Chelski

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About Chelski

Profile Information

  • Location Weinheim
  • Nationality British/Irish
  • Hometown Peterborough
  • Gender Male

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  1. We will finally buy a TV

    I pointed this thread out to my mate down the pub who hasn't watched television for at least 20 years. Allegedly, he loves to illegally stream movies on his desktop. One of his favourites (on constant repeat) is of course, The Rocky Horror Show. His favourite character is Frank-N-Furter ("a sweet transvestite from Transsexual, Transylvania"). Yet my mate down the pub is struggling with the idea of a 50" TV. He's checked the movie multiple times and Tim Curry's codpiece isn't big enough.   Or are you all talking about dwarfs? 50" = 1.27m   Which works for my mate down the pub as they have the spinning Velcro human sized dartboard and a load of knock-off lingerie and make-up available for a Saturday night throwing competition.   He was just curious. That's all.  
  2. This happened about 800m from my Kita.   Once we got the first alert, we automatically went into lockdown. The kids were fine.     It was very unusual to see a SWAT team standing outside the front door though.
  3. What's got you flummoxed today?

    I went to the dentist today for my 6-month check-up. It's 07:30. There's only me, the dentist and the hygienist (who's doubling up on reception) in the building.   Dentist: "Everything's fine. Make another appointment for August and I'll see you then."   I walk to reception.   Chelski: "I'd like to make another appointment for a check-up please." Hygienst: "You need to telephone to make an appointment for a check-up." (Pause) Chelski: "But I'm standing here, and you're sitting there with the big book of potential dental appointments, so can't we do it now?" Hygienst: "I'm sorry it's a new practise rule that you must telephone for a check-up. Sorry." (She turns away and starts rummaging in files) (I start to feel flummoxed - because this is Germany after all, and rules are rules... but the inner Brit in me stops me walking away. I pull out my smartphone... and dial my dentist. Phone rings 2m away from me.)   Hygienst: "Blah, blah praxis." Chelski: "Hello, I'd like to make an an appointment for a check-up please." Hygienst: "Certainly! Your name is?" Chelski: "Herr Chelski." (The way the hygienst then slowly turned her head to me with glaring eyes almost made me burst out laughing. I think she'd thought I'd left.)   Hygienst (turning away and getting professional): "Of course Herr Chelski. When was your last check-up?" Chelski: "Hmm, that's a good question. About 5mins ago." Hygienst: "Can you remember the date?" Chelski: "Today. About 5mins ago." (Hygienst seriously starting to bristle)   Hygienst: "That doesn't help me. Can you remember the date?" Chelski: "You don't remember today's date?" (Hygienst slowly puts down her phone)   (I, being a perfect gentleman, and never wishing a ladies' fall from grace.)   Chelski (smartphone still against his ear ends with an imaginary convo): "Yeh mate, sounds cool. Gotta go now." (Pause) Chelski: "Sorry about that. Rather rude of me. I'd like to make an appoinment for a check-up please." Hygienst: "Certainly. What date suits you..."   I think I'm starting to become an anti-flummoxer.        
  4. Politics Gen XYZ

      Most excellent phrase @Janx Spirit and a new addition to my naughty words vocabulary. I will endeavour to insert it into conversation with my German work colleagues tomorrow at every possible opportunity. With a twist...   "Want a cup of English breakfast tea Chelski?" "Thanks, but no. Jabberbollock"   "How are you today Chelski?" "Jabberbollocked"   (In a meeting): "What do you think of the idea Chelski?" (Shifting uncomfortably in my chair): "Jabberbollocks"   Of all my German work colleagues who claim to speak perfect English, only one will call me on it. Sandra picks up on every little idiom I use and wants a full explanation instantly. Which is cool and I'm happy to help. The rest will silently mull it over and come to the conclusion that it's something to do with me having an injection. Possibly in the testicles.    
  5. 3G in Restaurants?

      Same here. That's why we're both still posting on Toytown.
  6. 3G in Restaurants?

