Au pairs

As an au pair, I've heard a lot of generalizations about my job and the people who generally hold it. Since I've just put the kiddies to bed and I'm stuck with nothing to do on a Friday night, I was hoping the oh-so-gracious (and opinionated) Toytown community would enlighten me on what people really think when they hear someone answer the question "So what brings you to Germany?" with "Oh me? I'm an au pair".

The way I see it, you can easily stereotype au pairs based on encounters with a few - I've heard stories that would lead to the generalizations of "loose/easy", "wild", "moronic", "irresponsible", and (this one gets double quotations) ""lacking direction"". To be fair, it's probably very easy to live up to those stereotypes as a young person living abroad temporarily in a job that doesn't require much intellectual exertion and affords quite a bit of free time for merriment.

On the other hand, I'm here because I enjoy working with kids, I have a sweet set-up with my host family, and I get (paid) to live in Munich free for a year - making this the most cost-effective and convenient way to live in Germany for a while during my period of post-university soul searching.

So, please indulge me. Discuss.

I married one.

Au pairs are a minority group from France, and their sacred duty is to go to Germany to help raising happy kids, at least once in their lifetime.

Where do I begin, TexasLauren?

I've just checked my son and he wasn't totally asleep yet. Nor, to be perfectly honest, was he 100% awake (you know how kids are) and he mumbled, "Daddy. Ich leibe dich"... so I get au pairs. Some people do this and some people do that. We're all individuals and some people feel a vocation working with kids. I totally understand that, and in a way I guess it's a whole lot more fulfilling than working with adults. The only problem is that the vast majority of the kind of people who feel said vocation and can exist on the salaries are young ladies, and young ladies means nubile to many males of the species, rightly or wrongly, and in that statement you have your answer. It ain't you, it's the "Ug!" in us men. Sorry.

I tried it for a while, but slavery's not really my thing, so I got out after 5 weeks (70+hours/week, 300 euro/month. health insurance, transportation costs and most of my food not covered by the family, nor were the various medical supplies needed because of the child in question. Sharing a room with the child who often crawled into my bed. No option of German lessons or classes, due to lack of transportation home-no buses to the middle of nowhere past 9pm. Fanatically religious family, obligatory church service twice weekly. I could go on, but I think I'll leave it there.) Anyway, all things considered, I've got a lot of respect for anyone who manages to stick out that whole au pair thing. I've heard that good families do exist, and I've even heard of a couple of people who've actually managed to find them, but... I've heard that the tooth fairy exists too, so...
That doesn't really answer the question you asked, though, but since most of the girls I've talked to found themselves in something of a similar situation - exploitation - I figured it's worth mentioning.

We hired an AuPair when we were in the US - she from Slovakia. Had to say, it didn't work. She was more interested in going out/meeting people online/wanting to know when she could drive the car than watching our little girl. As for driving the car, she didn't understand that she had to take the VA DL test. So, it lasted 3 weeks and cost us about 5K. Heard later she was in a car accident. As a parent, its not for me. I have to mention we were very good at keeping regular hours. She worked 40 hours a week or less - insurance, etc all paid for. She had her own bedroom and bathroom too.
What do I think of when someone says they are an aupair? I think it depends who is saying it. My sister in law has had many aupairs. Some great, some not. I think most aupairs just use it as an excuse to visit/live in another country. Nothing wrong with that as long as they fulfill their obligation.

hahhaha...
there is a poll somewhere (adult section i think) about how many aupairs have TTers slept with...

you really want to open this can of worms about what people think of aupairs (i gather you'll get the whole spectrum, no different opinion on up to...)

what kind of freak would be on TT friday night writing about putting kids to bed when they live in Gruenwald? who would want to take care of someone elses kids, dogs, etc? don't you think better of yourself than that to cook and pick up after the mess of others to have no life, but to sit and tend to ever whim of some rich person and the bratty kids?

Are they such bitches ? And TTers so poor seduced victims ?

That is because that is the point of it. And the obligations a lot of families set (like the ones you mentioned) are over the legal limit. No more than 30 hours a week. This isn't directed at you, but I think it is crazy the amount of work the famililes expect their aupairs to do for the money they are willing to pay.

in response to some PMs i've received about my previous post- it was in jest.

The au pairs I personally know are German girls who were in the US for a year as an au pair, and while they may have been without a sense of direction in their lives, I don't think they were any of the other adjectives you have mentioned.

I personally think of the job of an au pair as underpaid as most of the time au pairs seem to end up working way more hours than they are supposed to and can be taken advantage of quite easily (I have heard many stories of au pairs who had to clean and do loads of other stuff they should not have been required to do as an au pair). I personally would not have wanted to be an au pair for exactly that reason.

But other than that I see doing an au pair year as a good way to spend a year or two after you graduate from high school to get an idea of what you want to do with your life. Definitely better than sitting around at home for a year or two.

And yes, the whole point of au pair is cultural exchange. That is, mostly for the au pair (because I think most of the time the families don't really care, but technically it is supposed to be an exchange, i.e. involving both). The au pair visa for the USA is the J1 Catergory Au Pair - which, surprise surprise, gives the visa holder the status of an "Exchange Visitor".

About this visa:


(From the same link I posted above.)

My mother wanted me to be an au pair in Europe for a year before I went to university. I flat out refused because I didn't want to deal with the responsibility of kids but mainly because I didn't think I was up to living in a family environment (my home life before I left was fairly, uhm, independant, for various reasons). So I found an exchange student program instead.
Since then I have met a few au pairs and realize it's not what I had pictured it, and most (but not all) are better suited to it than I would have been at that age.

I promise to write something cynical here tomorrow.

worked 5 months as an aupair when I first started traveling almost 9 years ago because it was easy to get the job, and didn't know what other options were available to move overseas. Quickly figured out the working holiday systems in England and Ireland and went to go make a lot more money and do a lot less mind numbing work.

@travelingpac

Why did the VA driving test cost you 5k dollars? According to the VA DMV site it only cost $20
Did she really take the test and fail it 250 times? Or did she crash the car?

One Au Pair Shagging Poll, As mentioned

I am looking for Au Pair references in regards to the company they are with. What do Au Pairs really think of them? Looking specifically at those that place Americans. Thanks...

im moving to berlin to be an au pair next week.
they way i see it is, how else can a 20 year old girl from sheffield who doesnt have many qualifications have an opptunity to live in a different country and have an adventure.
yes i do enjoy looking after kids and that one part of it. but why should traveling be something reserved for those that have been trough uni and the rest of us get acused of having 'lack of direction'?

I haven't been accussed of lacking direction or anything... not to my face anyway! But I have nearly finished a uni degree and was orginally just coming for my summer holidays. I liked it so much that I have deferred for one semester. So I guess that I am def NOT lacking direction... hmm.
I am an au pair because there is no way that I could otherwise afford to live in Europe. I only speak english, so i could have gotten a job in the UK, but that sounded boring to me... I wanted a real experience where I was challenged every day! Being here gives me a good base to travel in my time off.
Ezled, I did not go through an agency, I went through a website where you look at family profiles and make a mutual decision.. and I am very happy.

eurovol-
what specific questions do you have?
most aupairs do not have much contact with the 'agency'. You put your info up on their website and that's about it.
If you want experience workign with Almondburry I can give you my experience and also get you in contact with others.

one of the last bastions of sexist employment, along with mining perhaps