Reverse culture shock

Hi there,

I am a German who has been living in the UK for almost nine years. My (English) boyfriend and I are now thinking of moving to Germany, mostly because I have been quite unhappy in the UK for some time. My boyfriend would like to go as well, provided he gets a good job. I have sent applications for jobs in Germany for over a year, and I have finally got an invite to a job interview. In Erding.

I know I might not get the job (my German is not the best anymore, and I have never really been to a German job interview), but I am really worried about what to do should I get the job.

Whenever we are in Germany, we like it but for me it is such a culture shock, and I am worried it might go all pearshaped, and that we will not get used to Germany.

I am using the Munich forum because we would like to move to Munich /Erding.

What do people think? Will it be really hard, how long does it take to get used to living in Germany, is Munich a good place to meet new people (I will miss my UK friends so much, and my curry, and the pubs)?

Sorry this sounds muddled and confused, but that's what it looks like inside my head at the moment.

Its really really hard to go back, I hate living here and am seriously thinking about leaving again. its the culture shock as you say... dunno how it will be for you but i kinda hate living back here and am thinking to myself y should i stay. I just cant get used to the grumpiness of ppl, the way they rush you off at the supermarket and that they are compaining about bloody everything all the time, they dont even know how good they've got it here... go to a dentist for free...no nhs waiting lists and so on, and the terrible pay they're always on about...i've earned way less in the uk and still been happy. but hey they are german and if they cant complain they just dont seem to be happy.
I went to an job interview for a english speaking position but for some reason the guys suddenly decided that it wouldnt matter if i could actually speak english as they simply assumed so and didnt wanna sound stupid trying to speak it to me, so they hold the whole thing in german...awesome i was only a week back and didnt speak german for years and years, so they complained that i would have an english accent while speaking german and that thats no good at all...didnt get it as it was for an english speaking position...anyway... it all depends on you... but be prepared it will be very very hard...guess if you are still "german" then it might be easier for you than its for me...only my passport is german the rest is some relaxed mix up

good luck however you'll decide... remember the whole EU is open to you...in case you decide against the german grumpiness

I was never away from Germany for very long (more than a year at a time), but no doubt you'll experience reverse culture shock, but that does not mean you shouldn't go or will not like living here in the end. I have to admit, I have never really experienced bad culture shock (in the US or Spain) or reverse culture shock (in Germany) because I just take things the way they are and do not expect things in XYZ to be like in ABC. But that is probably a personal decision.
If you are not happy in the UK, I don't see why you should stay there if you have the option of moving somewhere else. If you end up not liking Germany after a reasonable amount of time (to give it time to grow on you again), no one would be stopping you from leaving again and maybe move to another country (that is neither Germany nor the UK).
As for complaining, everyone does it. TT is a prime example of that. Whether people complain or not is hardly a matter of nationality and no one is forcing you to associate with people who make whinging a full-time job. A bit of complaining is human & normal, and I would prefer to surround myself with positive people regardless of which country I live in.

Hi Evening Star

Munich is great.*

I reckon if you and your fella already like what Germany has to offer then that's a good start. I'm intrigued by your statement that, as a German, you're worried about your German language abilities. Anyhow, Munich is not a bad spot for non-German speakers (you and/or your boyfriend). Munich has a fine mix of people so everybody can find their own...but remember, your boyfriend, while happy to play tag-along at the beginning, might not be so happy to play along later if it's just you that's working. Will he be able to find a job?

Best of luck with the move (^o^/)

*some people hate it here

I would also say it's gonna be hard for you to come back. The country has changed - nine years is a lot and you have also changed. Nothing new.

But on the plus side of things you are practically emmigrating (einwandern) and will experience and explore new and different things which you probably didn't know of. So that will be fun.
How long it will take till you are settled and feel comfortable with your surroundings is up to you and it will take time - the grumpiness and the constant jammern sure is a trait to look forward to. Not.
I reckon the more you are 'active' in socializing with others and doing things to keep your mind busy the better.
After a couple of months (hopefully) you will slowly stop comparing your old live with your new one and feel more and more at ease. Wish you best of luck. You go girl!

I think another thing to consider would be the possible added stress of your boyfriend needing help to settle in, when you're not really 'settled in' yourself.. it'll take a while for you both, so it might be worth making it extremely clear to your bf ahead of times that you will also need support, even though it's your own country.

I have serious culture shock every time I visit the States.

Thanks for all your replies.

It is going to be hard, I am sure. I will do the interview in a couple of weeks, and then see what happens. I suppose the thought that we can always return to the UK helps.

Nepia, what I meant with my German language abilities was that I don't find it so easy speaking German these days, but my Genglish is perfect ... I have forgotten words, and I am just not as eloquent when speaking German as I used to be. Fellow Germans have told me that I have an English accent when I speak German (which I find hard to believe).

Thanks again.

Sure, I figured...good luck. Be kind to your BF when he's here and wondering why!

