The American's guide to living in Germany

Okay lessons we as Americans (and those who know us) need to learn.

1. They DO NOT Take VISA: and they do not care it’s the only form of money you have and further more they do not understand why anyone would put a euro twenty on a card at McDonalds. Learn to bring cash!

2. Not Everyone Speaks English. I am aware that in the USA they tell you that every where in the world they speak English but really. Not everyone speaks English...

3. YOU as an American are not special or thought of as cool for being one. In fact just the opposite they see Americans as loud and obnoxious... so in fact you mother lied you are not special more so in Germany.

4. Not all people who look Middle Eastern are Terrorist. So try to resist the urge to stare or panic when you see one.

5. The majority of the people of "Color" are actually African. Really! Try not to break out in a mass of Ebonics.

6. Learn your address and phone number in German! In English it will not help you!

7. Please try not to dress like an American, Look around you. You look strange and are drawing attention to yourself. That neon tri colored shirt with matching tights and swag boots are not in fashion here, the girl at Wal-Mart was wrong it is not on Paris runways!! It screams American. I swear, look around you a bit ;you do not have to change your style but at least try to blend in just a bit.

8. Do not carry your passport everywhere you go. Read the Embassy website; make a copy. leave you passport in a safe place. Unless you are traveling.

9. Learn your geography. And that the USA is not the center of the world.

10. There is a huge difference between American English and British English if you do not know the word you just heard (and all of its meanings) don’t repeat it!

11. There is no Wal-Mart in Germany. if you need a cooking spoon go to the kitchen store, a sewing needle go to a sewing store sometimes you will find it all at a grocery store, they do not believe in one stop shopping here.. And more likely than not they also do not take Visa!

12. The large billboard of the two naked people is not porn it’s an advertisement please try not to stare or get out your magic marker. You will also see this in the newspaper. Get ready

13. Yes they trust that you have bought a train ticket right up until the point where you get caught. They have a great amount of trust try not to blow it for the rest of us.

14. If you trip down a large hole that they left un-covered without signs there is no one to sue. In Germany they expect you to know better. So watch what you’re doing.

15. Pedestrians do not have the right of way, if you get hit by a car on the red man, you can not sue them and more so it is your fault.

16. Never laugh at a German who is trying to speak English to you! They will never speak English to you again, and then you are in trouble.

17. If you tease taunt or in any way insult one of the many foreigners around you they will more than likely knock you teeth out. Leave the foreigners alone.

18. Never eat a Mexican burrito at the Christmas market. Seems like a great Idea and exciting to see but really you are in Germany now. German/mex is a strange combination.

19. Our Dramatics annoy the Germans; try to refrain from tears-screaming-and basically all emotion.

Okay come on let us help out the fellow Americans who are struggling. What have I forgotten??

LOL, I'm just wondering how many of these you discovered personally.

EDIT: You forgot to add that increasing the volume of your voice will not make Germans understand english.

Have you seen the following site. Very funny accounts of some American tourists and their behaviour when abroad...

http://www.ricksteves.com/graffiti/archives/ugly.html

That there are Americans who have lived in Europe for several years and are sick to death of stupid, self-loathing Americans who spend a week over here apologizing for every perceived misbehavior and validating every stereotype to any European who will listen ("It's true!! We all love war and hate sex!!") before f*cking off back home and leaving us to deal with ill-informed Europeans who have heads filled with wrong notions about how we think and act.

Respectfully yours,
A fellow American who is struggling ... with fellow Americans

UpQuark, Don't be silly. Americans are obviously all morons. Get with the program!

Funny post.

Re 9: Yes, the average American I've come across seems to have really poor Geography, which is a shame, because if they didn't then they wouldn't get this 'stupid American' reputation. A bit of advice: at least look at the map of Europe and note its countries and capitals.

Re 10: I wouldn't say there's a huge difference. American English is not a dialect of British English. In fact there are bigger differences within England than between UK and US English.

