Vatican publishes new sins for the modern age

Roundly criticised in the British press as a bunch of hypocrites the Vatican have drawn up a list of new sins for our time. The new virtues are listed here on The Times:


Bishop Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, has drawn up the list which, without any sense of irony, includes paedophilia and gathering immense wealth as sins for which the punishment is the usual eternal toasting. Deceit isn't directly listed as a sin which allowed the bishop to blame the media for the church's exposure to paedophilia claims, saying the issue had been “blown up...to discredit the Church”. Business as usual there then.

Aside from all that, what would you add to the list of sins and how would they be punished?

Umm, I thought those quoted traits were the seven virtues.
My sin is wasting time on the internet. Punishment is reading the chaff as well as the wheat.

I'd be up for the new sins, if they'd be willing to get rid of some of the outdated, redundant ones.

maybe they'll also publish a point system like:
no-recycling: each time you get 2 points for hell
using drugs: 3-10 points for hell depending on if it's a soft or a hard drug
getting rich: 50 points for hell cause you getting rich means you are not paying church tax

Sins and their punishments

There doesn't seem to be any relaxation on the penalties for the existing sins, these are new ones adding penalties for stuff that didn't exist the last time round, like genetic science. Driving up business in the 'fessup box, apparently. The Register has a link to the original text, if you speak Catholic.

It would be nice to be able to motivate hundreds of millions of believers worldwide against my favourite hate - people who think the fecking city was built just for them and they can park where they want/race round the city like twats/jump queues/let their dog shit wherever it wants/complain when they're held up by anyone else. They'd be first off to the Vatican for some Papal reprogramming.

So polluting the environment is on the list then.
Any chance the Pope is cutting down on his long distance trips then?

But... The Book of Dave never mentioned this event.

You couldn't make this shit up if you locked a thousand monkeypriests in a room and told them on pain of eternally driving a Nissan Micra in first gear to make this shit up.

No, wait...

Let's take a look and see just how black that kettle is, shall we?

Environmental pollution
With the amount of hot air the church spouts, the Vatican has got to be a leading emitter of greenhouse gases.

Genetic manipulation
Ok, you got me on that one.

Accumulating excessive wealth
Aside from sitting on what some believe to be the world's biggest stash of dirty books, the Vatican's coffers are full to overflowing with filthy lucre. Unlike public companies, they are under no obligation to report the state of their balance sheet. However, in 2001 it was believed that the Vatican Bank was the resting place of over $55bn in laundered money. This probably represents less than 1% of the bank's liquid assets. Add to this innumerable works of art and property around the world, and you come up with a figure that dwarf's anyone else's "excessive wealth" by a country mile.

Inflicting poverty
See above. You don't get that kind of cash without inflicting poverty on someone, probably quite a few someones.

Drug trafficking and consumption
By proxy. The Vatican Bank's connection with the Mafia are well documented.

Morally debatable experiments
By proxy. Its support for fascist and Nazi governments would imply that it had no problem with Dr. Mengele's School of Medicine.

Violation of fundamental rights of human nature
No abortion, no contraception and the threat of Eternal Hell-Fire and Damnation for those who practice it. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

No offence intended to our Catholic brethren - people should feel free to believe whatever fairytale they like. But likewise, those of us who find the idea of a religion which advocates a "Do as we say, not as we do" approach somewhat laughable, are free to poke fun where warranted.

U CoE Von? Thats the blackest kettle going

The teaching of religion to any child under 12. Let them get to a point where they are relativly free minded before they start looking at religion.

QUOTE

I keep reading that as Genital manipulation which is probably also a sin

Inability to park fuckin' correctly = 9th level of hell. Bastards!

There would be very few people left

I see the Vagina Monologues are back on.

unless you're a catholic priest

The Vatican has selected a representative to explain the new, and old, sins.