German tabloid mocks British holidaymakers

From Yahoo! News: German guide to Brit-free holiday

Bild is the German equivalent of The Sun. Both are ridiculous.

From BBC News this morning: German tabloid mocks UK tourists


K

And the actual article here: Zu viele Deutsche im Hotel – Brite kriegt Schadenersatz!

...with a lovely photo of two elegant ladies enjoying a siesta in the sun.

Bild doesn't really give itself much room for the moral high ground, does it.

Edit: any more than The Sun.

Let's face it, I'm English and I agree that it's about time Jerry took the piss for just how fuckin' dumb yer average Johnny Britisch can be sometimes. I bet 'alf these Union Jacked monkeys have got Hannovarian blood in 'em anyway. You read The Sun. You gotta expect to be treated like something what came out of a gutter. Mind you, read Bild and you're just as bad. Send both sides to Ibiza for a weekend in August to wipe each other out and leave the better genes of each nationality to mingle. Oh yes!

Yeah, what a class act Bild is. If you want a daily run-down of the misinformation, mistakes and outright bullshit they print, go to bildblog.de

In the latest Spiegel media section they have a little item on how one of their front-page titty girls published in August 2003 was only 13. The bildblog write-up on that.

There just sore because they didn't win the war and German isn't the number one world language...

Clearly the photo of a bloke in Union Jack shorts is a fake, I mean, when was the last time you saw that without tattoos and a large beer belly?

I used to go out with this German lady when I first arrived in Munich. We got talking about the war and I got all nationalistic. One thing she said to me which stuck in mind, was about the relations between the English and the Germans before the 1st World War. She said: "The war was terrible, because before it the English and the Germans were in love with one another." I don't know if it was her lack of the English language that made her express it in this way, but I thought it did sound fucking sexy.


I do think the 'English man - German woman' combination is excellent (don't know how the converse works...). Latin women may seem to be more 'sensual' but they're fucking hard work if you don't come from a latin orientated country yourself.

I still think the reputation of English food been a bit wank is unfair. I miss English food a lot. Worst in the world has to be Finnish- it's just not right.

Social decline in England is pretty shocking. It used to be that the English working class were the salt of the earth. Now they're just uncouth scallies living well above their means in a 'buy now, pay later (or never, and just get yourself in a financial mess)' credit card culture. The gap in Angleterre just seems to be widening. Shame really.

Ah, the Sun and Bild - a partnership made in heaven.

The newspapers of choice of those people that pay cash to go abroad to do exactly what they would do at home on your average weekend.

With the added bonus of complaining when all the people working in the local shops don't speak their language.

The kind of poeple who think an airplane travels at the same speed as a clapt out intercity express.

Sun readers...

From London...2 hours by train may get you to outside London, perhaps to the south coast.

2 hours on that thing with wings and you are almost in eastern Europe - as such, they may, just may have their own language. They may also have a problem with your accent as they may have learned to speak english correctly and can tell you are pulling your grammer out of your arse. The rest of the UK cannot understand you most of the time so what xhance to they have overseas.

Do us all a favour, don't go abroad you make the rest of us look like twats.

German bild readers, please go abroad and stay there, we thinks you are all twats.

I (we) will be on Ibiza in July - for the nth time at a German-speaking hotel/club with plenty sports etc...

Certainly Ibiza has many British tourists - not just San Antonio - St. Eulalia has heavy influence.
I recall a few years ago at Ibiza airport waiting for luggage to appear, standing adjacent to where the flight from Glasgow had come in and feeling sorry for the poor kids being shoved around by uncouth parents who had obviously imbibed a few too many on the flight...

I hardly think pitting the germans against the holiday makers from glasgow would be fair.

Give the germans a chance, let them bring along austria and switzerland to even up the odds a little

Don't they know we won the War and the World Cup in '66? I didn't think we had to do anything else except rest on our laurels..

That would certainly even things up, as England would presumably bring a Russian referee and linesmen with them...

