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About alderhill

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  • Location Niedersachsen
  • Nationality Canadian
  • Gender Male
  • Year of birth

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  1. Travelling with a 2.5 month old

    Hello OP, I remember your other post.   Only you can decide if it's really worth the (potential) hassles. I've heard both good and bad tales about travelling with an infant, but until the baby is there and it's 2 months you will not really know how much stress it will be.   Personally, for a one-week trip, it doesn't seem worth it, even granting it is your sister's wedding. As I said in the other thread, there's just still so much going on at 2 months. One day, she may have children herself, and will understand why travelling is/was too difficult, so don't sweat it. I get that it's not ideal. My dad and quite a lot of friends from back home couldn't come to my wedding, but eh, life goes on.      And aren't you Irish? Presumably your sister is too. I know personal choices, etc. etc... but why fly all the way to Mexico from Ireland to get married? Cancun has nice beaches and water and the nearby Mayan sites, but it's also a very touristy block of hotels and touts with American fast food (nearly at American prices) lining the strip. It doesn't really scream 'romantic' to me. Spring Break (for American college kids) is anywhere from early to late March (mostly mid-March), so you'll also have to reckon with packs of drunk/hungover and horny American 18 year olds anywhere you go.   Any chance of your sister moving her destination wedding to Germany instead? (Probably scratch that... The process is not impossible, but would include a great deal of paperwork and waiting.)  
  2. Your local Mieterverein/Mieterbund. Are you a member yet?   When you left the keys, what do you mean? Where did you leave them? How did the landlord retrieve them? Presumably he got his hands on them before the new tenant did? As you say, he cannot now prove what might have been damaged by you and not by the new tenant. I don't see how he'll get around this, at least not without (should it get to that point) a legal process. It is his mistake. I am sure in the end you will get your money back. I once had to wait 9ish months, after pestering our prior landlord several times.   Sure, it's just usually not a good idea from a landlord's POV.
  3. How to date without tinder

      I see that you're Iranian. Maybe Persian, maybe not. In my hometown, there are a lot of Iranian/Persian (I know some Azeris and a few Yazidis, too), though mostly the richer upper-class or middle-classes who managed to get out in the 90's. I don't want to generalize too much, but from my limited experience I always found Persian girls fairly secular, friendly, and yes pretty, but also what we'd call 'high-maintenance'! One of my best friend's dated a Persian girl for years, as have other friends, and I also saw Persian classmates' and their partners... Just my impressions. So here you are in Berlin!    You may want to look up the definition of 'cultural cringe'. A lot of immigrants/expats feel this when in another culture. It's a pretty common phenomenon, so some of your compatriots might be feeling it too. Can be in one's own culture at home, but often more when moving into a new culture, especially in the early years after moving. I certainly feel it in some ways, and I can remember a phase of being totally embarrassed by North American tourists I'd see or hear here in Germany. I care much less nowadays either way.   From my own experiences in Berlin, and that of friends who live(d) there: I see it as a big never-ending conga line of people jumping in and out all the time, chasing their dreams (realistic or not!), never quite 'needing' to settle down or even consider it, because there's something new around the corner all the time. (TBH, I think a lot of big cities are like this.) People date and obviously form relationships, some which can go on quite a long time! But I think there is definitely an attitude of "temporariness" in a lot of people. Or, they've moved to Berlin with a very particular idea of just how it's all going to be (bohemian rockstar hipster, whatever), and if you don't meet those casting call guidelines, you don't have a place in the film that is their life, and so you're simply out. Of course, you can try to mould yourself to these casting call guidelines, it will work to an extent. But I think playing a role just to date others also playing a role is a recipe for disaster in the end. It isn't really like this in, say, mid-size towns, nor even (I guess?) Cologne or Hamburg or Stuttgart? Or Munich? I dunno. Haven't visited enough to say.   As has also been mentioned, Germany doesn't really have a formalized dating culture like you might know from American films. I'm married to a lovely German woman, but overall I have to say I do find many German women sort of closed off, the "chemistry" more of an inert gas. In fact, it's probably more that Germany itself isn't really a small-talk friendly mingling idle chit-chat sort of culture. Well, most people are open in the right context, just not with strangers. In mid-size towns I've lived in, it's not so bad. Berlin is definitely different! I remember going to bars in the student city I lived in (Münster) for a few years. We'd go as a group of friends (always mixed male and female, though usually more female than male -- and mostly foreigners, though some Germans too), and not even trying to hook-up per se, just to go out, have a few drinks, dance, smoke (back in the day...), and chat and wrap it all up with a döner at 3 am. As I recall, many groups of girls would form what we would eventually call "buffalo circles", these impenetrable rings of angry silence, where if you dared accidentally brush shoulders from behind, an evil stare or a shove would be waiting. Forget trying to talk to anyone! I was even once told "vee don't vant to talk wiz foreigners!". For a group of us from different countries, including other European countries, it was sort of perplexing.   As for dating tips, I think others have already said what I would've... Try joining clubs and activities, work on expanding your social circle in general. From that, opportunities will arise. As you work from home and spend a lot of time online for job/socially, you need a 'real world' outlet. Tindr came just after my time, but I recall OKC and other websites and lots of the frustration, too. I had dates, some short-term relationships as well, but lots and lots of dead-ends as you describe (I later met my wife in 'real life'). You just have to remember that on average, women are inundated with literally hundreds of messages, not to mention vey brash sexual one-liners, dick pics, 'negging' and so on. If men are the buyers and women are the sellers, than almost all online dating is a sellers market. Just how it is.
  4. How to date without tinder

