Tip of the day

Even though you found it very funny when you read it, do not say to your new female boss "I can see you are not one of those shallow types that cares about her appearance"

do not by any means tell husband that he does all household stuff half-assed...not only will you have to explain half-assed but you will end up doing it all by yourself.

i have learned the lesson to keep my mouth shut when it comes to my husbands way of thinking. like why driving to stuttgart whilst he has a sick note and he drives a company car (that is clearly marked) is stupid when the chances of him being seen are less going to the same type of store (grocery) that is only 5 minutes away.

If someone official in German asks you for your "Geburtstag" before you think what is this person gonna send me a birthday card or something and you start laughing you must first consider that it is highly likely that they are asking for your date of birth.

Do not tell the skinny, chain smoking, French guy at work that he reminds you of someone, and then explain it is Gaston (the comic figure) once you remembered who he does actually remind you of. Especially not if you are new.

Although it does give you a headstart in cleaning the floors. Try to be positive now!

This usually leads to a fight in our house. However, if you do not say anything, and in my case if you don't say it often enough, you end up with a shrunken wool sweater. Again, think positively.
1) At least I don't have to worry about that pesky "lie flat to dry" requirement.
2) He did attempt to wash some clothes.

would be if it was just laundry, because apparently its better when he does it (the clothes look better or something) but it even comes down to our dogs. when fighting with our 2 pd yorkie to clean his ears and clip his nails, hubby insists that he can do it better. after 2 minutes of trying to get the cleaning started he gives up and says, oh well he won't let me do it and walks away.

not to mention, the logic, not rinse off the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher but will complain that there is stuff in the bottom of the dishwasher that has to be cleaned out. why not just get all the stuff off the dishes so that you don't have pieces of lettuce, pasta in the bottom. makes sense to me. and when our dogs came in the other day and had tracked mud throughout the house before we caught them, i said, i'll clean their paws if you will do the mopping, also saying can you mop the downstairs room completely as it needs it anyway. tell me why he didn't mop but a circle spot in the center of the room and missed all the mud, thus i had to go and do it the right way. he said, well we had to mop anyway so i figured we'd wait until later to do the rest. wuahhh!

this on top of moving and checking every piece of paper that he writes for a job interview in the u.s. and i'm ready to put my head in the oven.

Avoid parking tickets by leaving the windscreen wipers on fast, when you park.

When putting clients asking technical advice on speakerphone, do remember to hang up on them properly, before using a panoply of nasty cusswords to describe their intelligence, technical aptitude and genital hygiene and suggesting unsavoury solutions to problems in this anatomical area involving industrial footwear and a gaelic football team. If you must, make sure I'm not there, as falling out of my chair with laughter and banging my face on the floor, when the client eventually interrupts you, isn't half as funny as it sounds.

Don't think that a thug in England is going to turn into a diamond in Germany.

If you girlfriend says that the washing machine is to complicated for you to use listen to the voice in your head that says ..

"Yes, WE know you have an degree doing technical stuff but shut up, nod and agree"

Sometimes the voives in your head can be right...

This to date has prevented my from any kind of washing, ironing and even using the dishwasher :-)

Do not think that just because we are in another country that all british poeple will get on with each other.

We do not need anyone to divide us into groups, we are more than capable of doing that along the lines of country, region, North/south, city and in some cases, village.

I would also advise anyone outside the UK (unless on purpose) not to ask anyone from Scotland, Irland or Wales which part of England they come from.

Although an american guy at uni once told a scottish friend of mine that he didnt consider him a scottsman (we thought, more of a friend was coming next) raher more of a mediocre englishman.

Man, that was the fastest I had ever seen my socttish friend move. We couldn't decide what was funnier, the comment or the attack on the american that followed.

When you make a copy a good film do a quick check that the recording actually goes to the end of the film before settling down to watch it with the girlfriend and popcorn and everything.

Girls, do not push all the buttons on the remote control at once, effectively freezing up the television. If you must, do not awake your boyfriends from their peaceful slumber to fix said television unless you wish to be called useless.

Boys, if you insist on calling your girlfriends useless, don't act surprised when they don't wish to cuddle with you for the duration of the evening.

NEVER let her have the remote control. Sorted.

To All Language Students: Don't sign up for a language class if you're just going to sit there with your mouth shut. Don't request that the teacher provide more speaking opportunities and STILL sit there with your mouth shut. Don't act surprised when, after hearing the same questions asked of each classmate (questions must be repeated because noone in class voluntarily responds to anything), you are asked to answer a question or speak in any way during the course of a language class.

To all TTers: I don't think I've ever had such a reticent class. I've tried tons of activities, warm ups, games... Anyone have any ideas that have worked to get adult, non-speakers speaking? They are at a relatively high level, so I'm not sure why they're so shy or embarrassed to speak up.

Ply 'em with alcohol?

Fear of being put on the spot and speaking in a public situation is more common than the fear of death.. Add that with the speaking being done in a foreign language and you are going to have a good deal of shy people.. You just beat the odds and got all shy people.