Interesting to see the Bild article saying:


So basically "For us that would be an unmistakable sign that the place is swarming with Britons (eg in Mallorca)".

This towel reservation thing is certainly not a German trait in my opinion.

You work hard, pay good cash to come abroad , drink copious amounts of beer, try to get laid (generally you dont as drink wins..) and eat english breakfast...then you end up in a hotel full of boring ass germans who are neither ''craic'' for man or dog...f*** yeah I would sue.

Now I would sue if this lot turned up at my resort

wayne rooney´s stag party hits ibiza

Rooney, if he didnt have football talent would be working as a double for a donkey's ass somewhere.

At least a donkeys ass has two lobes to it..

The only reason he stands out a little form his collegues in the football world is that his bird was with him before he made it as a professional footie player.

He must have something other than cash, perhaps he is like a donkey in other ways...

Big ears to hold on to???

Having been in 'Linekers' (are they a chain?) in a number of mediterranean resorts, I'd say they are best avoided all of the time

From Bildblog:


This could get fun.

"Worst in the world has to be Finnish- it's just not right", have you eaten freshly caught Finnish salmon, some oven-crispy small roasted potatoes, fresh crunchy baby carrots, fresh spinach, mustard with a large glass of Finnish beer, or take for instance some reindeer steak, fresh vegetables, and new potatoes, berry sauce and a large glass of red wine. You'd think it would be expensive, well you're wrong because all of the ingredients is locally grown/farms, unlike most of the English food! When was the last time anyone had ENGLISH FOOD? The worst food has to be Austrian.

I thought I was going crazy, but we did do this: Should the whole world speak English?, British tourists soured by an all-Deutsch holiday

wow, the guy obviously had a case...insecure Germans mock him, end of story. Maybe they should just hang their towels on beach chairs 6 months in advance.

I think he deserved every penny he got. He was not told how many Germans there would be there. Would you go on holiday if you were the only Brits. it would be ok with the French but Germans !!!

I have no problem going anywhere and being the only brit or the only native english speaker.

After experiences in the some of the more touristy resourts its better that way.

The Brits my last hotel on Crete was swimming with (app. 90% of the guests) were chavs of the lowest level. I recall one 2-year-old boy who yelled and screamed all the time, even when his mother was carrying him. No wonder - she had a lizard tatoo-ed from her shoulder to her neck and behind her ear, enough to put anyone off his feed. The food was Brit-oriented, the animation was English only, and they still whined about something new every day that wasn't like home (I think the pebbles on the beach were too rough).
Did I sue? No, I put it down to experience and avoided that travel agency in future.

On my very first trip back to the UK from Berlin I was infront of a nice couple form Newcastle. They were winging at anohter group of people abut Berlin.

the gist of the winge..

Berlin was too expensive - not sure how they came to that conclusion. I guess they stayed near the brandenburg gate and stayed in one of the hotels there...

It wasnt like home - well, theres a suprise...

They didnt understand the language - even one of the other group laughed at that...

German sounded a bit like spanish in the mexican restaurant - i am not kidding...

The final laugh was when the woman said they found 'a bar like yateseys in the town so went back there' - for 3 days...

I think its far better to sue because of the chav infested resourt than a place full of germans.

germans i can handle and i like - chavs should just be used for spot - hunt a chav, save a fox

surely the guy got compensation because he paid for an all-inclusive holiday where he and his folks couldn't take part in the activities because they were all in German?

Of course but sticking to the facts would be far too boring for The Sun and Bild.

Should've gone to butlins.

just in time for euro2008.

Just want to clear up all the shit that's been posted about Poland.

First off, pre-'39 yes, you could say there was a bit of a Germany/Russia"love-in". Basically we both new we couldn't go firm-on-firm with each otherfor a couple of years. September '39 we piled in to Poland from the West side, Russia came in from the east. Anyway, the Poles had some game lads but didn't stand a chance. #### me you should have seen the scruffy kuntz, on ####ing horses ! Ours were all dressers, all quality chaps. So that was that for Poland, we bided our time and let the Russian mob think they had some sort of a result, while we bowled all over Western Europe taking liberties everywhere we went. At this time we was UNDISPUTEDNUMBER 1 FIRM in my opinion, although others may see it different - WE DON'TTRAVEL DO WE !!!???.

