German courtship etiquette

Hi TTers

I have been living in Germany for 4 months now and life is getting kind of lonely. I would like to know how to approach German women. Where I come from its appropriate to approach a woman on the street but I have never seen it happening here. I would not want to be charged with sexual harassment. How do people get into romantic relationships here?
In short how can I get a German damen?

From behind and very quietly. They have excellent hearing and their vision is based on movement.

Thanks Keydeck, I needed a good chuckle.

In my few years on this planet I'm not sure I've ever witnessed 'German romantic'. Isn't it an oxymoron?

HA, your loss. Wundebar (your screen name is missing an "r"), you can approach women on the street here as well... women will not go to the police because of it. However, I personally find guys who chat me up on the street annoying and sleazy and generally ignore them. So it might be more successful to go to a bar and try to start a conversation there than randomly on the street.

For the love of god, don't do that here - you'll probably be maced by hysterical expats.

Seriously, sexual harassment should not remotely be a concern, since you shouldn't be touching anyone without their consent or persisting in any way if they ask you not to. And if a woman here says she's not interested, moves away from you or is clearly unresponsive, just leave her alone - it's highly unlikely to be a cue to step up the persuasion.

So you prefer annoying and sleazy guys who chat you up in a bar?

Haha, I suppose the enclosed space a bar provides kind of also gives girls more (false?) security ... actually I am not very much a person who likes to be chat up by random strangers (shy and all) but I was speaking for what I believe to be the average German girl. The few times I have let a guy get me into a conversation randomly on the street nothing good ever came off it (namely, I regretted it after a few seconds into the conversation and then had to get rid of him again).

No. It just has a completely different meaning from hearts and flowers:

you should ride about on the tram all day. sit on the edge of one of those 4 seats in a box, and when someone squeezes by to get to the window, accidentally bump into them or trip them up. take the conversation from there. or get totally written off. both work i'm sure.

Make a lot of money.

That's what I ask myself all the time when seeing couples hand in hand. It's not like it happens in bars, a German man asking a woman if she wants a drink is not a rarity, it's extinct. I think the mating rituals are based on protracted eye contact from across the room, much alcohol, and then a chat up line (German sense of humour being completely unique)... The man in question (if having approached a native female) may either get the cold shoulder (or glare) or if lucky, immediate agreement to go to bed. How this then turns into a relationship is anybody's guess...

Good luck in your quest.

Hams, I'm struggling to spot the difference between that and the UK system apart from obviously all Brits have a far more advanced sence of humour.

-Be outgoing
-Dress nicely and not like a slob
-Have a "fresh" appearance, not like you didn't shower for days or don't care about yourself (not to mention those ridiculous new haircuts for men that look like they just got out of bed)
-Pay a girl a compliment that is unusual, when she wears a great scarf, tell her that it looks great on her etc.
-Most German women are not used to a man being a gentleman anymore (opening the door, getting her something from the top of the shelf in the supermarket etc.), so the bigger impression you leave when you are acting like one.
Of course there are those "chicks" that are Miss Independent and feel like you hurt them physically if you'd do an act of courtesy, but those are not the women you'd want to meet anyway, do you?

-Ask women about certain places, for example, "can you tell me where xyz is (a theater maybe), she may tell you and then you'll ask her if she can recommend any good movies at the moment, what was the last one she has seen etc."

If you ask women a question that they can't answer with only yes or no always gives options to talk more therefore getting to know eachother if the timing is right

Good luck!

Give us British lasses some credit... we do like banter just for the sake of it. It's not necessary that we cold shoulder a bloke just because we don't want to shag him - a laugh is also appreciated. That is something which is a very rare occurrence in DE.

A colleague of mine once told me the more times you try anything, the more likely you will eventually be successful. The other thing I know about dating is it's not what you actually say, it's really what you actually do that women value in a relationship.

@ pas

well, most people here speak in german. i guess most in uk, though no doubt this will change in a couple of years, speak english during the mating ritual.

i also think there would be more staring involved in the german one

Staring? LOL

Oh yes - have you not encountered "the German stare" yet? It's pretty intense.

Infinitely more tasteful... Really I meant 'uncontrolled displays of romance' but it's still a nice picture...

I like to think that I was tortured with that famous stare already, hahahaha... BUT, definitely didn't make me want to get to know that person better ;-)

I heard the Texas Stare is much worse :-/

Must be like this...

Last week in Stuttgart, I saw a woman where I was buying tea who looked a bit lonesome. I know it's a 3-hour-ish ride down from Mayence but my impression was she'd appreciate some company. You could try that.

Can you tell us where do you come from exactly? Doesn't seem to be a bad place, I might consider moving.

Have you tried... The Romantic Road???

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

WHEEEE!!!

Oh God!!! That was so funny!!! I think I just peed a little from laughing!!!

I'm sorry. (wipes away tears) It's just that someone I work with here in the States once asked me if "The Romantic Road" was a place like the Reeperbahn?

I am sometimes asked to "Say something in German!", so I guess one has to make allowances for misunderstandings. I'm good-natured, so I explained what the Romantic Road really means...

Now what was the question?

Oh! How to approach German women?

Well, here's how it happened for me once: I was at a pub where some of the seating was communal (benches along the back wall), and I happened to be sitting next to a lady who was with another party, but was alone and was seated close enough to me where I could catch her eye and smile at her. We started up a conversation, and before her party left, she had the name of my Hotel and joined me for breakfast the next morning.

Hope that helped and thanks for letting me have some Spass up there!

Q

I can understand that. It gets worse with Winter. But "forced hunting" generally doesn't lead to success...


