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Staying cool when the discussion gets hot

Toytown Germany has seen some bitter disputes. It is easy to get in disputes online, especially in an environment allowing as immediate a response as TT, but please remember that we are all here for more or less the same reason, and that there is a person at the other end of your conversation. Flame wars are counter-productive and make TT a less pleasant project for everyone.

Here is a short list of tips that experienced readers have found works for them:

  1. If someone disagrees with you, try to understand why, and then take the time to provide good reasons why you think your way is better.
  2. Don't engage in name-calling. Terms like "racist" or "fascist", or even "moron", anger people and make them defensive. When this happens, it becomes hard to have a productive discussion.
  3. Take it slow. If you're angry, take time out instead of posting. Come back in an hour or a day. You might find that someone else has made the comment you wanted to.
  4. Keep in mind that raw text is ambiguous and often seems ruder than the same words coming from a person standing in front of you. Text comes without facial expressions, vocal inflection or body language. It is easy to misjudge the mood and intention of the person who wrote it, all the more because, when two people are at loggerheads, it is often because they are operating under very different assumptions and/or aren't communicating well with each other. In responding, make it clear what idea you are responding to: Quoting a post is O.K., but paraphrasing it or stating how you interpreted it is better. Furthermore, qualify your interpretation with a remark such as "as you seem to be saying" or "as I understand you" to acknowledge that you are making an interpretation. Even if you doubt you have misunderstood a person, you may well have, and anyway it is polite to suggest you may have misinterpreted while proceeding to say that he or she is dead wrong.
  5. Assume the best about people whenever possible. TT has worked remarkably well so far based on a policy of openness. This suggests that most people who visit do want to help, and do succeed at helping.
  6. Be prepared to apologise. In the heat of the moment we sometimes say things that were better left unsaid; the least we can then do is make amends.
  7. Sometimes, you just need to walk away. Do not let a stressful online war supersede your personal time. Take a time out from discussion that gets too hot; contribute to other discussions. After all, is that not why you are here? To discuss things and share information?

Dealing with insults

Occasionally, on TT, despite everyone agreeing that no personal attacks are appropriate, harsh words get flung around - occasionally by longstanding members, but more often by newcomers. There are various ways to deal with this:

  1. Just ignore it. Name-calling may be offensive but it is not very helpful or mature. Go about your business and do not worry about it; you are not required to respond.
  2. Politely ask the person who you feel has insulted you to retract what they said. Sometimes people say something insulting by accident, not realising that their words could be taken in a certain way. Other times people will change the way they act when they realise they have offended someone.
If you yourself, through accident or anger, insult someone, an apology might smooth things over. If you sincerely meant the insult and can not honestly apologize, sometimes it is best to fall silent. If that does not work, try refocusing on the issue at hand; try to be more specific about what action you disagree with, rather than insulting the person.

See also



This article was derived from: Staying_cool_when_the_editing_gets_hot

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