We obviously expected to get a result in Denmark, Norway, Holland, Belgium and Luxemburg etc, but even we wassurprised when we went through the French Firm in a couple of weeks. For f*ckssake they even had a mob of English guesting for them till they got on their toes at Dunkirk. Looking back I reckon we should have chased harder andfinished the English then, but at the time we was happy enough with the result. We was on such a roll , we decided to take it to England - mid '40. Now I know England was on the back foot, but you have to say fair play to us for having a pop, they was virtually unbeaten at home for nigh on 900 years.

Anyway, like I say we took it to them with our Luftwaffe firm, and for a long time it looked like we'd come out on top. Fair play to the Englishthough, the Spitfire and Hurricane mobs were top drawer and in the end we had to pull out. Didn't help that the fat c*nt leading our firm into that row (H***** G******) had already claimed a result! Can call him what I want now - he topped himself before his court case on a Section 250!We did get some major results against the English at sea - they thought they could hide behind escorts but we broke through again and again. Thensome clever ####er sussed how to tap into our text messages (you should have seen the size of the ####ing mobiles in them days). That was game over in the Atlantic. The guvnor (AH) was well ####ed off, but he had decided we now had the numbers to take it to the Russians on their own manor. If you ask me he had enough on his plate with the English - and trying to sort out the Spurs mob at home (in fairness that was more HH acting on his own).

Anyway, we had a good go in summer '41 - any honest Reds on here will admit this - we run you all over the Ukraine and had you on the backfoot at Leningrad. At the same time we legged you all the way back to Moscow - poxy winter definitely robbed us of the result there.

That was a big winter all round. We'd had a bit of mutual respect with theJapanese mob for a while, but I've got to say I was well surprised when they steamed into the Yanks on their own turf. Suddenly we're at odds with every cnut and his dog. It all calmed down for a bit late winter, for me we spent too much time swapping shirts and not enough time concentrating on their firm - it was inevitable the Reds would come back, the numbers they can pull when they have to is ####ing amazing. Anyway, we run them again through '42, and chased them all the way back to Stalingrad. #### me did it go off there! It was toe-to-toe for months - seriously.

I know everyone talks the numbers up but I'm not lying if I say we took a good 200,000 there. Trouble is them ####ing Reds just wouldn't give up, and in then end we had to turn it in. It is well known one of our top boys (FvP) went down too easily for a lot of people's liking. In the end we had about 90,000 nicked, so you can't say we didn't make the effort.

Looking back that winter was where it all started to go wrong. England had got a major result at a pre-arranged meet in North Africa, the Americans were chasing the Japs across the Pacific, and that ####er (B***** H*****) and his mob were steadily bombing the #### out of us. We thought we could count on that little eyetie bastard (BM), but he got sorted out by his own firm, and suddenly we are on our own. I've got to be honest and say we didn't get too many results after that, Kharkov maybe, but then we got turned over big time at Kursk, when it was strictly Firm-on-Firm - all top boys, no baggage - and after that a lot of our older lads decided to turn it in. Some even had a go at THE top boy (AH) but it never come off. After England and the Americans decide they would come across to join in it was curtains, we got squeezed back from both sides and in the end, no question Russia got the result when it came out on top in Berlin. Crazy days though, makes me laugh with these lads today and all this ! "we brung60/100/150. . . . you didn't show" etc. ####ing hell lads - 60 years to late for the party.

No doubt some gobby ####er will come on and dispute what I say, but respect to the proper lads who know the score.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=LuIJqF8av6I

Well I have no idea what the hell the post above is all about, noit about to read it either with that font.

But don't know if this has been posted or not




Telegraph Expat

I think all is fair in love and war on this one. I mean, are Germans not allowed to poke fun at the English or something?