As SIM said, giv'em a beer, but them in a social atmosphere, give them something they want to talk about

Tell them to stop being afraid of making mistakes, we are not in Japan where loss of face means you have to commit harakiri. Mistakes are part of the learning process.

I agree with sarabyrd.

Having taken language classes, I like it when the atmosphere is relaxed and you feel that you can ask the teacher questions, and he is patient and willing to let you try out the language, let people hesitate or make mistakes and allow them to get their point across and correct themselves. When you hestitate or make mistakes, it feels better and is more helpful if the teacher patiently prods you in the right direction and lets you express yourself or correct the mistake yourself, rather than hurrying you on or correcting the mistake for you. I had a class in which there was this kind of relaxed atmosphere, and the class really got talking. Another teacher, on the other hand, did all the talking, only allowed us to talk when she went round the class asking us to answer isolated questions in turn (often rather personal questions, which made it more awkward*) and corrected us the minute we hesitated or made a mistake. This felt uncomfortable and artificial, and gave the impression that she did not tolerate mistakes, so people tended to clam up. Also, I personally find that going round each person in turn asking questions or making them talk just builds up tension: you become more nervous as you wait your turn, and have to desperately think of something to say, usually something that someone else has not already said. There is less pressure if people are asked at random at various points during the class.

* I think it's better to ask people their opinions on a particular subject or ask them general questions rather than questions that elicit information about their personal lives, their family situation or what they do away from class. Asking them to reveal personal information in front of others might make them more inhibited.

Try asking them to tell you what they don't like about their teacher. It works.

My current langauge teacher would love this class, she gets frustrated at all the questions we ask

Try getting them to prepare something for the next class, a 10 minute news review or an urban legend or somthing.

If they have the time to prepare they may feel a little more comfortable with getting up and talking.

Tip of the day:
If you want to learn a language dont waste your time attending some mind numbingly boring language class - just get yourself an oppositesex friend that speaks this language but not yours.

For Ash Wednesday:
Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.
"Remember, O mortal, that you are dust and will return to dust."

Always rinse and repeat

unless you are talking about condoms

When writing a little saying don't bother writing it in Latin and then write the translation underneath. Just write it in English, this will help you sound less pompous.

Yep, then it's just repeat.

Talking of condoms – if you don’t want to turn your sex session into a laughing session then never buy those feather-light thin ones that get stuck on the end of your dick and wont roll on and you can't get them off and even when you try to pull if off it stretches and gets stuck even tighter.

A picture saves 1000 words, but takes up 1000x the space on your disk and will take several hours longer to draw.

Are you sure you weren't using Chinese handcuffs?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_handcuffs

That's a really inspiring thought.

I knew that group Kansas copied it from somewhere.

once again speaking of condoms...when throwing one into the trash make sure that it actually gets completely into the trash and not stuck to the bag within reach of a puppy. and don't let your mother go walking with said puppy and see him squeezing out a condom. now missy, you got some 'splaining to do.

When carrying an ironing board make sure that the fold-out legs do not swing free and hit you on the nose.
P.S. I am American, can I sue the manufacturer?

Never ever have an affair with a married man!! old tip of mine but still useful for others I guess.

Only if you paid in Dollars!

If you're dating the "devil" (think Fasching), be sure to bring an extra beer or two in your purse. Otherwise he'll begin drinking yours.

No all EU ironing boards have an Idiot and American get out clause in the purchasing contract. Sorry SB.

Good catch there, gids, you almost lost your space on the waiting list for the Oktoberfest Do.

Don´t worry about the two long dusty bits as quoted by James Runner, have fun in between.

If you can't be good, be careful.

And if you can't be carefull, name it after me.

if you are nervous about a Dental visit, and are going to sweat, then DON`T wear a thick sweater or a flannel shirt- you will spend the rest of the day smelling bad!

If you are scared of the dentists make sure all appointmenrs are in the early morning.

You will not sleep the night before and will be more sedate as you will feel tired in the nice warm dentists room.

If you are going on a first date with somebody who you find incredibly sexy but you don't want to appear to be a slapper by sleeping with him on the first date, do not, I repeat, do not leave your apartment in a disgusting mess and wear your granny knickers on purpose as a prevention method and then get extra horny on the date and take him back to your flat and shag him anyway. You might never see him again.

If you are a woman, dont spend your time worrying about what your knickers look like because men don't really care. As someone once said - "it's what's on the inside that counts"

In the above situation either turn off the lights or take them off in the loo.

Remember, you look a mess, he is still in your flat.

My shopping tips:

Tip 1. Buy a case of Holsten pils this weekend. There's a special promotion. In each case, these a voucher for a lottery ticket. So you can get blinding drunk and still have hope.

Tip 2. Buy a smoothie at Kaufland supermarket for only 0.65€. The one I've just drunk contained :

5 Maracujas (which I hope is a fruit)
1/3 banana
1/5 apple
1/5 orange
1/10 mango

The coconut one tastes the best.