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710 Awesome

About Chelski

Profile Information

  • Location Weinheim
  • Nationality British/Irish
  • Hometown Peterborough
  • Gender Male

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5,526 profile views
  1.     It's a well known fact that doctors often gloss over the real problem and make it sound less serious.    
  2. Fantasy Premier League 2021/22 (aka FPL)

    IB is over, FPL is back!   GW4 Deadline Sat 11 Sep 12:00   Obviously we still have the fall-out from the IB.   Will the Brazilians be allowed to start?   Will Ronaldo start?   Questions, questions...   Good luck all!
  3. Recognition of divorce

      That's very kind of you Metall but I have no idea where to start.   I just enjoy observing our host nation and thinking WTF? Especially when comparing it to Britain.   That then creates this huge cultural abyss in my head which is a great vacuum to be filled with humour.    Thank you for the compliment.
  4. Recognition of divorce

    Me and Mrs Chelski got married last year. I was divorced in the UK in 2006.   In preparation for the legalites we both took a day of work. She took all the relevant papers and we started at one Amt, then moved to another Amt and maybe another. I don't clearly remember as her instructions to me were: "Don't say a fucking word. Let me do the talking. Just sit there, smile and nod your head. Only speak when spoken to... and PLEASE don't steal any more fucking stempels!" *   Mrs Chelski is very good with Beamters. She adopts this lovely, bubbly, chatty personae. She can melt an Ice Dragon in 2 minutes flat and a male in 30secs simply by sitting up straight and sticking out her tits.  Which is a highlight for any Beamter who's just had people moaning and complaining day after day.   * My mate down the pub says that allegedly this may be a reference to when I first arrived in Germany. Mrs Chelski took me from Amt to Amt (register, social security, DAK etc). At every Amt when they found out I was British they just said "Ausländer Amt! Not here! Ausländer Amt" so we went around in a few circles but eventually got me sorted.   I couldn't speak a word of German and but the one thing I couldn't help notice was the stempels. How archaic! The first point of contact tended to have 3-4 hanging from a wooden stempel carousel. If we were referred to a senior colleague and moved desks into the inner office maybe 6-8. On two occasions we ended up in the Bosses office. Who had 12 or more. I was very bored and on many occasions people had to leave their desks to seek further advice. I like to do card tricks as I do have the sleight of hand.   My mate down the pub says that allegedly the final score that day was Germany 0 - 13 Britain.   I have no idea what he's talking about so couldn't possibly comment.
  5. Only in America...

    Texas.   What is wrong with these people?
  6. You seriously are a most dreadful human being.  
  7.   Considering she's been dead for 16 years, you're one sick puppy.  
  8.   Possibly the most valid comment you've made on the whole thread.   But reading through the whole thread...   You're a 40+ white, male who still lives at home with his mommy.   Your job is IT monkey wrench. You were sent home to work in April 2020 and now refuse to go back to the office citing Covid concerns.   You leave your attic computer room only when called down to dinner by mommy. You survive on tuna sandwiches the rest of the time.   You're a valued member of various conspiracy social media sites and just cut and paste the articles to Toytown. You also cut and paste the prepared responses.   You have never had a meaningful relationship with a woman. The last time you kissed a girl you were 6 years old. Excluding Mommy.   All your 'friends' you quote don't actually exist in reality. You have no friends in reality (see conspiracy social media sites above).   When not trolling, or working, you jack-off to porn. You have six extra new keyboards ready to go at anytime to replace the 'damaged' ones.   You're an Amazon Prime customer.   Your entire porn collection is hidden/hosted within your employer's database. Of which you are the Admin.   Am I right? I think I am...   Seriously though, this is just my opinion. I don't post it as fact.   Unlike you.
  9.   Just don't call it "Death by Mushroom".   It kinda gives the ending away...
  10.   So welcome to the real world emkay!   It's kinda fun... and a bear free zone.
  11.   This short film is so, so good.   I sent it to one of my school friends (who's now a senior lecturer in media studies at a UK Uni) and he played it to his students.   Loads of positive feedback from the kids.   Thanks for reminding me.    
  12.   It's actualy 'a' modern idiot to be gramattically correct but hey! I appreciate Bears need to learn too through feedback.   So kudos for stopping shitting in the woods, with the Pope, and trying to assimilate with the human race.   But you've failed badly.    See you next Tuesday.