The European's guide to surviving in America

1. Despite what you heard back home, we don't all carry guns so leave your flack jacket at home.

2. When bumping into people, we like for you to say "Excuse Me" or you may just find the rare pedestrian that is packing heat (carrying a gun).

3. Tax is not included in the price you see displayed. Yeah we know, we only do it to fuck with tourists.

4. Despite what you were told, we don't only have fast food places like McDonalds and Burger King. We actually have restaurants too although we never eat there, they're just for tourists so you don't catch on that all Americans only eat fast food.

5. No, you don't need to get confused with an overwhelming onslaught of variety in our grocery stores, you can still go to Aldi and have a very limited selection just like home.

6. If you are first to a door, it is our custom to be neighborly (look it up if the word is new to you) to open the door for the next person (who will respond with a Thank You).

7. Yes, you may turn right on red unless noted... so go already!

8. Capri pants on men and handlebar mustaches are not cool and we are not laughing with you.

9. Paying your waiter/watiress $25 on a $24.50 bill is not considered a tip, its an insult. We like good service and we reward people for it.

10. No, we didn't all vote for Bush and the majority of us hate the things going on in our government. A simple vote doesn't change it all over night so stop blaming every day people for the actions of their government.

11. No, the waitress does not want you to leave because she keeps coming to your table to ask how you're doing, its called service (look it up). Get used to it because we have a high standard in this area.

12. No, you won't be forced to drink Budweiser. Believe it or not we actually have tens of thousands of different kinds of beers throughout the country. Micro brews are gaining in popularity and chances are you can find your favorite beer from home in the US.

13. Just because you visited New York City, Los Angeles, Miami or whatever for a week, doesn't mean you have seen everything possible to understand us or our country. Something done in one place doesn't mean its done somewhere else. Same for laws, prices, taxes, speed limits, shops, people, accents, etc.

14. Yes, we call your precious football - soccer. Get used to it. No, we likely don't know whats going on with the premier league or Bundes League. No we also don't care to answer you as to why football is called football and soccer is called soccer - you gave us the name so stop bitching (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Football_(soccer)_names)

15. No, we are not all fat so don't assume the thin athletic people are foreigners or that they just don't have enough money to go to McDonalds.

16. No, we dont commonly know much about your politics or leaders... we don't obsess over your country like you do with ours.

17. We don't wait for the little green man to cross the street, we're adults and we can tell when its safe ourselves. Walk at your own risk and know if you wait for the green man you will wait alone.

18. That expression people have on their face as they talk to you or pass you on the street is called a smile, and that good feeling you get when talking to random people is a result of friendliness. Try it sometime in your home country!

19. No, that woman sitting alone at the checkout register isn't on a break she is actually working and free to check you out quickly, don't be fooled by the lack of a line that wraps around the store.

20. No that guy grabbing your stuff and putting it in bags is not about to run off with your newly purchased goods, he's call a bagger and is there to provide a service. No, the bags are free so don't worry... however it is nice to tip the guy, but not required.

...so why do you have laws against "jaywalking", just like in germany? we don't have them in the uk

If the lights turn to green and the car in front doesn't move off straight away, don't blown your horn. Actually driving the car is about number 3 or 4 on the list of things to do, behind drinking coffee, talking on the phone and eating.

:-) Great post however...

1). No one where I am from talks about Americans. We are not that interested in you.

2). Stop being so impolite and watch where you are going. We are not mind readers and do nnot know when you are about to change direction.

3). Its nice you add this extra maths dimension to shopping, we learn % at school so we feel we can skip the extra work.

4). Correct, you have more fast food companies than ayn where else in the world. Thats why they opened here. Please take them back.

5). I am not overwhelmed, I just think its like being in an asda of tescos but with different stuff.

6). It is our custom to let you get to the door first, nice to see this works for you as well.

7). Thats also nice to know. Thankyou.

8). Now you know why you always seem to be in a comedy club when you are in europe, we are not laughing with you either.

9). We only give so little as an insult, giving nothing says 'I am an ass', given 50 cent says 'you were crap'.

