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Tip of the day
Helpful hints from life experience
Come on leky, let's hear the tale of disaster.
Ah yes, that fateful hissing sound!
If the stopper for the bathtub does not have a chain or other device to pull it out with after your bath, it's not a good idea to use it. Do not try to cut it out while the tub is full of bathwater. It would be a better idea to cut your losses and bail the water out.
QUOTE (bluedave @ Jun 5 2008, 10:09 am) 
Come on leky, let's hear the tale of disaster.
QUOTE (Allershausen @ Jun 5 2008, 10:13 am)
Ah yes, that fateful hissing sound!
Well what more can I say...the fateful hissing sound and sight was enough...having to tell the husband was worse, and the fact that it is built in and belongs to the landlord and I don't suppose our insurance will cover it either. Does anyone know if the fridge part will still work??
Don't trust a 7-year old to watch the weather report for you while you are getting ready in the morning.
If you do and if he says it won't rain on a day like today, take a rain coat anyway.
Signed
Soggy in Schwabing
If you do and if he says it won't rain on a day like today, take a rain coat anyway.
Signed
Soggy in Schwabing
I know I live a bit in the sticks - but I'm looking at glorious sunshine out my window???
Do not watch football with part time 'we are only supporters once every few years when Germany get to at least the semi's the EU/World Cup'.
It get annoying especialy when one one says;
'Hey, the spanish captain is the goalkeeper, is that allowed'..
If this happens its best not to reply 'Have you heard of Oliver Kahn'...
It get annoying especialy when one one says;
'Hey, the spanish captain is the goalkeeper, is that allowed'..
If this happens its best not to reply 'Have you heard of Oliver Kahn'...
In a similar vein do not watch the game with an American collegue who is unfamiliar with "soccor" and keeps asking questions all through the game. Well, he did shut up when I slagged him to death for asking "so what's the difference between soccor and rugby".
It's spelled "soccer" FYI...
Don't take your umbrella to work and then hang it outside your window to dry (that's nifty idea for a water-collection device, though, dear colleague)
Don't take your umbrella to work and then hang it outside your window to dry (that's nifty idea for a water-collection device, though, dear colleague)
QUOTE (Ruthie @ Jun 30 2008, 12:53 pm)
It's spelled "soccer"
Yes I know, just attempting to give an idea of how the daft twat pronounced it. Actually I'm not sure how to do that as he seemed to clip the first O but pronounced the second as if there were three of them, as I said, he's a daft twat.
It's actually spelled 'football'
When driving out of the OBI at Lerchenauer Straße , don't follow the car in front who just turned left ignoring all the signs stating that you must turn right!
It will cost €30.
Barstewards!
And then getting stuck in a traffic jam so I had to use every back road in Schwabing to get out of it!
It will cost €30.
Barstewards!
And then getting stuck in a traffic jam so I had to use every back road in Schwabing to get out of it!
Do not try to use up slightly old, stale marshmellows to make Rice Crispie Squares. You will end up with inedible rock-hard slabs. The birds seem to like it, though.
Take some of those plastic gloves that they provide at the gas stations here and keep them in the car for the day you have a puncture and have to change the wheel yourself.
Don't live near a kindergarten.
When your beautiful head of garlic is decimated down to a few meager slivers don't throw them away. Use them to flavor the oil in your frying pan by crushing them with the side of a knife, putting them into the oil and slowly heating it. Remove them before they get brown and bitter.
Don't presume that others are as ill educated, uncultured, naive and uninformed as you. Otherwise you just end up stating the bleeding obvious.
QUOTE (sarabyrd @ Jul 16 2008, 1:27 pm)
Remove them before they get brown and bitter.
Bit like telling old Germans to get off the sunbeds on holiday then.
QUOTE (moctoj2 @ Jul 16 2008, 1:22 pm)
Don't live near a kindergarten.
Unless you have children
When using one of those horrid shelf toilets in a hotel, after putting toilet paper on the shelf to stop any stains, after flushing the toilet - check.
Check that the toilet paper has not done a 'table cloth' trick and left the contents of the table sitting on the shelf.
This can avoid all kinds of nastiness and make for a more general, all round toilet experience for all involved.
Check that the toilet paper has not done a 'table cloth' trick and left the contents of the table sitting on the shelf.
This can avoid all kinds of nastiness and make for a more general, all round toilet experience for all involved.
This belongs in the tip of the day thread:
Disclaimer: I only laugh at people in situations I can so totally relate to being in, in some way.
QUOTE (Fallen Angel @ Jul 25 2008, 12:02 am)
When travelling through airports, it's a really, really stupid idea to be wearing a corset because the metal detector machines go mental. I don't even mind the embarrassment of being felt up in by a butch security chick in front of everyone else waiting in line, but if you're going to take me into that little side booth to strip search me at least have the decency to shut the f*cking curtain so that not everyone passing by can sneak a peek.
Disclaimer: I only laugh at people in situations I can so totally relate to being in, in some way.
Oooh- I was trying to find this thread to post that in. Thanks, DDbug. Crapping security checks.
When cooking Spaghetti, which I often do, I tie all the ends together, that way I can eat it in one long suck, therefore eliminating the drudgery of washing up knives and forks.