This one never ceases to amaze me. I've been using my VISA card at garages, shops, hotels, bars and restaurants in Germany for 10 years now. I don't see this problem that some people seem to have. I recall Vienna in the late 90's being an issue in some shops, but in Germany, never had a problem.

That's not true, Keydeck. I just had lunch at Sasou, a restaurant in the very center Munich, full of tourists. Yet they don't take credit cards. They don't take cards of any sort. Cash only. You're stuffed if you forget to go to the cash machine first, which I often do.

Same at McDonalds throughout the country. Cash only.

It is true. Or at least it's true that I've never had a problem. Perhaps I've not noticed such instances because I happened to have cash on me at the time, but I honestly cannot recall ever having a problem.

I've seen EC card receptacles in McDonalds, they look like a black lollipop that you slide your EC card down into.

Actually I didnt know until a few weeks back that Molly Malones does not accept EC card, but take Visa. Which I thought was a little strange.

I will start praying that that Technology actually comes to Cologne.. So far we have EC.. I have seen a smathering of places who take that and even less that take visa.. My favorite store do not..

Not sure I agree with the notion that Americans have poor geography skills. At least not the Americans that travel.

I'm taking German lessons at the Volkshochschule, and while that isn't exactly a hotbed of intellectualism, most of the people in the class were unable to find their own country on a map. The girl from Morocco actually began her search in South America.

Why does this strike me as being somewhat of a British tinged portrayal of an Americans Guide?


They both read the same don't they?

No idea.. they might be.. ( british/ american)

The address thing No!

you have no idea how many students I have had to teach numbers to over and over.. 56 ( fifty six) versus sechsundfünfzig
zero zero two versus null null zwo
it gets confusing more so when the person you are trying to tell your addy or phone number to can not speak english

They're not spoken the same though are they, or didn't you know that? What do you do if someone asks you for your address and telephone number, hand them a piece of paper wih it all written down?

Editor Bob in spreading myths about Germany shocker!

MacDonalds take EC cards.

that is not a credit card machine. goes back to the posters point of not being able to pay with a Visa card.

if you wanna pay with Visa, you have to ask first. a lot of places still don't let you.

My favourite story about Americans... I was standing in line at a Western Union once in Frankfurt and the American at the counter was trying to change his German Euros to Spanish Euro!!!

Funny!

We were in Port-au-Prince, Haiti a few years ago on vacation. Near a large market and bus terminal, there is a huge metal rendition of Earth. Everything is in proportion until you get to Hait/DR. It's HUGE; probably 5 or 6 times (according to my faltering memory) as big as Florida. Many Haitians actually think that their tiny country is physically larger than the US! However, they, unlike Americans, don't have nearly as good of an education system to teach them these things.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiti

Tourists are notorious for being ignorant about where they are and what the local culture is, try going to Spain with the British. Actually it took me two visits to Spain to realise the Spanish for beer isn't beer!

Two classic quotes from a recent cruise to Alaska that my parents went on: One American women asked if the crew slept on board and another asked if they could use Dollars in Alaska!

When mentioning, for example, that you are visiting the capital of France for a weekend break, there is no need to clarify the point by always referring to Paris, France. Most people here will presume that Paris is in France rather some smallish community in Texas.

Hence the word/caveat EC. It was implied, a mere 240 pixels further north, that McDonalds don't take cards of any kind, only cash.

almost like the poor mis-guided Texans..

Yep your average american is a TWAT

No, most Americans are nice, smart people, which makes the idiots stand out even more!

You get a lot of pilots and flight crews staying at The Hilton around the corner popping into Mollys, who mightn't have an EC card or much cash on them but a Visa card, might be one reason for it. Doesn't explain why they don't take EC though.

Oh gentle jom, I am sure that your country (presumably England by your pig headedness) has a much more enlighted and cultured populous. If not there would be a phrase like "Brits abroad" or some such.