10). We realised that as he didn'T get 100% of the vote, once again, % is covered in our schools.

11). Does this explain all the attention I received at customs? I thought the waitress wanted to offer me sex as she is paid so little for the job and as I am exotic as i am not American.

12). This is indded god news, bud is crap.

13). Being from europe (which is cnected to other places than itself) I had already realised this on a global scale. Please try to keep up. Alo, please learn that europe is more than one country, you have been here long enough. Have you realised yu are out of the states yet..

14). I also have no idea wo is good at your sports and we would rather you didn't try to understand ours. We would rather watch than explain it.

15). Nice to know but we assume that being fat is an individual thing.

16). We are not realy botherd about your leaders, only when they are thick and stupid. We are also like this towards our own leadeers.

17). Neither do we, we also have little green women.

18). From numerious hemoriod adverts I thought you were all just in pain..

19). This also reminds me of tescos.

20). Thankyou, but I am not a etard and can pack my own stuff thanks. If you were still not trying to work out the sales tax maybe you would be able to pack your own stuff.

Please over look any typos, i am in a meeting, you can guess how interesting it is :-(

Now you are all worked up... lets see who goes left at the traffic lights, takes this way to seriouly and starts a shouting match.

21). Learn to see the funny side, not all europeans are anti-american. Some of us even like you :-)

Cheer up, its nearly the weekend.

It's amazing to me how many Europeans go to America, think they know everything there is to know, drive around in their rentals, and then get suckered into only eating at the convenience eateries with the roadside location or the biggest sign. Then they come back to Europe and bitch about the food. Had a colleague who went on a two week golf trip to the Myrtle area. He came back bitching that he couldn't get any "frisches Essen". I asked him if he tried the local seafood. He said they couldn't find any seafood restaurants. I asked him if he tried any of that Carolina Barbecue. He said sure, they had burgers every other day. Complete and utter failure. But hey, he knows everything already.

BTW cb6dba, fast food is growing in popularity in Europe because there is DEMAND for it. Take my advice, buy Burger King (stock ticker BKC).

Addition propmpted by above post.

22). Look around, see the sights, find a bigger supermarket. Aldi is not the only one we have here in europe.

I have to admit, as a European, I spent some time in California last year, in the Napa Valley to be precise and it was a bit of a culture shock. It was just strange to be in a place in which the same (sort of) language was spoken but yet everything looked and was so different. I was pleasantly surprised and thought the food was top! Especially the steaks and when we went down to the coast, the seafood. It took me a couple of weeks to adjust properly, I found it slightly disturbing how friendly the people were at times, generally if a stranger grins at you and asks how you are in London - you get the hell out of there because he's got to be nuts. After I realised that this wasn't a town full of mad people who talk to random strangers on the street, I really enjoyed it and loved the fact that you could get into conversations with anyone and everyone. I felt like part of the community after only a month. I miss it and it did kill any pre-conceived ideas I may have had about the US.

lol american men are some of the worst dressed in the world - I laugh at all the twats in their chinos hiked up around their armpits and their tucked in golfers polo shirts- and dont tell me that the yanks dont have a higher moustache ratio than most of the western world

Americans in general may not have the best style, its true - but the trifecta of the man capris, man purse, and feauxhawk (or, as I have seen now in vogue with the youth around here, the feauxhawks incestual mentally handicapped offspring: the feaux-mullet) beats anything we put on the table..

Also I would like to add to the list:

New York Yankees hats - I know these are popular even among people who don't know what a baseball is, but for god sakes, the only acceptable color to wear is navy blue with a white NY logo.. Its been that way since the 30s... You are not a rapper, no matter how much poorly dubbed MTV you watch, and it is not acceptable to wear camoflauge or any other cheap knockoff.

What about cream colored with a navy blue logo? Isn't THAT how the uniforms actually were?