Sort of collided with her in the corridor at the research lab I was visiting... That was back in 1984. Still together


In my case the "girl in question" and the reaction was neither of the above.


true - and this clearly helped. As a "foreigner" attempting to speak German you get allowed a certain amount of leeway...
As someone else wrote I think: try to be interesting! It helps if you have activities outside of work (that also brings more friends and even female contacts although in my case that didn't result in anything...) Since I had just got my motorglider license the first day out we went flying up to the North Sea coast. Poor girl had never been in the air before...

Hey thanks for all the responses so far. I like the humour flowing around here!
I get a fair share of the German stare from the women when I'm on the Bundesbahn but I don't know what to make of it. Naturally I just stare right back until she looks down but I don't attempt to chat women up based on just stares since it appears that they are just a German habit.

Doesnt sound to be the correct method if you are claiming to be looking for a mate. Try smiling & raising eyebrows...

might be generally a rare occurence in DE but when you want to chat someone up, humour is necessary.

So how do German men do it?

Hey Wunde®ba I think you are missing something here
If you are not an outgoing person in the first place then what might seem totally natural will seem totally alien to you
from a personal point of view I have no trouble striking up a conversation with someone, whether that be on a tram, in a bar or waiting for a wurst
If you see someone you like, be polite, ask them something interesting like can you recommend a decent local beer as you are new here or the best bar to meet people
She will guess you are looking for friendship and if she talks to you then you have a chance, if hse gives you a very quick one word answer then forget it she dont like you

Just be yourself, if you are looking seriously I doubt you will find anyone, if you just talk t people and be generally friendly you will get the 'conversation bug' you will pick up the topic of conversation that is going round and then those ladies will find you interesting and they will find you!

Well it worked for me

Since you are in Mainz, I suggest approaching women at Fasching celebrations- you already know about the big parade on Rosenmontag, but there is one in Frankfurt the day prior, and one in Bad Kreuznach the Saturday prior, just to name a few, plus Women's Fasching on the Thursday prior. Good time to be out and about and to go to pubs, and there is no shortage of Fasching parties during that time.

I have a German friend here , pulls more vag than a toilet seat at a bus stop - first up he's a young doctor and a good looking boy-band sort but what really gets the wimmin goin is his initial interest followed by his absolute disinterest in them - you would not believe the amount of wimmin I've introduced to him who were really intrigued by the fact that he didn't want to hold eye contact with him - the hotter the chic the less the interest and the more extreme the reaction.

Learn and be fluent in German...!

Most of them like to speak in English, but they cant...Some people say they hate English just because they cant speak a bit of it...and some people for some particular reasons of their own..! In the beginning (6 months back), it was hard for me too as i couldnt understand and communicate properly..also because of different culture and attitudes..!

The worst part is that ..sometimes, i had to alter my english and talk in soft broken english to make them understand what i mean...and also try not to use strange, complicated words in english (for ex : ridiculous, etc etc)..i thought if i continue like this, my english would be German pidgin english in the long run..! :-(

I have had that experiences of some women staring at me..esp when i was alone...! A couple of months back, i was coming back from amsterdam to nuremberg on the ICE and there was this female who was staring/glancing..I didnt knew what to do..we just exchanged the starings and time passed by and i had to get down at the station..lol..! :-)

And u know...Bavarians are different and a bit reserved and have their own space and mostly they have their own set of friends, family, etc..! I did read the characters a bit, at different places..even at work, i find colleagues from bavaria to be calm and reserved...the other ones are a bit loud or talk in a excited way (ofcourse, compared to bavarians). And here in Germany (esp in Bavaria), it takes a while to make friends..By friends, i mean real friends..! :-)

And finally, i would suggest an outsider to just respect others culture and "be a roman in rome" and dont be a despo...then it would just work..! :-)

I agree, chatting up on the street is sleazy. My advice is to follow them home and then knock on their door and proceed to chat them up. Results can be mixed but I can guarantee you will not be ignored.

He sounds familiar.

Learn German certainly but you dont have to be fluent. The reason I "bumped into" my lady was that I'd been doing some German => English translation work for her manager in order to earn a few extra DMs!

My German language skills are next to zero at the moment. Does anyone have any German pickup lines I could try ?

There's a good thread on that one kicking around but if you come out with the world's best chat up line in German and then stand there unable to understand what she says when she replies you're just going to go red and stare at your shoes.

"Kann ich Dich ficken" is probably always a good place to start.

I'd have thought the sie form would be more successful? They're very formal these Germans.

Refusing to use "Sie" is surely the first step in getting them under the thumb!!!

"Ahhh...do bist schön und suis...total (totaal) suis und geil...mmmhwwaw...! " ... lol

Work around the whole Du / Sie thing with something like:
"Darf ich mit der gnädigen Frau einen Akt des Geschlechtsverkehrs vollziehen?"

Use "sie" for strangers or any others u aint close..! If they like u or if they know u good enuf, they would promt/ask u to use "du" anyways...! I have been promted/asked enuf times to use "du" with people of different ages..! :-)

one of my 25yr old friends was asked where the nearest bank was by some young girl who used "Sie".
he wouldnt stop bloody moaning about it the rest of the night. jeez... "oh im so old blah blah".

I would not use Sie on anyone my age or younger, or maybe up to five years older in a private (!) setting. That is just awkward.
And yes, I find it very strange too, like Schotte's friend, when younger people say Sie to me now, especially when they are older teenagers (16-19) because it does make me feel old
But when older people (40+) say "du" to me it pisses me off, because it seems like they do not consider me an adult, so it makes me want to say "du" right back at them. Confusing, I know.

So what does the German stare actually mean? Does someone has a definitive answer?

nick, it means nothing really. It may mean that you are dressed interestingly (or strangely), or that the person is bored and has picked you to practice people-watching on. Or maybe they are not actually staring at you, but staring through you (spaced out). In Germany it is simply not as socially taboo to look at other people, so we do it more openly.