bi***es". Life is a bit more complicated than that.



    2 hours ago, RelativeDimensions said:

    The reasons why you're a twat are neither the fault of the girl you're trying to pull nor her responsibility to fix.


    Quoting from my post: "It is also totally understandable from your side not to respond to bad comments and to avoid these men, you have to protect yourself."

    You don't have to fix anybody, in fact you shouldn't. Just cut people some slack, no need for such harsh judgement. Sometimes understanding is enough.



    2 hours ago, fraufruit said:

    At the risk of showing my age, I think the whole generation is socially retarded due to the obsession with technology. Texting instead of calling or meeting up and visiting. Everyone's head is stuck to their phones. People seem to not know how to interact with each other any more. I see it all the time. A group of teens sitting on a bench texting instead of talking to each other.


    I think you are right, technology plays a big part in this.


  13. 13 hours ago, Svetlana.Petro said:

    Looks like some things never change.  But I ask myself are those guys really that dumb that they think if they leave you a message saying "I'd hit that" that they are actually going to get laid?  Either that or they get off by sending those kinds of messages. :(


    Men are not dumb, they just have no idea how to do this properly. Also, girls do not answer because they are overwhelmed, so men end up with shotgun approaches. They are not necessarily trying to just fuck you, they are trying to approach you and they don't know how. That is their method of flirting, this is what they have seen (maybe from really bad sources, like porn). There are many more ways to fail than ways to succeed and if you don't have somebody to give you feedback on what you are doing right and wrong, you will have a lot of trouble learning and will give up.


    An attractive girl will find this very difficult to understand because she will never experience having to charm most guys, she will just need to look nice and will always have choices. As some comedian said about flirting (can't remember the guy or the quote correctly) "men have to be charming, thoughtful, must have a good sense of humour, etc. Women just have to be there". This leads to a lot of anger, frustration, jealousy, misogynism and feelings of unfairness from the guys (as we see in this thread). Men with extreme behaviours may think "I am putting all this effort and nothing seems to work, I have no idea what else to do, women are just as***les and they hate me, that's the only reasonable explanation, so I will hate them back. All they have to do is go out and men will approach them and treat them nicely. I am just so alone here, it's unfair". That is especially true if you grow up in a disfunctional family, because you have seen no real flirting and you have seen a lot of hate.


    Men are also people with feelings, trying to find a soul mate, you know. No need for all these accusations. It is just a lack of empathy from both sides - men will also find it difficult to understand how overwhelmed the girls are because they will never experience being of such high value to the other gender. Of course, if men could choose any girl they wanted, they would give less value to the appearance and more to the chemistry and connection. It is also totally understandable from your side not to respond to bad comments and to avoid these men, you have to protect yourself. But in the end what you are witnessing and judging is not really his intentions but his way of approach. These are different things. The opposite thing can happen as well: a guy may approach and flirt very well but only have the intention of having sex with you. It is a matter of what is more important to you, the quality of the first approaches until he calms down or the long-term intentions. A guy in despair would have a much higher motivation to have a successful relationship than someone with lots of choices. But then again come the expectations into play: as soon as you give the desperate guy some room and encouragement, he might expect this is a certain sign to go all the way, he does not know the value of going slowly and will become angry if you decide to take a step back.


    I have never sent a dick picture or sexual messages, I just don't like the bashing men get. It is so much easier to criticize than to create something. People and relationships are complicated, no need for all of this, we are all just people and not that different deep inside. Let me tell you what: why don't you create a fake male profile in a dating site and try to see the difficulty of approaching somebody online? Just try to get a date with some girl. Then you might see a small part of the problem and build some empathy.


  14. 8 hours ago, cb6dba said:

    "If you have expectations of sex and relationships, you will scare her" - who does not have some form of expectation. Are women allowed expectations?

    "If you are afraid of saying the wrong thing or scaring her, you will scare her." - so you can't be worried you may scare her.. So self reflection is out.. Cool...

    "Lower your expectations and focus on having a good time." - so what this is all saying is, do not have any expectations. In my experience, most of the expectations come form the Woman. YOU even say she will follow and need to be inspired, sounds like an expectation to me..


    "Men traditionally act as leaders and their followers (women) need to be inspired - i.e. they need to see what they will gain out of this deal with you." - If you phone rings, it is the 1840s, they would like their gender ideas back. You know they only lent them to you, they did not say you could use them.