I do agree with the resort hit-list though - Faliraki - eek! Any why did the louts have to destroy Ayia Napa too? It was so respectable 15/20 yrs ago until it went all Ibiza, and heralded the arrival of the Ben Sherman/Top Shop-wearing clones.

Besides, most of those resorts (or at least the tourists there) on the hit-list are also about as homophobic as a Sandals package holiday experience - how nice...

If the Brits didn't have such a hangup about Germany and Germans, there would be no problem. Unfortunately, Brits can't seem to let go. WWI and WWII ended last century and it is fucking time to move on.
BUT NOOOO, you got to go and start a towel war and bore the rest of the world with lame war jokes that haven't been funny since before TV was broadcast in Technicolor! I think it is time the UK head a referendum on a new National Identity. Lord knows you could use an updated one.

Don't bloody lump us all together with the likes of Sun readers and Johnny Norfolk you bloody Bush supporter you!

@ Editor Bob

liked this bit from the bottom of the article most:

I've been on a couple of holidays in mainly German hotels and no probs but there again i wasn't expecting to have onsite babysitting facilities to grant me some free time without the rugrats.

I agree eurovol (I wonder how many times I will be able to say that).

I can remember being in Malta and pretending I was German due to a load of louts.

OMG!!! buwhahahahahaha

You embarrass me more than any pikey, lout or scally ever, ever could.

As said a few posts up, do not lump the general UK in with Sun readers..

Its like saying all y'awll 'mericans speak with a southern drawl und sturf

The problem with the sun is, the paper is far more interested in selling papers than actualy reporting the news. They are in a way, the gerry springer show on paper. As such the paper has to be treated the same way.

Read it, have a laugh but for the sake of your sanity and view on the world do not treat it as the truth.

It can be funny, i am still laughing at 'kraut of order' and also the fact that the journalist (loose use of the term journalist) most likley has no idea that what they wrote would make no sence in english if you translate it...

'Cabbage of order' - would only apply to a politican saying something he shouldn't in parlament.

As luck would have it, just to prove there are people who will believe anything everywhere, the germans have the bild! I am looking forward to a war of words between the two papers and their readers even though they wont have a clue what the other is saying or even get the jokes.

Since when has that stopped a newpaper printing shite...or stopped anyone having a war for that matter...

No chance, they'd lose too many of their regular "readers"

Both are terrible newspapers, but I was on holiday in Spain last year and I can see why British people find Germans annoying on holiday in Spain. The worst thing about the Germans on holiday is they don't talk to anyone ... unless they're German. At the resort I stayed in near Benidorm, the Brits, Spanish and other nationalities seemed on quite good terms with each other, but the Germans were like a separate group and cut off from everyone. The middle aged Germans were pedantic old farts in and around the apartment building and the young ones were like, erm, rather boring, playing beach volleyball and never inviting anyone to join in. Not that different to the Germans here then.

There were loads of Germans at my hotel outside of Mombasa last year. They stole our ball when it went out of the pool as we were playing water polo, claiming it was too dangerous to play it in the pool. But as soon as we got out those bastards were in there playing up a storm!

And they reserved their sunbeds before breakfast. True story.

Seriously though, I'd be pissed off if I'd booked an all inclusive holiday and been unable to take part in the activities. Suing the company after they gave him -was it half?- his money back is a bit ridiculous though. It's like those fools who eat an entire pizza and then complain there wasn't any onion on it.

It would appear that, true to history, the germans (or in this case Bild) have decided they can fight on many fronts..

I heard they have started a words war with the Polish version of Bild..

Funny thing being, the polish version of bild is a daughter firm of Bild.

Germany, england, poland and football in the background (or not so after seeing the picture form the polish paper), just like old times..

I'm sure I read somewhere that the Sun was based on the Bild when it first came out.

Fixed it

Apparently the Bild poll showed that Germans are pissed off with 'other' tourists reserving sun beds with their towels!? The nerve.