QUOTE (cb6dba @ Jul 17 2008, 2:12 pm)
When using one of those horrid shelf toilets in a hotel, after putting toilet paper on the shelf to stop any stains, after flushing the toilet - check.
Check that the toilet paper has not done a 'table cloth' trick and left the contents of the table sitting on the shelf.
This can avoid all kinds of nastiness and make for a more general, all round toilet experience for all involved.
Check that the toilet paper has not done a 'table cloth' trick and left the contents of the table sitting on the shelf.
This can avoid all kinds of nastiness and make for a more general, all round toilet experience for all involved.
Fooking hell it works fantastic
Translation tip.
When translating documents always write at the bottom of each page. "I bet you don't notice this. I adding these extra lines because I really hated translating your long and boring text." Turn the new added lines white so nobody can see them. Luckily the word count will pick up the extra lines and so you'll be able to charge the customer extra.
When translating documents always write at the bottom of each page. "I bet you don't notice this. I adding these extra lines because I really hated translating your long and boring text." Turn the new added lines white so nobody can see them. Luckily the word count will pick up the extra lines and so you'll be able to charge the customer extra.
QUOTE (les @ Jul 29 2008, 4:54 pm)
Translation tip.
When translating documents always write at the bottom of each page. "I bet you don't notice this. I adding these extra lines because I really hated translating your long and boring text."
When translating documents always write at the bottom of each page. "I bet you don't notice this. I adding these extra lines because I really hated translating your long and boring text."
I hope that's not what you really wrote, because if your customers do find them, they'll think your English is crap!
Shit mised out on an extra word I could have charged them for. If they found those lines I'd have more to worry about than my crap English.
If they found those lines I'd have more to worry about than my crap English.
If your girlfriend is coming round - quickly two minute wash the taps and faucets in the bathroom and kitchen - it really fools them into believing the place is clean.
It can sometimes make the difference between getting a blowjob or not.
Women are so easily fooled.
It can sometimes make the difference between getting a blowjob or not.
Women are so easily fooled.
Maybe removing the sheets with the poo stains will help too.
If a fly lands on your monitor, trying to knock it off with your mouse pointer just won't work...can't believe I actually did that, I really slowly moved my pointer towards the fly & then right clicked and whacked it
Never pee on an electric fence.
never pee against the wind either... or you get wet
If your dog belches in your face and it smells like Nutella, throw away the open jar you left out on the coffee table.
If you think you want to spend your life with someone, do some real travel with them before.
Very wise words.
true. And if they won't travel with you, dump them. That's how I knew I couldn't marry my ex fiance'... I was having too much fun without him on my travels to Europe!
Do not spill chili powder when you are rearranging your basement compartment. Or if you do, get lots of paper handkerchiefs.
1. If you want a great incentive to control your weight, if you're living on one continent, decide that you'll only ever buy clothing from another continent ... and then only buy the same sizes you already have.
2. If you buy a new piece of clothing or pair of shoes, jettison a piece from your existing collection. And if you haven't worn it in a year (ex-evening wear), face it ... you'll never wear it.
2. If you buy a new piece of clothing or pair of shoes, jettison a piece from your existing collection. And if you haven't worn it in a year (ex-evening wear), face it ... you'll never wear it.
Don't get an excercise ball thingy if you have a cat. Well, not if you want to use it at any rate.
I guess the same pretty much applies to the cool round carpet.
I guess the same pretty much applies to the cool round carpet.
Warm iron your newspaper if you do not want to get ink on your hands while reading it
Or, alternatively, wash your hands.
Wipe a little bit of hair conditioner with a dry cloth onto the bathroom mirror before you shower. Normally it stops it from misting over.
For whatever reasons whatsoever never place anything on the roof of your car - you will invariably drive away with the said object still there (but not for long) regardless.
Don't suddenly decide at the age of 29 that you want to become flexible and that your new goal in life should be to be able to do the splits within 6 months even though you couldn't even get anywhere close to being able to do them when you were 10.
You may wake up one morning unable to move very well and may possibly become even more inflexible than you were in the first place
You may wake up one morning unable to move very well and may possibly become even more inflexible than you were in the first place
I'd pay good money to see that.
QUOTE (Buffy @ Oct 22 2008, 4:09 pm)
Don't suddenly decide at the age of 29 that you want to become flexible and that your new goal in life should be to be able to do the splits within 6 months even though you couldn't even get anywhere close to being able to do them when you were 10.
You may wake up one morning unable to move very well and may possibly become even more inflexible than you were in the first place
You may wake up one morning unable to move very well and may possibly become even more inflexible than you were in the first place
Dont do it Naked on a laminate floor either... You may end up there till the fire brigade turn up!!
The best way to avoid eating candy: Make it yourself.
On a cross-channel ferry, do not vomit over the rails IN THE DIRECTION OF TRAVEL... (cf. thread on pissing into the wind)
Along the same lines chaps, do check out the wind direction before spitting out big green flobs theatrically hoiked up for the benefit of female onlookers, or the female onlookers may just laugh their heads off when it lands on your smart lapel...
If you see two long haired people from the back, and you wish to hail them, it's well to make sure of their respective genders before shouting out, Hey, ladies!
Just a suggestion.
Just a suggestion.
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