German etiquette (all kinds)

What advice would you give to a newcomer to Germany regarding German etiquette?

Bit of a vague question.

Probably good for at least 5 pages of mindless waffle, xenophobic jibber-jabber, half-baked ideas presented as fact and much more besides. Probably a pikey or two at some point as well.

As a very first step, to join TT and do a search for etiquette. Plenty of useful information there.

Follow it, the locals will like that.

Would also help to know where in Germany the person is located. Customs vary quite a bit from region to region.

For Keydeck.

Ignore everybody else, be impolite, bump charge, push ridicule and don't listen to others. But act like you've just been fisted without prior lubrication if some uses the "Du" form.

Don't start drinking an alcoholic drink without clinking glasses first, and looking your company in the eyes as you do it.

Give us some profile information and then you might get some information.

Might be helpful to know where the person is coming from.

Maybe from up the road from me...i'm sure there is a place called lorelei (or similar) on the Rhine where you can jump on a boat to do a Rhine trip, isn't it also one of them sirens that lure the sailors on to the rocks...or am I totally confused

Remember this..

A german queue works more like a funnel filled with water pouring into a bottle than a stright line.

Get used to this, work your way to the front. If you can manage to get down the front of a packed bar for a pint you should be able to manage a german queue.

I'm guessing from somewhere along the Rhine.

Not forgetting to blatantly stare at all and sundry until you get eye contact then look away

devour your food like you have been a starving hostage...smack loudly, click your flatware and make lots of noise like monkeys eating. That will get you thru most German meals.

Oh, and be sure to sop up all sauce on the plate with bread. I do this automatically now. I think I'm blending in...

oh...that's not just German...if the sauce warrants eating to the last drop, sop it up baby!

Occasionally stopping to LOUDLY blow your nose

Make sure you hold your fork as if it's a shovel or you are ready to stab someone.

If a delivery person (DHL, FEDEX etc) come to your door with a package for a neighbor half way down the street make sure you take it & then spend the rest of the afternoon looking out of the window/door for said neighbor to arrive home.

I suggest you ask your neighbours how things work where you live. We did and it was a real help. Knowing things like what is generally considered good manners and what not can really help you along. In our village for instance people do not mow the lawn on Sundays. OK if you know that and want to fit in a bit you mow on other days. In some villages even hanging your laundry out on a Sunday can be offensive. Here it isnt but it was appreciated that we asked. The way I see it, people have a lovely village with traditions and suddenly these foreigners arrive. If they make a bit of an effort to adapt then everyone is happy.
Also I would suggest they try to join in. There is a big difference between city life and country life of course. In many villages they have what is called Nachbarschaft. Literally translated this means Neighbourhood. The idea stems from old times when people had little money and few social safetynets. The nachbarschaft is usually a small group of houses (about 15). Traditionally they helped out at weddings, funerals with sickness, but also on the farms. But they also celebrate occasions together. What is quite funny is that everyone just leads his own life but the nachbarschaft is there for backup.

When my husband had to go to Australia to visit his sick father I had a problem because he works parttime and minds the children on days I work. No problem, everyone was there to pick up the kids and babysit so I could keep working. Our direct neighbour is a farmer and when he has to move his herd from one field to the next, again the nachbarschaft will all come and help. One of the girls in our Nachbarschaft is having trouble at school with her English so I help her. No money exchanges hands for these things. During the recent milk strike our Neighbour provided everyone with milk from his cows. Again no money changes hands.

Besides that they get together to make decorations for wedding anniversaries, they have parties at birthdays (optional if you dont want to celebrate yours no problem) and they might get together for new years drinks, a summer barbeque etc.

You always have a choice if you want to be part of the nachbarschaft. But in my opinion it is definitely worth doing so. Our neighbour was brilliant when we first came here. She went with us to organise all the paperwork (insurances, counsil register, car registration, child allowance etc). And even now when we have to do something official she will call around for us, find out what it is we need to do. She really is a Godsend

AFAIK, mowing a lawn on Sundays is verboten throughout Germany.

This is so true.
I have actually gotten some weird looks when I blew my nose on the S-bahn withouth making much noise. That is definately against the culture.

If you are a student make sure to blow your nose everytime the lecturer are about to say something interesting.

On a serious note, though, some Germans find it difficult to hang with me because I don´t like making appointments. In my home country we don´t usually plan what we are gonna do three weeks in advance, but rather act spontaneously. This don´t go to well with the Germans (I´m over generalizing, of course).

Aww come on, the Germans are totally into being spontaneous as long as your spontanaeity is planned.