      I've heard there are a lot of women here who love to blow the horn? With good lip muscles and breathing techniques? Am I in the right club?
  5. New words or sayings

    I have this pinned to my wall at work. 
  6. That's understandable. I hope it works out for you guys. Sounds like Plan B is get her on a spousal visa. How do you think your long-term job prospects are?    Keep us posted.
  7. New words or sayings

    Although it's not a fixed phrase, and as such might lead to confusion, you have to admit it shows some creativity or application of a certain kind of logic. God knows how much I butcher German with my literal calques and so on.
  8. Niederlassungserlaubnis keep after divorce

    You haven't given us relevant information to be able to tell you.   What is your home country/passport you hold? How long have you been married? Do you still live together? How long have you been in Germany? Were your prior residence permits based on your marriage, or work, study, etc? How long did you have those? Do you have any children together? Do you have a criminal record here? Have you done an integration course?    Generally, if you've been married and in Germany for less than 3 years, don't speak basic German, and don't have children, then you would theoretically be asked to leave. In most cases, they would shift you to another residency permit if applicable, though you may need to meet other obligations first. The chances that they snatch away your residency permit, and strap you into a seat on the next plane to your homeland are very very low.
  9.   I asked my wife if she knew, she shrugged and said 'I guess it's just unpaid'. But this tingles the senses of my little inner German lawyer, and I don't think this can be right! I assume it's covered/calculated by Elterngeld?... Perhaps it's just lumped in with the month, if it's not calculated daily... 
  10.   I did a little more reading. They are two still distinct things, but: it may be less confusing to think of Mutterschutz counted forward from the actual birthdate; Elternzeit counted backwards from the first full year of the child's life (first birthday, 2nd, 3rd, etc.). It is possible to lose or gain time on Mutterschutz. So thinking in those terms, yes, actually, it would be the first reckoning!  In terms of pay, Mutterschutz is distinct. In terms of returning to work, it is not. Mutterschutz is labour regulation, Elternzeit is a social program.   Rather, @BB1990's question is also posed a bit incorrectly, as neither option is quite true. Elternzeit is not counted from the child's birthdate, but (again) backwards from at least it's 1st birthday (or 2nd, 3rd, etc. depending on the length of time taken away). The number of months is not fixed either, as you can stretch it out in a number of ways. Anyhow, 8 weeks Mutterschutz full pay + ca. 14 weeks partner's Elternzeit 2/3s pay + ca. 38 weeks OPs Elternzeit 2/3s pay = 60 weeks, or in total ca. 14 months. However, you need to count by weeks down to the day of the child's birth. Calendar months are irrelevant and confusing.   BUT OP also has to consider that if Elternzeit is shared, it is also used up at the same time individually, like tokens. So if her husband takes 3 months right away, 14 - 3 = 11. The first 8 weeks for OP are Mutterschutz and not Elternzeit (as far as pay is concerned). But in the 3rd month, after Mutterschutz, they are then both using Elternzeit at the same time (-2), overlapping. This actually pulls forward the deadline of OP's return to work by one month. She has "9 months" remaining, but counting from the child's birthdate minus one month earlier.     Mutterschutz is 6 weeks before the planned birthdate and then adjusted based on actual birthdate (8 weeks following). E.g. our son was planned for the 21st of a month, but came on the 10th. Thus, my wife lost 2ish weeks of Mutterschutz. We also have a friend whose child was late by nearly as long, and she gained two weeks of Mutterschutz. Since our son was born on the 10th of a month, 56 workdays later, wife's Elternzeit officially began. Mutterschutz ended on the 16th, Elternzeit began on the 17th. But with standard "1 year" Elternzeit (with no overlapping months) she would have to return by the 9th day of the 12 month (one day before son's 1st birthday). We did it differently, but just to demonstrate...   In the example linked, the latest the mother must have returned to full work (after the period of 2 years paid/unpaid Elternzeit, for which she applied) is, as mentioned, by the child's 2nd Lebensjahr, i.e. day of the 2nd birthday. Again, done counting backwards from the actual birthday. But for mothers taking official Elternzeit, this still formally begins at earliest 8 weeks after the birth, due to Mutterschutz. It this case, it looks like she applied for Elternzeit from the birthdate. I'm not sure how this could be confused, because on the paperwork you need to write the exact days, so should've known in advance... And not responding to a legal letter due to being abroad, she is shit outta luck.   Elternzeit being voluntary, if a mother wants to return to work 8-Mutterschutz-weeks after the birth of her child, she can. For fathers or the other recognized parent, Elternzeit can be taken from the day of the planned birthdate of the child (though I read somewhere before that in reality, almost all fathers just take normal holiday/Sonderurlaub at first, if anything). This would be using the couple's shared Elternzeit of "14 months". But in other words, mothers still don't need to (and can't) use formal Elternzeit during the first 8 weeks of the child's life, because that's precisely what Mutterschutz is for. Elternzeit starts after that, and yes, is counted backwards as including Mutterschutz. There is more to the law, regulating other conditions or nuances, but enough, oder?    I suppose part of the problem is that often the term Elternzeit is used informally (technically incorrectly) to refer in general to the whole time period parents have off after the birth. But it and Mutterschutz are two still legally different things.
  11. Complete FAIL