Which part of Germany do you originally come from? If not Bavaria, then simply moving here from other German states is a cultural change in any case, so in your case simply a third place to adapt to (home, UK, Bavaria)

This was me 2 years ago - I returned to Germany after 13 years in the UK and Ireland. I wanted to come back and I haven't regretted it so far, despite all the small and big problems that anyone moving will encounter.

I love Munich and am very happy here - I'm sure you will like it too.

Things are very different from what they were 9 years ago and the culture and atmosphere is very very different. I'm still not used to many things, even after 2 years here and there are other things that I do miss.

If you get offered a good job I would take it - you can always return to the UK if it really doesn't work out. Be aware of your rights though, ie unemployment benefits and the likes or else you may get a very unpleasant surprise.

You won't have all the things you are used to, but you can have UK Tellly if you are so inclined and even UK Food if you want it. Other than that, Munich has so much to offer and a large international community so there is something for everyone.

I too apparently had an irish accent when speaking german when I first came here but this evens itself out quickly. My Germans still a bit shaky though...

Camlough, use the word "cultured" instead of Irish. They're synonyms.

Do not worry about the curry - there are Toytown Curry Nights (every Wednesday) and on Friday Beer Garden usually a few Curry experts make their appearance... everyone will be glad to show you the best curry places in Munich!

Hi everyone,
I am new to the forum and just finished reading the comments on this post. My situation is similar, I also want to move back to Germany after nearly 9 years here in the US. I am originally from Bavaria and my boyfriend is from southern Germany as well. We both have been living in the US for a long time and now that we are serious about having a family and settle in, we feel Germany is the place to go.
You are right about the complaining and the grumpy people but you know what...when I was in Germany on vacation in October, I noticed that most of these people are actually very nice when you make an effort and actually interact with them. I was surprised how helpful and open people were on the train for example... 9 years is a long time and lots has changed; but I have to say, I think most changes were positive. I feel Germany is more open and international now than it was when I left in 99. By the way, my parents are Asian and I have a German and an American passport. It is very important to me to have a multicultural environment and I wouldn't consider Germany, or Munich for that matter, if I felt it is not open and multicultural.
I also have a few other German friends who went back after years in the US. Most of them went to Munich and they love it. Munich is a big city and it has a lot to offer, both on the job and the recreational side. Of course it will take some time to get used to everything but if you are unhappy in the UK, there is no reason why you should not try it. Just remember you always have an option to leave again, should you not like it. I feel the same way about my plans to go back...Just try to be flexible and open about things. Good luck to you.

We are in a similar situation, too.
We're German (am I allowed on this forum ?) This summer, we'll be moving back to Munich after over 5 years in Taiwan, and although I'm really looking forward to it, I'm also afriad we'll be in culture shock.
Like, at the moment when I don't like something here in Asia, I usually tell myself "If we'd be living in Munich, it'd be a lot easier and we'd be happier", knowing deep in my heart that it's not entirely true and that it is of course very easy to picture my life back in Germany absolutely lovely - but that it'll feel differently once we're there!

Of course it's gonna be hard at some point, but I do believe that when you were happy in Munich before, or when you know the city and like it, you can be happy living there again.
It'll take some time to settle. I think probably even a year or longer. The main thing will be not to give up too early and not to question your decision every time a minor problem occurs.

I was happy when I found TT because I think it'll be good to establish a circle if international friends.
And there are so many people from the UK on this forum that it should be easy for your boyfriend to meet someone British.

How odd. Natives worrying about resettling in their homelands and posting their fears on a forum for foreigners who have managed it for the most part without the language or prior experience of the culture.
I mean, if we can manage it...

My advice to you eveningstar and anyone else in a similar position IE 1 German speaker and 1 English speaker is to make sure the English speaker knows some amount of German before you get here, its such a hard language to learn if you're under pressure to find a job and contribute to the household, also it will add much more stress to the lone German speaker in helping the other with such things as CVs in German etc, these have to be translated for the German job market.

I'm starting a course here in Munich, it teaches German along with intergration into German society, then they'll take you into teaching you words from your chosen profession, i have a CNC engineering background and have worked in a couple of places on CNCs and the words such as werkzeug etc were foriegn to me, some still are, but this place will teach you this also after your German is better, you can stay there for upto 1 year and most of it is paid by the government i will pay €100 for the whole thing. Google klaratext i think it's called, my German girlfriend sorted it out for me.

hmmm, still a lot of room for improvement childcare-wise

Agree with UA regarding the OP

To the OP - there are plenty of people here who survive here with broken German and a natural hatred of being barged in a supermarket queue but you can walk the streets at night in safety and ... [read the thousand threads analysing the benefits and problems of Munich/Germany ].

Mrs. Angel is French and we both live in Munich and sometimes toy with the idea of moving to France but I'm not convinced about that idea although she'd be very happy at home, the main reason being this: In Germany we have a common enemy/friend/object of ridicule/target for humour in the Germans and we can both love/hate/bitch/gripe/complain/mock them without either of us getting defensive. Were we in France then I'm sure I'd find the same observations with the French that I make about the Germans and she'd get defensive, same in reverse if we moved to the UK. Perhaps you'd have the same problem? Did you have this when you moved to the UK?