    Allow me to rephrase, maybe you will agree with me in some points afterwards :-)


    1) "If you have expectations of sex and relationships within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, you will scare her". For some women, it could be for 5 days or 5 weeks or whatever. What I meant to say is, take it slowly with expectations, read her reactions, see if she is nicer to you than the rest of the people, then create some expectations. And it is not a matter of who is allowed what, life is not fair, women can more have expectations I suppose because they get to make the choice after all. Women are the "client" and you are the "salesman". If you have a problem with that, you have to talk to the man upstairs :-) For me at least, expectations and daydreaming sabotage my flirting, that's all I meant. Can you imagine a salesman with expectations? He would be a pretty bad salesman.

    2) "If you are afraid of showing your personality and your opinion to make her happy, you will scare her. Of course, this does not mean that you should stop improving and checking if what you are doing helps you in the long run". True, I should have stressed that, it's important.

    3) The only thing you can control is your thoughts and actions. You can have expectations from others, but will this make you act differently? If you like a girl, you can still compliment her and try to approach her, without having any expectations before you start seeing some positive reactions. You will actually be less nervous like that. If you have expectations before that, it could lead to disappointment, scaring her, giving up. I am not sure what you mean with your sentence though, could you please make it a bit clearer?

    4) I should have put the word "traditionally" in bold but the point is not there. I think leading is what makes a man charming, life experience, knowing how to act around people, being considerate, etc. I do not mean making all the decisions against her will, banging your hand on the table, etc. There are several parts of dating where a guy is expected to lead. He is supposed to approach her, pick the dating place, make a move for kissing or something more, read her reactions, talk about something interesting in his life, ask questions and show interest, etc. That is leading as I understand it, you have to organise something, understand her expectations, it is about showing her how awesome time with you can be by leading her through a nice experience you organised for her. Is there really any girl who likes to plan a date herself?


    8 hours ago, zwiebelfisch said:

    I think at the root of it, a lot of what FlatronL1917 says is right but it comes across a bit clumsliy and if I dare say so slightly creepy.


    Well, OP, as I wrote above, be prepared to fail a lot around people :-D An opinion is valuable and you can learn something from it (like for example "read your post a few more times before publishing"). But an opinion is not necessarily a fact ;-)



    8 hours ago, zwiebelfisch said:

    The underlying point I think is not to play The Game to be someone you are not or to worry too much.  Be yourself and it either works or it doesnt.  Trying to be someone else who a prospective partner would prefer to the real you is doomed unless you are focussing on the very short term.


    That is part of what I am trying to say, yes.


    Or maybe it's all just nonsense and you can just forget about it. I am just a random guy on the internet, never claimed to be an expert, just threw some food for thought.


  15. I had a similar phase to the OP (maybe a bit less) due to growing up in a rather dysfunctional family but it's over now.

    I had some successful relationships and enjoy flirting and life in general a lot more now - and girls also seem a lot more interested.

    Difficult changes in the way of thinking and lifestyle are necessary.


    1) Ask yourself "what will I get out of a relationship?" and see if you can get these elements in another way.

    For example, deep down inside what I wanted was:

    • close friendships
    • hugs and body contact
    • feeling desirable
    • variety in life
    • sex (of course)
    • meaning/motivation in life
    • being heard and understood
    • being trusted, etc.

    If you satisfy these out of a relationship, you will be much less desperate.

    For example, dancing helped a lot with body contact and feeling desirable.

    I got a better motivation in life by reading psychology books and also by writing my thoughts and reformulating them.


    2) Your first priority should be not to scare women (and people in general!!!!).

    Women are afraid of people who seem like they may get violent when they don't get what they want.

    If you have expectations of sex and relationships, you will scare her.

    If you are afraid of saying the wrong thing or scaring her, you will scare her.

    Read her feelings from her reactions and body language, focus on not scaring her.

    Lower your expectations and focus on having a good time.

    Focus on sharing and enjoying the activity together, not trying to make her happy.


    3) Forget about online dating sites. What you need is to develop your social skills and you won't make that through a computer screen. Be prepared to fail a lot.


    4) Men traditionally act as leaders and their followers (women) need to be inspired - i.e. they need to see what they will gain out of this deal with you.

    Make yourself more marketable by developing a talent or element which may make their lives better.

    Dancing is a very good idea, it also helps meeting a lot of women.

    Irrelevant hobbies may also make you more attractive if you are really passionate about them.


    5) Love and take care of yourself. Go to a therapist, it is always a good idea.


    Nothing very new here. And the OP is probably not going to read this, but anyway.


  16. I do not mean to doubt the professionalism of TT members, but I usually prefer to post such questions in specialized forums like http://workplace.stackexchange.com/. In my opinion, sending this email to everyone in your colleague's address list could seriously backfire; conflicts are best resolved in private. The email confirmation and discussion with HR were in the right direction.