Pleeeze help me

Here's the thing. I cannot decide whether to live in Berlin or Munich, I need some white flour to bake bread, and my visa has slightly expired.

I have spent 1.3 seconds looking for the answers but have the intellect of a flip-flop so have decided to start my own thread.

Can anyone help me please before I looose my mind.

I've frozen my scrotum to a lamppost in Dinglebärisheim in June. Plz hlp kthxbye.

Go to german police and explain that you have no visa and are therefore illegal. They will ship you home and your decision about Munich or Berlin becomes irrelevant and you will also be able to buy as much white bread or flour as you want back home in any supermarket. Problem solved. Next.

I'd like to help, but I can't understand your writing. Please remove all capitalisation and punctuation and make a few basic spelling errors and maybe I'll get your point. Try also to avoid using the Return key, since large blocks of text are much easier to read.

It's this type of post that makes me very angry! A quick search on keydeck would have given you the answer without bothering other people who have better things to do than read Toytown!

When do my bahn bonus points expire??

I would be liking to sell my isarcard, rings 1-4, valid for the month of April.
Since I only used it once, I will be selling it for 43.50. Original price was 42 euro.
Thank you for your input.
Rajput.

Can we discuss the things that annoy us about germany alongside the US election and while your at it advise me how to switch my drivers license to a german one?

hiya

i need some piece of paper for my job that sez i live here can somebody tell me where the Krv is please? i com from peru will i has a problme?

thnx in advanc

I have rabies and I've locked myself in the car at the SBahn station in Taufkirchen. Do I need my drivers licence to buy the blackbread that I need to fashion into a coat-hanger to get me to the church on time? I've searched all over and only come up with this. It is very hot, please bring water and Maggi sauce.

I am new to Germany. Can anyone tell me where I can speak German in this country.

I'm British, can anyone tell me where the closest Tesco is?

I'm American, can anyone tell me how to stay fat while i'm living in Germany? , and what is the german word for supersize?

i am english teecher and lucking to give peeple lessons in english - u can ritch me any time @ my mail addy if u r intrested

I come from India and my girlfriend she is from Argentina. If we get married on the airplain on the way to Germany (we come for October-festival) will the marriage be recognized in Malawi? I really want one of those babies like Madonna got.

Leeza, if you send 10,000 euros to my Malawi bank account, I organise it all for you. It cost more than that, but because I win Nigerian lottery, I have 125,000,000 Naira coming to me, which I receive once I pay agents 10,000 euros. Then I give you half (and the baby).

My salary will be 100,000€. Will that be enough to live on?

You will need at least double that because Oktoberfest is so expensive.

My name is Mario and I am from Bologna. I want to go to the Oktoberfest with my 26 work colleagues because I have heard that it is easy to grope women there? Is this true?

Why are the shops closed on Sundays?

My wife has run off with something else. Is there anyone in my position out there?
Could we meetup and have awesome discussions about our mutual tribulations?
Is it easy to find other wives in Germany?

Hi, I'm from a Polish/Ukraine/Moldova and I have been blitzdings by the polise. can some one tell me if i will be deported this week or after Hanukkah?

Why doesn't german bleach bleach?

Why don't you all stop your German-bashing and go back home if you don't like it here.

I need to find a job in Germany right away. Can anyone help me? But only, I don't know in what part of Germany I want to live, or what my skills are, or what languages I speak, or what education I have had. But whatever... just something.

Search/Google etc. is your friend so no we cant help you.

see:plz hlp me from Okt.2 1952 or check i ned hlp from Jan 2 1484

Can anyone help me find this blond chick who was sitting on the same carriage as me on the S-Bahn last Saturdsay night?...eh...think she was German, she'll know who I am becasue I was throwing up on my shoes at the time. It was in Munich, I think. Please PM me.

I look for nice Germany lady to have sexy-time. You want strong man? I am for you. Send me message at sexy_time@yahoo.kz. I show you time of life.

Can anybody tell me where to buy sausages in Munich.

Ooooh, now you're asking a little too much. Next thing you're going to want is 'BEER'

Has anyone tasted the cheddar?