It's no good going to one of the nicest places on earth and forming an opinion about the whole country, you need to go back and visit another part and then go again to another bit, and then... Napa Valley is a seriously nice place and the wine they produce and you can sample has absolutely no bearing on this opinon!
America has a lot going for it, especially for tourists, there is just so much to see, almost as much as Europe!
The Yankee style of service does start to grate a bit after a while, all this false gushing over-friendliness did start to irritate when I was last there, but it beats a sour faced grunt any day of the week.

I know that Allershausen I just meant that still this still showed me that there are some pretty darn nice places in the US and not all as stereotype dictates. If there's one such place there's probably more. Doh!

Yes, the wine is lovely - my other half was making it there so I got to taste LOADS perhaps that's what made everything seem so wonderful. Hmmm.

Pure class L8, especially like 18.

He didn't say the US didn't have laws, he was saying is that people use common sense (not so common here in Germany) when crossing the road. That the red/green men amount to nothing more than a suggestion like STOP, LOOK and LISTEN in the UK.

is it really 'common sense' to cross the road on red when there's a law against it though?

If its an unenforced law, sure..

well then I think the OP made the mistake (often made by americans) of trying to group all europeans together

@Worm, are you suggesting that Europe isn't one big happy country...

I think thats kinda the point considering its a tounge in cheek reply to the other thread in Life in Germany.. Although its kind of dumb since the other thread was posted by an American..

its a fact that all of europe is one big happy family. we are all identical in outlook and ideology. It was only the other day whilst talking to my french and german chums that I saw a serb and a croat holding hands and waiting patiently at the traffic lights before skipping gaily down the road to buy some pasta and chorizo

Were you all wearing man capris?

I thought it was hilarious. Here's a list of things I think are really funny about Germans. Not bad, just "different"

1) When they go swimming, they just swim OUT, FAR FAR AWAY where most of us americans are thinking DANGER DANGER DANGER! Whenever I go to the lake all I see are tiny heads bobbing about a kilometer out in the water. I myself am a great swimmer, but I still wouldn't go out there.

2) Germans are terrified of the dreaded draft. Who hasn't heard the words "es zieht" about 10,000 times here? Like a little wind'll hurt you, but walking around naked outside in winter after being in the sauna won't.

3) Germans are not, on the other hand, whimpy about unrefridgerated food. Most americans would look at the egg section of a german grocery store and have a heart attack. Eggs?!?! Not in the fridge?!?! The same goes for leftovers.

anyone have anything to add to the list?

just dont go its shit, shit stacked ontop of more shit stacked upon more shit, fat arsed lazy slob americans.

Wow, now that is golden. I forget that Europeans dont group all Americans in one bunch! Just a few days ago I was on a business trip and my co-worker who was driving suggested we stop for lunch. No problem, lets grab a bite to eat. He then told me he would do his best to find a McDonalds but has only been to the area once before. I asked why we needed to go to McDonalds when there are lots of little restaurants and places all around us. "Oh sorry, I thought since you're America you'd want to go to McDonalds". So I told him "its okay, I thought since you were German you'd only want Sauerkraut and bratwurst". Needless to say we didn't eat at McDonalds, somewhere I rarely go...but I will admit to loving Portillos (Chicago area only I think).

Dont give me this crap that you dont generalize. Nearly all the threads here eventually turn into some post about Americans being fat, stupid, don't know geography or whatever. My post was meant to point that out exactly. Tired of being forced to defend my country over the same shit day in and day out. Sorry it gets old and yes, it does force me to become defensive.

@crowes: Someone must have had a layover in New Jersey..

I did once. First thing I done was get a cab to the MOMO in NY, then a red-eye to SLC Utah next morning. Is NJ actually a place?

Its a place, insofar as a landfill or a nuclear waste dump is a place.

And on this thread L8knight was the one to mention americans being fat..lazy...

Fantastic post when you consider he mentions that europeans group americans together while grouping us all together while making the point.

Would the 'you' mentioned in l8knights post please stand up and say sorry, as l8knight doesn't like generalizing he could not have possibly meant the whole of europe.