I rest my case.

and dont think just coz you got a Maestro card (debit card) and see a Maestro sign on the shop door that you could actually pay there with it... they only take GERMAN Maestro cards ...sucks...(Maestro former Switch)

and to whoever said paying with an Visa card wouldnt be a prob at all...bet you never tried to do food shopping using your visa card, except of course if you shop at kaufhof, karstadt or such a place.

but even though visa is accepted in some places you are screwed with american express and you're really F$%:@ if you got a dinners club card

I stand by my claim, I bet he's English.

Itsn't a bit pig-headed to just stand by a claim?

There is one of those words TWAT Know what that means before you use it again American Boys and Girls...

I rest my case brother...yep TWATS

I don't know if its pig headed, but its certainly more fun than actually working.

@Dolfan,

Shhhhh... Don't let the germans hear you say that. I think they like to work...

For my part, I like Americans, I like germans, hell I like most poeple.

I do not however (not aimed at anyone in particular) like ignorant people.

Uh, yeah! DUH! It is called a business card.

@ nowandlainers

You come across as an idiot, and a little bit of a C. Just saying.

I dated an American girl who once asked me where abouts in England was Stockholm...bless, i'm sure she meant to say Stockport, then i would have been impressed that she had even heard of Stockport.

A Finnish friend of mine knew a socialogy American student, living in France, who didn't know the UK was an island...that's a bit scary.

Well far from an Idiot or a Cunt but able to be quite a Bitch, when I have to be. I would never presume to trade insults with you as I am sure your intelligence is far superior; as you are able to at least insult people whom you do not know or know little of in such an educated way. Good luck to you.

A friend of mine, an engineer, is working in Chicago at the moment. He was asked the washing-mashine-question by a colleague. Also an engineer...
..."No, whats that?"
"You put your clothes inside and they come out clean."
"Cool! Never heard of such a f*cking great machine in Germany."

It's just what he told me.

I agree with drivin west

It depends on who you're talking to.
When I hear, "I'm going to Paris for a week," I often assume Perris Valley, CA. There's a huge wind tunnel there for indoor skydiving, and having the choice, I'd go to Perris not Paris. Of course, if I'm talking to a non-skydiver, I assume Paris, France... even though I'm from Texas.

Washing machine question? As in 'do you have them in europe?' or...

I was once aksed by an american girl if we, in europe had battery powered watches.

I said 'no, we just have the ones you have to wind up, much like I am doing to you'

However looking at this in a different way, I remember my parents getting their first microwave back in the 80's (I think).

How long had they been around in the states before that?

A friend of mine has a chevey (not sure what year I think its late 50's, its huge and blue and costs him a fortune to to take it out of the garage to wash it) and it has electric seats and windows and a sensor that detects light. The sensor detects the head lights of other cars coming in the opposite direction and automaticlay dips the headlights.

Our car doesn't even have that now!

Ha, ha! I'm Texan.

The microwave was invented in 1947. Not sure how common they were around then, but I do know that we had one in our house (for heating up doughnuts and such) sometime in the mid to late 70's.

Know why we had a microwave to cook our sweet, rich, fatty, tasty food long before you did? Because America is awesome.

My Mother In Law once asked me if we celebrate Christmas in England!

I work in a hostel bar. American guest walks in, asks for a beer. i tell her we have Beck's or Warsteiner. She asks me which one she should choose. I say, well you can get Beck's pretty much anywhere in the world, and Warsteiner... (tried to finish with "...you can also get almost anywhere" before getting in that classic american way - cut off)

"You know, I think I'll have the Warsteiner. I'm really just here to take in the culture." (as if drinking Warsteiner is going to help her discover what it is to be German, as she's on country number 5 of 14 during a 20 day "European tour")

To the people who say that tripe: do you know what culture is, or is it just a general word that you associate with seeing buildings, having a cafe latte at the riverside, and getting your passport stamped? (Lest we forget drinking globally available beer)

What Americans do you know that get 20 day vacations??

the ones who have daddy pay for everything.