Where are the swingers clubs in Munich and do I need a streifkarte or a single tageskarte inneraum?

I have a 2007 Austrian Motorway Vignette for sale. Barely used. I want €1 but will consider offers.

Also have a single size 47 Wellington Boot for sale in blue for 50c. Buyer collects.

p.s. If anyone has anything for free please PM me so I can sell it here 3 days later.

How much is the Wellington and do you have it in blue? I've sent you a pm.

I need to go do some grocery shopping. Where can I find a nice cheddar or pie?

Why you people so mean, you all nasty to newbees, i onee want some help, so fcuk you all i never cumming back here.

Can anyone tell me where I can find a Catholic church in Münich?

Can anybody tell me where I can get a quick shag?

Which bank account will give me commission-less tea? And will it be the type of tea I want? And will I need to go to ADAC to get the tea leaves translated? It's urgent: I need to know whether to get a divorce or not. And in which town.

Where can I change my life savings of £10 into €uros? The rate at the bank is not the one I want. I can see that back in 1945 this would get me 400,000 DMks so I don't understand why the bank are being so mean today. It think is becoz I is black? The lady at the bank looked at me in a funny way so she is racist.

A friend of mine has just masturbated for the first time. Does anyone else have any experience of this? She's not sure if she was faking it, so please post quickly.

Unless you've said anything I didn't agree with in the past, in which case don't bother, because you're on ignore. But that doesn't mean you can insult me, because I will still see your posts.

God please help me. I'm going mad. What is it with german TV? Endlesss cooking programmes where each meal ends up looking like vomit, re-runs of white trash programmes like Vanessa from the early 80's (what is with it with those mullets people) and 26 million murder mystery progammes every night - I'm only guesssing here though as I can't speak german and anyway I am hard of hearing so I am having to lip read when I can. There are a lot of blue flashing lights.

So, how can I get Sky TV in Frankfurt Oder and what size dish do I need to get? I've done a 'forum advanced search' but nothing works for 'TV' or 'sky'. Will 60 cms do?

Over three hours later, and no advice. So it's obviously true - Germans really are unhelpful. My friend and I are very upset and neither of us will be posting to this forum again until the next time we need something.

hi everyone! I'm planning to move to Berlin next month and I'm so excited!
I have a PhD in fresco paintings from the later Byzantine period and well, I'm just hoping like haities there's a job out there somewhere. Wish me luck everyone! PM if you hear of anything opening up!

I sneaked into the country from the Ukraine via Slovakia in potato truck. Do I need papers to get a job as a nanny? Alternatively, could I get a job teaching German as a second language. Would my inability to speak German be likely to cause any difficulties in this respect?

Can anyone tell me where I can watch fußball on TV while getting drunk?

Buy a 'folding chair' from Ikea and then pop into Tengelmann for a 'kasten' of Augustiner on your way to MediaMarkt. Wave away the sales people with a cheery "nur schauen".

Moving out sale - final bits and pieces

1 Gillette Venus razor - blade only used twice - 2 Euros
6 Guest toothbrushes - probably not all used - 50 Cents each
1 bottle Channel no. 5 - half used - 5 Euros
1 bottle Victoria Beckham Intimate - used once - 10 Euros
1 bottle Kylie Darling Perfume - not opened - 15 Euros
*please note that all perfumes are without boxes as the bottles have been on display on my bathroom window ledge for the last year (labels accordingly faded)*

Various other sundry opened bottles may be taken from the side of the bath for free if required (all Body Shop) plus pumice stone.

Rubber duck is reserved pending collection.

Do not reply to this thread as I will not be checking regularly - please PM

I just went to Lidl, but they were closed. Don't Germans eat cheese on Sundays?

Now the grass has dried I want to cut it, but my neighbour says this is "FURRY BOATING" today and is waving his arms at me.

Anyway I was thinking. Can I pop out today and buy a robot lawnmower as then it won't be me cutting the grass?



p.s. He also stared at me so I think he one of those Nazis that is hiding.