      Back to school beer, and a classic fat lazy American in a mobility scooter at Walmart. Probably photoshop, as 14.88 is also well-known in white power kabala. 14 standing for David Lane's 'famous' slogan I won't bother to repeat here, and 88 for HH (H = the 8th letter) Heil Hufflepuff or something of the sort.    
  12. Schadenfreude

      I recall my first winter in Germany. I'm from Canada, where it's generally way too cold and snowy for winter bike-riding. Not so in Germany, at least where I was. I found it mild, hovering around zero, a few centimetres of slushy snow no big deal. So although I was a seasoned bike rider, I wasn't actually that used to riding in snow and ice per se.   Cue my coming up to a red light. Wasn't going so fast, but fast enough on a packed layer of snow a couple centimetres thick, covered with a thin layer of ice. I braked too sharp, wheel stopped dead, handlebars turned, and whoomp, I did a sliding fall on my side, legs in the air, bike on top of me. I wasn't the only cyclist at the lights, about 7 or 8 others beside me had stopped, with one or two coming up behind me. And NOT ONE PERSON SAID ANYTHING. No offer to help me up, no one asked if I was OK, just total silence and looks, and (maybe just my imagination) one or two smirks. A few seconds passed then I pushed the bike off me, dusted myself off and gave myself a once-over. I wasn't hurt, just covered in wet snow, slightly embarrassed, but more than anything I recall being astonished at the silence and total lack of aid. I was still fresh from Canada and used to a different standard. That's not even the only time something like that happened, just the first. Obviously, some Germans are willing to come the aid of downed and injured strangers, but my impression is that the majority are not.      
  13.   Make your plans, but remember that little diddy about the best laid plans o' mice an' men. At one month, your baby will very much be giving the orders! You may not want to travel if the baby is an unholy crier, if you have stitches or scars in uncomfortable places, there's Wochenfluss, possibly post-baby blues, general stress and fatigue, if breastfeeding is harder than expected (heads up: it can be harder than expected!), if you're using formula milk, or 101 other unexpected things. Then, the thought of being away from home may be overwhelming. There's also the series of mandatory first doctor visits (U1, U2, U3, etc), and your gyno will be wanting to see you too. If you have a midwife (which I highly highly recommend!), this would still be during the period where she visits you regularly. If you have to leave the country, you will also need identity documents, and these take time. Birth certificates involving foreign parent(s), then Kinderreisepass, and so on. If you manage to get all those in the first month, I'd be amazed.   Not to say you shouldn't travel, or that I'm doubting your hardiness, but I know that my wife and I certainly had to re-evaluate a lot of short-term plans once our son was here. Two months to find your bearings with a newborn is not unreasonable. Is it possible that you are instead visited by relatives?...
  14. Schadenfreude

      I recall a moment when I was a kid. Summer, parents driving us somewhere, and we were on the highway. Car beside us cruises past, window down, cigaretted hand dangling out. The driver horks up a big green smokey loogie and spits, and the wind carried it, perfectly, smack into his own face again. I can still remember his shuddering and shaking his face, grabbing the steering wheel, and my sisters and I, who had all seen it, laughing.
  15. Studying in non eu country with a niederlassungserlaubnis

      We don't always get our cake and to eat it too. You have to make some choices, sounds like.    It's called a "settlement" permit because it implies settlement. The Ausländerbehörde is under no obligations to make it easier for you to live here again after you leave to live/study somewhere else. Simply wanting it as a safety net, while understandable, is not going to be a compelling reason from the Ausländerbehörde perspective. Especially combined with a divorce from your husband/partner, who, as you say, your residency here is tied to. This is why they put a 3-year trial period on these things... You say you are not sure if you want to live here, which does not sound like a resounding endorsement of Germany. So, with all due respect, why stay?    You can try to switch your visa to a work visa independent from your marriage, but you will lose some rights in the process, and the 'clock' may be reset in some aspects.