As to job searching - it's a bit tricky here as some companies seem to want a foot thick wad of paper before they consider you're suitable. Weird really, but not all companies are this anal.

And the curry here is shit compared to what you can get in the UK. There's just no escaping this, prepare yourself to enter a curry void.

@ righter: It's not about not being able to manage it, but it is still relocating and therefore somewhat scary.
You may find it odd, I think it's normal and I bet you'd go through similar feeling if you were to return to "home" after many years abroad!

That's a bit harsh, innit? Are you suggesting that Toytowners consume 3700 meals of, well, shit and no one ever noticed all these years?
Don't scare her away before she even arrives ...

I cannot understand this fixation on Curry... Maybe I moved out from UK before Curry appears to have become the standard diet but I cannot stand the stuff...

I'm with you, a seriously overated form of food. I don't actually hate it, however it wouldn't bother me if I never had another.

Curry here is pretty crappy. If a brownie says it, it is got to be

Well, it's not my intention to piss on anyone's bonfire, or contradict the opinion of seasoned curry eaters. If you're happy paying for what you're eating here then all power to you, but for one I'm sick of Munich's curry destinations. I think I was spoiled by my extended trip to India and having time to sample some very fine food, being able to cook a little and being a bit anal by nature.

He he good point. But, whenever I moan to my boyfriend / any other English person about the NHS / the weather / transport / the state of the country, they agree wholeheartedly! I will miss that attitude because I am sure although the Germans jammer a lot, they probably don't like to be moaned at by foreigners.

But you are not a foreigner so you can just happily join in with the jammering. And your boyfriend can always jammer to you, or make him sign up on TT.

Two years ago I returned to Munich after 7 years in Brighton and Edinburgh and 4 years in LA inbetween.
I found myself back here, less relaxed and more frustrated than I thought I would be, wound up by bureaucracy (taxes, social security, etc) and annoyed about the negativity of Germany (if tabloids represent people, then compare the headlines of 'The Sun' to 'Bild' - witty silly headlines compared to constant 'Sky is falling' and Hartz IV news).
I felt as if my energy slowed down, Germany throwing sand in my gears, longing for random things such as 'the Independent', 'No service for 75 miles' signs, anything about Princes Street and Marks and Spencer foodhalls. Girl that I moved here for and I broke up, etc.
But little by little things have improved now. A lot of Germans are actually quite cool, you just need to find them and need to ignore the whiny ones. I definitely think that Munich is the best of places, since spring/summer has the most relaxed feel about it, any shopkeeper who says 'Du' to you rather than 'Sie' makes me feel at home and the mountains are an hour away.
Two observations I made: When I lived in the UK and the US I ignored the bad parts of those places and upon returning I ignored the good ones here. Oh and the weirdest thing - I realize when I speak German, I am more serious and when I speak English I feel more at ease.

@righter:
How bitter are you to post a comment like this? What the hell happened to you? And just so you know, I am a foreigner in Germany too and I have always been a foreigner no matter where I lived; I know how it is having to adjust and getting used to new things. I gotta say, I am on many forums but this some of the comments I read here are quite shocking. For all of you guys taht say Germans complain too much - look at what you are doing!!! I am very open and I have a multicultural background; it is shocking to me to see so many people on this forum are just the exact opposite.

When I first moved to Munich 8 years ago and stayed for 5, I hated it here. I found the people to be unfriendly and pushy, the winters were so gray (a few years ago, anyway!!!), no shopping at 11PM or on Sundays, etc. Personally, what I realized is that my culture shock had more to do with my state of mind and what I felt inside as opposed to the environment I am in.

I noticed that when I feel good, confident, strong, etc, these things don't get to me the way they did and you don't notice these negative things as much. And in some cases, these negatives can even turn into positives. The key thing for me has been that I learned to accept things as they come. All this really changed how I felt about Munich, I even decided to move back here a year ago.

I have lived in several countries and there are good things and bad things about every place. I think you just need a positive attitude to be able to adjust, be patient and understand it will be difficult at times.

Please keep in mind that if non-Germans can adjust to Munich, it won't necessarily be easy right off the bat, but I am sure you can manage it as well.

Oh well... aren't you complaining as well?
Do YOU know how good you've got it here?
Seems you're very German too... there is no perfect place on earth. maybe you guys should ask yourself why you left these "wonderful & perfect countries" where you lived before (and almost forgot your German ) ... hmmmm?!

oh yes i am about the rudeness of ppl here
yes i do, i do realise that dental treatment is free and thats awesome! you can easily afford your own 2 bedroom flat without having to rent half to some crazy flatmate
well sometimes you have to go back coz of something you want...like a working holiday visa...unfortunately you gotta live in the country of citizenship otherwise you cant apply
and yes its possible to forget your native tongue, happens to loads of ppl that never use it while living abroad, but whatever