Not after complaining about people generalzing, Its like complaining about something you have just done yourself. I think there is a word for that.

is there a stereotype that says everywhere in the US is horrible?

Its not a stereotype, anymore than saying dogs walk on 4 legs. Its true, we actually have a classes from 7th grade on on how to be as horrible as possible (especially to uppity Europeans).

So you're denying that there is an overwhelming number of topics related to or transformed into generalizing and bashing Americans on this forum? You deny that it is not the "in" thing to do and nobody has a problem doing it? Maybe you don't realize it yourself since you aren't targeted but most Americans can tell you it is exactly whats going on. Yes, we all come here to complain about things in Germany...its how we vent some frustrations while living abroad but its not the picture I paint for family and friends back home. I am always quick to praise Germany in the things I see as positive but I don't shy away from pointing out things I find disgusting (#1 on my list is the need to constantly defend myself because of where I was born to people who know little or nothing about me or where I am from).

How many American's that you've met while on travels to America started attacking your country or making negative comments about your countrymen back home?

I'm not American but can tell you its going ok. Frankly, its embarrassing and says more about those dealing it out than it does about the recipients

What's amazing is that most americans come over here & think we give two tuppeny buttons about what they have to say. It IS essentially the americans I've met over here that make me realise why I have no interest in going to that country you took from the native Indians.

Ooh, and those people that do go over there thinking they know everything have probably spent too much time with BD ....

We'll try to survive your absence.

Amazing. It only took two pages for the the European version of Godwin's Law to crop up!

usually only takes about two posts...

Don't think i've met any, they couldn't find England

JOKE OK.

AAAHAHAHAHAAAA! You are English, right? You think the big bad annoying and mouthy Americans just popped out of no where and killed off a bunch of natives?

Anyway, anyone know why the US flag was at half mast today? Don't think they do that for German politicians as the other topic states.

No really, we came here to find out what you think.

We didn't take it from the Indians, we took it from you. Most of it was bought and paid for thereafter.

Today is International Vertigo Sufferers Day

It's an insult that waiters/waitresses in the US are paid peanuts in the first place. It's no wonder they kiss your ass to get tips!

Its a great thing that waiters/bartenders work for tips from the waiters point of view (assuming you aren't a shitty waiter and you dont work at dennys or ihop). You end up getting far more money than you would for a no skill required job elsewhere and a good deal of it doesn't get taxed.. Bartending got me through college with a pretty good standard of living, just sucked to give up your friday and saturday nights till 1 or 2 am to make good money.

Its also better for the patrons because the guy working has some incentive to give good service.

It's no wonder you get treated like crap here since they don't work for tips.

any Americans on TT suffer from E.D. (erectile disfunction) ?

Whilst living in North America for a period of time last year, I literally witnessed these television advertisements hundreds of times ! Must be a common problem !

hilarious !

ads would start, "hi my name is Brad and I suffer from E.D."

Cracked me up every time !

Didn't a famous basketball player do one of those ads?

quite possibly, was a whole string of them ! fucking hilarious anway !

Never seen that one. But I don't watch Oprah either.

It's the disclaimers on these Ads that are the funniest.

"Consult your physician immediately if you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours"...

@Bumpy - I do not watch Oprah either but a variety of other network stations and these ads are EVERYWHERE. Seriously. They are sandwiched in between the ads that help you lose weight; lower your cholesterol, improve joint movement; improve breathing; get around easier with the help of these motorized chair thing; wake up in the morning; fall asleep at night; get rid of theose inexplicable aches and pains; reduce the size of your prostate; get rid of genital warts... Honestly, I now find myself taking 237 different types of pill every single day just to go to the bathroom. I don't know how I managed before

I have American TV here in Germany and those ads irritate me and they are seemingly the bulk of the commercials. All these pharmaceutical companies advertising their crap to people so they can run to their doctor screaming "I have this! I need this medication!". Disgusting to me. Admittedly a real problem, along with insurance companies dictating people's stay in the hospital. I shouldn't be aware of any medication until my doctor proscribes it to me and explains why I need it, not through some company forcing it on me.