    Everytime I had a jab (x3) I came home and shoveled 800mgs of Ibu into my mouth and went to bed.   Not a very scientific approach I agree but hey...     YMMV.                
  7. Learning third language from German

      Top post. Spot on. The world is your oyster. But you have to want it first...   And then make it fun!
  8. Why should we berate you? You're already berating yourself.   You fucked up.   So man up and deal with the consequences.   Lying will get you nowhere in Germany bureaucracy...
  9. 3G in Restaurants?

      Yeh, Richard Ashcroft had the same idea...     ... and wrote a mighty fine song about it.    
  10. 3G in Restaurants?

      Which is exactly the way it should be everywhere in a restaurant in Germany. Unfortunately, as I posted above it's not.
  11. 3G in Restaurants?

    Firstly, I apologise for being on topic as per the thread title.   Driving home with Mrs C. tonight debating what to have for dinner and who would cook etc.   Mrs C: "Ooh! Lets stop at [restaurant name redacted] and have an early dinner. They opended at 5 and I know you like it there!" Me: "Cool! Sounds good."   We park and walk up to [restaurant name redacted] like a couple of law men in the Wild West entering a saloon to arrest someone. Gun smartphone and Badge ID already drawn. We walk in. It's very busy; even early.   We wait to be seated. Loads of service staff hustling around with drinks and special orders.   We wait.   We wait.   Eventually, random service staff guy notices us and says: "Table for two? Sit wherever you want" and disappears. We think WTF and put our guns and badges away. We find our favourite table free and sit. A few moments later...   Waiter: "What would you like to drink?" Mrs C: "Wasn't our vaccination status supposed to be checked at the door?" Waiter: "Sure, but nobody would come unless they were boosted!" Mrs C: "How do you know that everyone here tonight is boosted when you don't check their status?" Waiter: "Because this is Germany and everyone always follows the rules!" Me: (starting to bristle) Mrs C (whispering): "Down Johnny..." (Pause) Mrs C: "Do you have a contact form for us to fill in?" Waiter: "No, because everyone here tonight is boosted!" Mrs C: "How do you know?" Waiter: "Because this is Germany and everyone always follows the rules!" Me: (remove my place mat and slowly start head-butting the table) Waiter (perplexed): "Is everything Ok, sir?" Me: "Yeh, I'm fine. Just bring the drinks..." (Longer pause...) Mrs C: (Death stare) Me: "What?" Mrs C: "We don't do things like that in Germany. We don't disrespect or intimidate service staff. We certainly don't head-butt tables!" Me: "Why?" Mrs C: "Because this is Germany and everyone always... shit! I walked straight into that one. Fuck you! Fuck you and your English wordplays!" (Pause) Me: "Hungry?" Mrs C: "Starving." Me: "So lets eat..."   It was a buffet restaurant and as good as it always is. Nice dinner.   I guess my gripe is that to get into Mediamarkt a couple of days before Xmas to pick up my new phone was akin to getting through US Customs and Border Protection @ JFK. Everone is masked. Which I agree with. Yet getting into a restaurant was just so easy. And everyone unmaskes. Something's wrong somewhere.   Once again, apologises for being on topic as per the thread title.   Time for the thread to get back off topic.   Release the hounds!      
  12. Things to ponder

    Never saw this thread for an age. And now wish I hadn't. You're all sick puppies.      
  13.     Most excellent idea @dstanners so I'm gonna buy a big shark and get it prepared for transportation in Melton Mowbray.
  14. 3G in Restaurants?

      Interesting. My lovely hairdresser Andrea (with the ICU husband) suggested today: "Just get them to sign a form. I refuse the vaccine, therefore I waive my rights to be treated in hospital"   Radical but kinda logical.   And a whole Pandora's Box.
  15. 3G in Restaurants?

      How much shite are you gonna continue to talk?   I had my hair cut today by my lovely hairdresser Andrea. Her husband works as an ICU nurse in a local hospital. The eight ICU beds they have are full. They're talking about taking over another ward. All non-emergency surgery has been cancelled.   Every single patient in ICU has covid and is unvaccinated. I repeat, every single patient in ICU has covid and is unvaccinated.   So let's forget about your vaxxed/unvaxxed split idea.   This is happening in real time. Effecting real people.   Because of idiots like you.